Dear @Owlunar
I am very glad you put in the report on youth suicide. Yes it takes a lot of time. A gf from choir came with me to the Vic enquiry and she was a teacher all her life then a pvt piano teacher. She said I presented well. I just thought about all the office jobs I had had in that part of town (Paris end) when I was young and did my thing.
Today my counsellor with an MA admitted she thought she was out of her depth and wanted to put a boundary on our discussion going back to only doing the carer for my son stuff and not getting involved in my CSA stuff. It just spilled out to her first because the therapist in the CBD that was "supposed" to do it was on holiday, again. This local lady is nice and was worried and called the CATT team cos I dont think she realised how much I struggled. I will work with her in her boundaries, but the truth of it was she was the first counsellor in all my years of therapy that I shared issues around my sexuality with.And she went, hey, its too much ... I respect her for her honesty,
Sometimes it is the fact of being personally involved that means we can put in the better report. Objectivity is not all it cracked up to be. Sometimes you need to be care and be involved to know what are the important issues.
We are both older sisters. I was oldest. My brother 18 months younger. One thing that is stuck in my mind about him being caring and responsible was when he pointed out to me that mother feeding littliest sis.. vegemite toast and icecream was not healthy. Mother did not eat with us I had to do the mother thing and share out the food and "supervise" but not get any support in discipline... whatever. I am realising how atypical my upbringing was and how conditioned I was and totally oriented to pleasing mother. I did not think through the health and different type of foods she was given as toddler when we were school age. She has big weight issues now. He was just matter of fact and opened my eyes and made me think. Usually I felt more grown up but he saw that one before me. I was more doing peace mission trying to calm waves, but he got down to tin tacks and nutrition before me, which is unusual for a boy. After his behaviour became frequently aggressive and negative I forgot some of his positive sides. I tend to stick up for people and LOOK for the GOOD in them. Through her 20s the icecream became an endless credit card and overseas trips. I thought yay I will be able to share wonderful travel stories with lil sis, but it was always a look down her nose at me. I was a dill and did not get how much she thought she was superior because I felt like a parent to her, with dad gone. Thanks @Former-Member for noticing and caring.
I walked today, was rained on, but that never hurt me. I am not a "you'll catch your death of a cold type."
Big mental health for me day. Psychologist and CATT team. I said I would be the mad and bad one. and then I was getting close to crossing boundaries with my son, telling him I am on a mission to find pointy sticks ... so that I can make it too uncomfortable in bed and we were laughing together but he was being politically incorrect... and so I warn him that I am captivated by charisma as a parent but that when I leave the room I might be cross ... so he explodes in laughter again.
Then he said he just wanted to get to his birthday and have a good day at the zoo with gf and me (she is back). That sounded like totally normal healthy young man stuff. I like that idea too.Its next week.
@Former-Member You and @Owlunar have had some of the most important conversations about dealing with death of a loved one. All my grief counselling did not touch it, cos none of them could talk from experience.
SO thank you Ladies. and @Shaz51 cos you keep hanging around and being a really decent sort to everyone and caring.
Though I was in the silent protests before Julia called the Royal Commission, I some how managed to be last in the queue to be seen. Its next month.
The CATT team guy tonight said I hesitate before taking action all the time. Its true. I also asked this couple if they thought I was angry as the last 2 said it was very strong. I felt I was the same intense bad-joke cracking mad loopy loon. They said I did not appear angry or anxious??
They/We are all different.
