ADHD and obsessive thinking and rumination

@rav3n I’m not sure if writing will help right now, it’s because I’m out of words. I do have sensory toys, it helps to use them when I’m stressed.

My brain confuses me, I have a lot of cognitive dissonance so I hold a lot of opposing beliefs. I can counteract the negative ones, but I end up feeling confused. I don’t know if I need to persist, but it sort of feels unsettling. Like I don’t know how to get rid of this cognitive dissonance. I can’t seem to get rid of the negative beliefs

@creative_writer that's so fair if writing isn't going to be helpful now, it's sometimes hard to find the words when our thoughts are swirling around. glad you've got your sensory toys - what are they like? squishy? like fidget toys?

i can imagine that back and forth with your thoughts can be exhausting and confusing! have you spoken to your psych about the cognitive dissonance before? i've had a similar experience due to my parent's views/teachings clashing with my own. is that similar for you?

@rav3n I’ve been playing with those stretchy noodle toys, I think I may have been a bit to hard with my already sore hand. My hand was already a bit sore and it’s a pretty normal occurrence for me to have aches and pains. I have hypermobile joints and I seem to stretch them a bit too much without realising.

I am thinking of raising it up with the psych more during the next appointment. It’s becoming very apparent while I’m doing the set tasks she has given me. Recording my thoughts does help bring awareness to the thoughts in my mind, but it also highlights the cognitive dissonance going on. Maybe my mind is trying to sort through things, it’s difficult. I do feel that some of the beliefs I hold are internalised societal expectations and my parents’ view of the world. Some of the beliefs also clash with mine too

@creative_writer oh i see, makes sense considering your emotions were heightened at the time. but definitely do take care and maybe stretch/massage your hands a lil if needed.

definitely would be worth raising with your psych, it's one of those things that you've mentioned before too so i can imagine it's been impacting you for a long time. and that clash can be tricky, the way we're brought up, societal expectations - those internalised thoughts have been with you for years, maybe decades? having to challenge and change years/decades worth of negative beliefs sounds like something to work on with a professional, doing it alone can be hard.

i'm going to be heading off soon, i'll catch you next week. hope you have a lovely weekend and be kind to yourself, you deserve it 💗