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Life can be a Pain

Life can be a Pain

Hi @BlueBay@Zoe7@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@oceangirl@TAB@Shaz51@PeppiPatty

I know there are more people I could tag but maybe I will think them up as I go along - actually I already have

I think I need my own thread - mostly my problem is chronic pain syndrome - I damaged my spine with the sporting excesses of my youth - a long time ago now - and I managed to rearrange it when I fell of my pushbike in a wind storm nearly 22 years ago and that seems a long time ago now but there is nothing they can do except treat the pain - and I do have Section 8 medication and I see a pain specialist

And the pain has been worse lately and wears me down and I get fed up and very tired -

I have issues with my mother as well - and although she died 2 years ago I still have bad times now and again - she was abusive and as well as I know myself and her this can get to me at times - and this is another reason I opened my own thread

Then there is TS - my Toxic Sister - she was under my skin for a while but not at the moment

So yesterday I felt so bad when I went to see the doctor about my back pain - and my pain specialist has cut my medication back several times over the last few years and she has gone too far - and I started to tell my doctor - yes - I cope with the pain better since my mother died - but it's driving me crackers atm and so are the memories of my mother

So that's it for now - I have had trouble opening this thread for some reason but now I have - I will run my own story - I would like to think I don't need to but yes - I do

You are all such wonderful supportive people - you are my soft place to land - that is so true

And anyone I have missed I will tag as I go along

Lots of hugs everyone

Dec

5211 replies

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In response to: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Nice @Owlunar thanks. Am at work. Am not getting paid for half an hr a day, working through agency who is now ignoring me..
Apparently today is ru ok day. I felt like saying how about fixing my pay up instead?
Was a bbq here. I forgot. Was really struggling with a job used to be ok at well years ago. Amazing what you can forget or never really knew lol

In response to: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Owlunar

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Anastasia

Yes - I do have a thread and I am tagging you into it.

I joined Sane Forums early in 2016 - my mother had died about a year before that and we had a troubled relationship and my grief was complex - I needed help and I found it here

Also - I have chronic pain and my son died in 1986 - a long time ago - but I know I will never really get over this though I have learned to live around it - he was very troubled - rather than have you read through the thread to learn about this I will tell you

We adopted him when he was a very small baby and of course - he was told - he never did like this though what could anyone have done to change this was not something he understood - he also had a strong feeling he was of mixed race which I found to be true - his birth father was of a indigneous background so that was enough for him to go of the rails - he died in Juvenile Detention in spite of my doing my best for him.

He was beautiful and people thought of him as angelic - poor little boy - he was so mixed up. They say takes a village - but the village failed us both - and that's the brief story.

I pick up that your boy is special and I would like to know more. I think you have a thread but I am not sure - could you tag me too so I can find out. I like you too -

I also have a daughter - and an adult grand-daughter who lives in Queensland. I am really looking forward to the lockdown being over so I can visit her. My daughter lives a few km from me but it has been a long time since I saw her - in spite of the lockdown I had to stay at her place after I had a procedure in hospital in July - a sort of inverse lucky event.

I hope your day is the best it can be - we are having a lovely day in Melbourne - but we can't go anywhere

Dec

Welcome to the forum family MyBoy

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thank you @Owlunar I have saved your thread. I'm spending the day overnight with my boy. So just wanted to let you know that I will reply properly on my return home late Sat/ Sunday. I am so sorry to read if your loss, my heart breaks for you. Chat soon xxxx

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

ohhh hugs @Anastasia

ohh my second mum @Owlunar how are you today

Glad i have become mum's carer now

but it is hard on mr shaz but funny he did want to semi retire , and now he can xx

Hello @Emelia8 , @TAB

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Powderfinger - wrote

Hi, I do not know where to start even within myself. I actually for the first time in a very long time have trouble speaking. I don't speak slot or engage a lot. Don't know why either. It's hard to find words most days.

I'm still fighting for my life. I'm.not out if the woods entirely. Getting out of this big black hole us going to take time.

It sounds like you were ready to leave the relationship you did. Letting go of a toxic friendship around the same time is a big one in itself.

Coronairus has changed the entire world. I can't think about it most days. I struggled with how the world responded. It has left me with a really I'll view of humanity.

Then there was the killing of George Floyd, which was beyond any response I could even muster. Yes, it has been happening for such a very long time. The whole world saw this though. I do want all four police officers to be given double life sentences with no chance of parole. They took two lives, George's and his mother's. I keep an eye what is going on when I can manage.

I wrote an article when it happened. One of the hardest articles I have ever written in my career.

There are many things that drive my distaste for the world. I think this year just solidified my feelings even more. I mainly stick to myself now. I help out when I can. Mainly stick to myself though.

I'm sorry there was a terrible post yesterday. I hope the person was dealt with. I'm also very glad that members gathered round each other and supported one another. Just goes to show that online communities can and do work. Proud of the community and I can imagine the strong unity and support.

Thanks for sharing Dec.

Hi @Powderfinger

I feel easier writing my stories here - though it was okay writing where you did

With all that has been happening in your life and also in the public world I am not at all surprised that you and many other people are having trouble speaking - and in your case - also writing - where do we start when there is so much chaos? What do we deal with first? So much has happened this year that I am seriously wondering what causes this but think it's just an accumulation of small details and some get out of control when the public environment gets out of whack - or maybe it has something to do with the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn and it will be all over by the end of the year - I do sort of look at astrology now and again and it's interesting that the world was a bit chaotic in 1995 when this alignment of the planets happened the last time

Enough of that

Breaking off friendships and relationships is always hard whoever decides it is enough - for whatever reasons - I had to break it off with my own parents - as an adult I had no need for their imput into the difficult and heart-breaking decisions I had to make during those tough years and also - my sister said they drove me away but no - as an adult I chose to leave and it was really hard doing that - so I guess in my old age I feel relieved I made those decisions and can be my own person now - I hope you can reach this stage sooner rather than later but it takes time

And writing or talking about something can make it real when we don't want it to be - so yes - there are things I never say or write but they are true. Getting out of black holes takes time, effort and courage - but I do wish you the best with the process

George Floyd and Black Lives Matter - I do understand the feelings that are stirred up by this really digusting display of police brutality and I am experiencing them from both sides - my father, grand-father and brother were all policemen and I have cousins and other family members who are or have been in the force too - so yes - having police officers behave in such an horrendous manner really bothers me.

And harder than that - my son died in Juvenile Detention - he took his own life so the authorities had no role in this but still - he was an adopted child and I found the truth after he died that his birth father was of indigenous descent and so Black Lives Really Matter to me. I did a lot of research into Aboriginal Deaths in Detention at the time of the Royal Commission and had my son's details added to the stats - I wrote a lot on the subject for the Task Force into Youth Suicide. I have been really active and that was in the past

I might have demonstrated about Black Deaths Matter this year but with the coronavirus and my own aggravated shoulder injury this would not have been wise - after all - I did my bit - I have demonstrated about issues in the past, went on strike once, often written to politicans and news papers - and I can say this - being active when the world seems to be going to (insert whatever word your chose) really helps - when you feel like writing again then write on these subjects even if you just blog it for yourself - it does get the ideas out of your head so they don't run you down - which hurts your life when this happpens -

And you are right - when George Floyd died his mother changed too - I know from experience - my life changed radically after my son died - I am a different person now and I think for a crazy mix-up kid he gave me a wonderful gift - many actually - I am a much better and more articulate person now - I was studying at university when he died - part time - and graduated with honours a few years later - I was like a Phoenix rising from the ashes -

So - keep to yourself while you need to - life has changed for you and the world for everyone - but plan on moving out when you can - so much has driven you back into yourself so you need to re-evalute you life - so let it change you for the better - I know this can be done - it just takes time

I am glad you shared this - thanks for trusting me

Dec

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hello dear @Owlunar

We are home now. Pooped, happy and having some space apart...for now. So as promised I can reply properly to your lovely message. I just read your message to @Powderfinger and it made me emotional. You really are such a lovely person Dec x

I will start by saying that I am glad you found the forums when you needed them and they helped you. I'm happy you were able to reconcile with your Father, sad that you never could with your Mother. I can't even imagine how hard that would have been to work through. My darling boy who I'll get to has a similar situation with his Father and it's heartbreaking. It is something his therapist is working on with him at present. Anyway I digress...your boy, your story breaks my heart. I am truly deeply sorry for your loss. For the loss of a beautiful child that had it tough from word go. You gave him the opportunity to soar but sadly he chose not to. Something as a parent I don't think we ever really comprehend or accept. So from one Mumma to another I send you a ginormous hug xxx

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Back again @Owlunar

My boy needed me for a hug. Time apart can be minutes or longer depending on his headspace.

I am so sorry that you cannot have contact with your daughter. That would be terribly difficult. I do hope the situation improves so that the lockdown can lift. It is taking a dreadful toll on so many.

My story... my boy has schizoeffective disorder as well as ADHD and severe social anxiety. He's beautiful, such a good heart and kind soul. It's been a very long road consisting of his first hospitalisation early last year as a result of trying to end his life. Since then he's been admitted voluntarily 6 more times just to get his meds right. I took out private cover in the beginning so we've had the luxury for want of a better word for a choice of hospitals. He has severe swings from deep depression with si and high highs where there are no limits or boundaries. The last admission a few weeks ago seem to have him on the right track. For now. I pray it lasts. I have finally had NDIS approved and so his supports have started although slowly due to the dreaded covid and no face to face contact.

As far as me, I now have ridiculously high anxiety, I'm on edge all the time and I overthink everything. I struggle to go to work as I don't like to leave him. I have a beautiful boyfriend (I'm nearly 50 so I find that funny) who is supportive emotionally but gets frustrated with me for the way in which I behave at times. Woops had to duck away to my boy again, this time for longer.

I now see a therapist to help me develop tools to better support my boy rather than enable him. I have a long way to go. The first 12 months after he tried to take his life I spent worried about whether the day was "the day" so my whole existence and thoughts revolved around it. My older son is not the same, it hit him hard too, the boys love each other but their relationship is strained as they are like black and white , it makes me sad. In truth my oldest son probably has resentment for the past two years and our changed lives.

I came on here as I hit rock bottom and had suicidal thoughts myself so knew I needed help. Whilst I was "coping" with my boy, my father was diagnosed with liver and thyroid cancer, this tipped me off the see saw that I had been balancing on for the past two years. Being here has helped. I no longer have those thoughts just difficult days and I struggle to shift my headspace. Something I'm working on. Gosh if you're still reading, you've done well. This is the most I've written here.

I hope you are having a lovely day and look forward to staying in touch xxx Oh, my thread is Trying to stay Sane 🌷

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Powderfinger , hope you're ok?

Hi @Shaz51 I'm so stoked you have finally been granted to be your Mum's carer. Thank you for all of the tags, I'm sorry I've been "offline" but none went unnoticed, I am grateful for your friendship ❣️

Hello @Emelia8 , I miss you my friend ❤️

Hello my favourite cat @TAB 😺 I hope you are resting after a hectic week?

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Re: Life can be a Pain

😸 still working 12hrs/7days week @Anastasia lol
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