Oh @BlueBay, I know it, those feelings of not being loved. Its mighty powerful when we bring God into our internal dialogue (knowing he does love us sooooooo much, and want what's best) because it helps my heart accept things, and my brain open to the bigger picture (options), a greater purpose for me. This helps stop getting 'stuck' there (well, not all the time, I'm a work in progress too). I often feel punished - that God let those grown vipers loose on my younger self because i was bad, and even feel punished he gave my 12yo wings too soon because I wasn't good enough..., but as Dec reminds me - punishment is not in Gods nature, everything He allows is for a greater purpose (beyond my brain) but I have to believe that deep down, that Somehow I am separate from all that stuff - yet fully aware. During my 'Self Compassion Exercises" as illustrated in Russ Harris book "Reality Slap" - by faith I invite Gods Holy spirit to come in on these powerful meditations, and wow, its not just me holding my own heart, acknowledging my pain, allowing healing - its God who loves me, because of Jesus. I picture Him in the nature of Jesus (compassion, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, healing, resurrection, peace...) Dont know how it works but it changes me for the better, Sometimes I need a sleep / self care for a couple if hours after (like spiritual heart surgery). And when i also realise how imperfect before God i am and how kind he is to me anyway, in so many ways - it helps my self acceptance and being kinder to me, and in turn others. God is for our healing, not leave us stuck in past trauma to relive over and over beating ourselves up like they did to us. And, asking God to deliver me, well, that's powerful and depending on the depth - I have woke many a time unburdened (free).
Oh sorry, I am raving a bit. But it us Sunday 💒 lol (not that I like church structure). The thing I have to remind myself every time I feel like Self Harming... is that still small voice that came to me in hospital I've saying "why do you want to punish yourself when Christ has already paid the price?" Oh how I cried that day.
Its not black&white (Born-Again one day, perfect the next) like most unbelievers think it should be, its a process, a transformation by the renewing of our monds, and hearts, every day decisions. We will stuff up, like everyone else, every day in fact, but forgiven we have hope to pick up anew and as @Faith-and-HopeFaith-and-Hope reminds us a lot - 'just keep swimming" (toward the light of cause:))
I believe in you @BlueBay, one day at a time precious. We're all just walking each other home 💜🌷🌿
Oh @Owlunar, my back, gonna have to resort to the strong stuff to walk today I think - how do you do this? Hugz to you too for being here. Still working on my 'religious' convo reply post to you - bain just doesn't want to go there. Have a Bible Study to catch up on today - for ladies meeting tomorrow - the book of Haggai the prophet. Bit confronting but maybe I have to learn it for a reason, grr. Life certainly has its curve balls (and bolts of lightning lol). Catch you later, hope your day goes well. Oh, do you do church? I'm not motivated for looking at the back of peoples heads, prefer my 'small group' bible study, Jesus is there among us too. Not gunna feel guilty about that anymore. Love you Dec 💜
PS (20min later edit) 😞 don't know what to do here on my own - just got up to get strong pain meds, cant find them, can hardly move, detoured / staggered to toot and had serious trouble bending & stretching there with the pain & stiffness 😞 Finally made brunch - toast and took my medications and layed down, but 😥😢 forgot pain tabs and it hurta so much to get up again. Don't know - when does one call for help? I couldn't drive like this I don't think. 🌷🌿
