Battles

@NightFury hope it's still a good cuppa. I've got my iced coffee, cookie dough one. Quiet sounds nice. Is there anything in particular that's made the last few days feel heavy sweetheart?

It's definitely been a busy start and a stressful one. I messaged a friend who reminded me to just take things one step at a time and breathe. Actually surprised I still made it in time but I don't like being rushed.

You did a fantastic job to make it in time @MissGremlin I hope you can take a moment not to take a breath?

There have been many reasons this week, I think.

On Wednesday I heard back from the psychologist clinic my GP sent a referral to. They rang me to tell me that they don't have room on their books for me. That same day, I had a bit of a freak out at work - I was on an observation, and had to talk to someone privately and they took me and another colleague into a tiny office, closed the door. There were three people in this small room, and it was hot and I was hungry and something made me feel trapped. I wanted to run! But I didn't...I did my job and masked it.

Then...the University counselling service rang me and they can't provide services to me either because they don't offer counselling past 3 pm.

To hear from two services that they can't help your felt like rejection and made me start to blame myself. The whole...I mist be doing something wrong, I must be too hard, too complex...those kind of thoughts which triggered SH urges (which so far, I haven't followed through on)

Then last night's online class was on SH and SI and it was triggering.

And this weekend is going to be full on. On Saturday, I need to mow my lawn in the morning, and then play lawn bowls, Sunday I need to do housework, study and I'm getting wood delivered, on Monday I have an RDO but I have a house inspection, a doctor's appointment with a new GP, groceries being delivered, an assignment to start and an appointment with SANE peer support through the recovery club.

And on top of that...I'm tired from a big working week.

@NightFury i really haven't stopped to take a breath. You know those days where everything goes wrong? That's today. I tried to make potato salad but I got distracted so they overcooked 😞. Feelings and thoughts are hitting really hard at the moment (I'm safe). I've just sat down on my lounge and have Casper next to me.

Oh sweet, I hear you. Wednesday sounds tough and I can understand feeling that rejection. I relate to those thoughts around being too much and too complex, it's horrible to sit with. But know that you aren't doing anything wrong, in fact you are doing everything you can to get the support you need and deserve, it's just that these services are at capacity as there's so many people struggling. You've done incredibly well to not act on anything sweet, I'm so proud of you for that ❤️.

The online class about SI and SH definitely would have been triggering especially when those thoughts have been so fresh in your mind. I hope you were able to practice some self care after that sweet, but know you did so well to get through it.

I hear you have a very busy weekend and start of next week and they are all really big things. I'm hoping things run smoothly for you and that you are able to find time in between things to breathe and practice a little bit of self care. I'll be around all weekend if you want to pause and have a cuppa in between things. I'm always here for you sweetheart ❤️

I hear you. Can you turn your spuds into something else yummy? @MissGremlin like...potato cakes? Or...mashed spud? Or fry them up and make them crispy goodness? Ooor something? Potatoes are awesome no matter what form they're in.

Logically, I know that it's not my fault and that it's a by product of an overloaded system, but it's not as easy to explain that to my emotions. It's just tough. I haven't SH for a few months and I want to keep that going because that's a good thing.

I didn't really practice self care. I used a strategy I've been using this week and that is to go to bed. I put myself to bed. I'm not sure it's a healthy strategy to avoid it all.

I will need to be really intentional in taking breaks and in giving myself time to just be, over the weekend. It's going to be important.

@NightFury I've mashed it up and Casper can have it over the next few days. I had my heart set on potato salad so I don't want anything else. I was meant to be ringing the mental health team today being that I panicked and didn't answer the call yesterday for my appointment. But now with how the morning has been i don't want to do it, it feels like too much trying to talk to someone about thoughts and feelings for them to assess me.

I completely understand sweet, our brains always like to go to that self sabotage in making it seem like our fault even when it's not. Going months without SH is incredible sweetheart, i truly am so proud of you ❤️.

I think going to bed is ok and actually really good, especially at the moment while your adjusting to work and a new routine to manage things. I do hear your worry about whether it's healthy, but maybe for now it's what's needed.

Yes i think that is really important sweet. If it helps at all I'm happy to tag you to remind you to pause and take a moment for yourself if you like? I'm here to help however I can sweetheart ❤️

Maybe you could ring them and let them know @MissGremlin that you're not up for an assessment but you're still interested? Maybe just making contact is enougj for today? Also, you don't have to do it right now. Allow yourself some time to rest.

Thank you for saying that. It's hard to keep that going though, especially once you acknowledge it. But it's a positive thing.

Going to bed is often all I have at the moment. I don't have a lot of people to talk to, and so going to bed helps me to reset for the next morning. It's also a way of self-soothing for me.

Reminders would be nice @MissGremlin but only if you're around and you're up for it. No pressure.

@NightFury maybe I will try to make the call later. For now I'm just resting and taking a moment to breathe.

I relate to this sweet around acknowledging it. But yes it's a very positive thing, you're doing so well ❤️.

It's tough not having people to talk to but know that I'm always here and happy to chat to you sweet ☺️. Going to bed is a good way to reset and self soothe and I'm sure Luna enjoys snuggling up to you when you are in bed too.

I'm happy to give you some reminders during the day sweet. We'll get through things together one little step at a time ❤️.

Thank you @MissGremlin

I'm going to head off and concentrate on this course for a bit. But I'll chat to you later.

@NightFury no worries sweet. I hope today goes ok for you.

If you are up for it after work we can have another cuppa together to wind down from the day ☺️

Thought might be better to chat on your thread instead of hogging captains thread

tomorrow mid morning I’m supposed to be going to lawn bowls lesson and practice for couple hrs.

next 2 days I need to get housework done @MissGremlin

@due to electrician coming on Monday.

how you received the golden retriever Lego as yet?