Life can be a Pain

Forward together @BPDSurvivor

Hi @outlander @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @BlueBay @Maggie etc

I managed to get a bit of asthma from the weather - the asthma storm - and I felt really buggered for a few days - no big deal really - mostly I was just tired. Okay - really tired - I got up late and then watched a movie and still feel like going back to bed and going back to sleep

Not all is bad news though - I have an appointment with the new pain specialist in a few weeks - I don't have to wait nearly as long as I thought - all the form-filling-out and extra writing was worth the effort - and I am seeing the psychologist twice before I see him so I feel well prepared and I have the support of my GP

And I have actually got around to getting myself connected to the NBN and I am waiting for my new smart phone - when I told the guy at Telstra I had my current one for nearly 5 years he was surprised - and I would go on with it but I am ready to have a phone with all the apps working - but that phone sure has lasted for a long time -

And it's Cup Day on Tuesday and my Son-in-Law will be backing my horses for the Cup - I get a real high out of watching the Cup every year - it's the only time I gamble and then not a lot but while the race is being run I get really excited - I had a win about every second year for a few years and it has been a while since I was that lucky - maybe this year,

Reading back on this thread was interesting - I knew I had a year that had a lot of stuff happening but having this on-line journal is interesting - there were things I had forgotten - I remembered when I reminded myself. Life has it's ups-and-downs - no one has it easy - we are all in this together

I wish everyone the best

Dec

I enjoy watching those beautiful horse

Hi @Maggie

I am pretty sure I am sane - but proving that to some people can be hard - my past is sticky - I cannot avoid the truth - that 1986 was a year from hell - certain things happen and we cannot change the past - just accept it - and as hard as it can be - forgive people for our own sake - and not let them hurt us again - which means avoiding toxic people -

And so to be honest with the psychologist and the new specialist about the past but be firm that it is in the past and not affecting me much now - I still have my bad days but who doesn't - one thing is not to protest too much - to try and convince anyone that a major, tragic event no longer has bad memories attached would be counter-productive but yes - it is in the past and it doesn't make my pain worse - the pain came years later.

About specialist appointments - it is very hard in the public system - I waited 9 months to see a surgeon about torn tendons in my shoulder when I was in the public system - by the time I saw the surgeon I decided I didn't need the operation. It has been okay since. This kind of waiting can be tough - it can take a long time - sometimes years - out of people's lives -

But luckily I am now in the Private System - I had to jump through hoops to get this appointment - yes - who does invent these questionaires? I must have done it well though because I see him in 3.5 weeks which isn't long really - I thought it would be much longer

A year to see an RA specialist seems egregious - I am glad you only have a few weeks to go now - are you in the public systems or the private system? It really bothers me that people needing medical attention with a specialist have to wait for such a long time in any system but the public system seems harder.

I could have seen a different specialist more quickly but I wanted to see this person - my permit for medication is still current for a few months so let me think - I didn't start working on this until I got back from holidays in September and I am seeing him in November. I had an MRI first and I was surprised at the results and the truth that my old specialist wanted me to cut my medication back radically without any checking of my situation. Shocked really. I do seem to have the luck of the Irish and things are working out so far. I would not have this good luck if I was stuck in the public system though -

I really hope your appointment with the RA specialist goes well for you and it doesn't seem to take a long time to get for the next few weeks together - I know RA is a complex condition and painful - so - we can get through his time together and I do wish you the best

Dec

Hi @outlander

I have read somewhere in the forum that you had a tooth or teeth out and that it is all taking a lot of time to heal - and it is really uncomfortable for you and you still have to work in spite of not being well

yes - I do understand - living on shakes etc must be difficult and working with an infection in a surgical site really tough

I know you really do your best in the world against odds I wouldn't like to face myself - okay - we all have our obstacles but still - working so hard caring for othe people when you really need that care yourself can be just plain miserable at times

I wish I could do that caring for you - alas - we can only be here to help each other along the tracks - and I read you message - you care but don't have the words but that message said a lot and was just fine - I understood it

Sending my best wishes

Dec

Btw - was this the operation you were waiting to have? - the one you did so much to prepare for - or is that still to happen?

hello and hugs my second mum @Owlunar

Gday all @Shaz51 @Decadian @Owlunar @outlander @BlueBay!

Just another day in the roller coaster life of a BPD survivor - not smooth sailing.

Public holiday tomorrow for Melbournians = stress day for BPDers.

One day I think I'm on top of the world, and the next I feel down in the ditch.

Thanks fellow-contributors that I can have a voice in these forums no matter the insignificance of my posts. Love to you all!

@Owlunar I’m pleased you have the luck of the Irish regarding seeing a pain specialist sooner, rather than later. 🍀🍀🍀🍀

Tragic pasts are painful and always will be, but you do sound like you have come through the worst, and done it well. Good on you. That cannot have been easy. 💕💕

Yes @Owlunar I am in the public system, and it is very broken. I too find it awful that people needing medical attention, have to wait such long times before seeing someone who can help. Nothing we can do there though, just grin and bear it I guess.

I hope your appointment goes well @Owlunar , and that things are ok for you, while you wait. 💜💜💜

Hi @Maggie

And thanks - that's a very supportive post - my life hasn't been easy - I have been through some of the really tough stuff in life and come out being better for it - that's a pretty good life aspect I think - and especially good when someone acknowledges it

Yes - the Public System is broken and there is little to do but grin and bear it. It is a terrible situation and there are thousands of people suffering. I know it's worse in other countries and we pay very high taxes in this country - it is a very sorrowful state of affairs

I hope your appointment with the RA specialist goes well - things must have been really hard for you waiting so long and RA is complex and painful I know that. I'm sure you are affected by the weather also.

We are all entitled to complain a bit though - it raises my hackles when people say "Can't complain" - of course we can complain - in Melbourne people complain about the weather constantly - it's our major conversational passtime. We tell each other about it alll the time as if the other people hasn't noticed but no one complains about the complaints. Ha Ha.

The time seems to be going fast though - I am seeing my new psychologist tomorrow and it's only 3 weeks until I see the Pain Specialist - and today is Melbourne Cup Day - after several wet days it seems it will be fine for the race - it usually is - I have money on a few horses in the Cup and enjoy the race -

And I had a wonderful sleep in today - one of my favourite things

Thanks Maggie - I do hope things improve when you have some solutions from the RA Specialist - it has been a terribly long wait for you

Dec

Hi @BPDSurvivor

Yes - you have a voice here and your posts are not insignificant. They are all important - some people write more than other people - that's true - but I think the idea is writing something - keeping in touch - your foot in the door so to speak.

We can't answer the people who say nothing. A long time ago I was a volunteer TC Councellor - sometimes people would ring up but say nothing and hang up. I couldn't say anything to them - if someone said just a little it was always a start.

I am sure you will say more when your confidence increases.

Life is pretty much like a roller-coaster for everyone I think - but people with BPD seem to feel it more. My son most likely had BPD - those "disorders" didn't seem to have names 40 odd years ago but his life seemed unpredicatable and he would whoosh downhill really fast and plug away uphill again just to hit the dive button and go down again.

I never knew what his face would be like when he came in the back gate from school - sometimes it was like thunder and I always had chores done because he nearly always needed a lot of time. It was hard living with him - it would have been harder being him. I still don't really understand BPD but I am learning. It's great that you are posting here because the more people say thing more I understand and it is a really difficult disorder to experience

So yes - you do have a voice and a place to use it - my love to you too

Dec

The BPD experience