Life can be a Pain

ohhh hugs @Owlunar

i have to go back to my specialists to get a helthcare plan for the year -- i don`t really want too xxx

Sounds like a very tiring day @Owlunar

hope you managed to have a sleep

thinking if you xxxooo

@Owlunar 💕💜💞

Thanks @Shaz51

And with all these plans and forms etc - all the paperwork set up to make life difficult

It just seems to make life harder doesn't it

But we have to do it for the care we need - all the best with that Shaz

Dec

Actually - I used to like doing it when I was on the other side of the equation

I was super-tired after yesterday @BlueBay - really exhausted

I stretched out on my bed and slept for ages - got up and turned the TV on and went back to sleep again - leaving chores undone which I hate doing and so I had them to do this morning

That's one thing about living alone - there is no one around to give me a hard time about an untidy kitchen and the clothes that should have been washed and normally I would do it all but today - there had to be a problem

My agency rang - my domestic helper couldn't come today - I was asleep when I got the early phonecall and was quite glad I could have the morning to myself - and got up a bit later with a headache and back pain and stared around blearily asking myself where to start and I got another phonecall - could my shopping lady come right away - and I had to say - "No - I can't do that - I am not at all well - I will feel better by noon"

It's not easy being assertive BlueBay - when I get the time I will write up something about being assertive and saying no when things are not convenient - I don't feel happy about it but just think of what would or could have happened

I would have come back feeling worse - as it is I have a second load in the washing machine - I am showered and my headache and back-pain have eased up -

It's been a bad week - the Maintenance Inspection was okay though I was up really early for that - the Pain Clinic was really hard. I am glad I did Assertiveness Training - today I would liked to have helped my worker out but it is never on for me to go shopping early - I think the rostering department knows that but this person obviously did not - so yes - it's better to feel uncomfortable and attend to my own needs first -

I want you to learn this too - it's not easy but worth it - when the lady arrives in a short while I will be organised -

I was totally disorganised this morning -

Dec

This could have happened it I hadn't taken the time

Instead I feel calm and ready for the public

I wish I was like you @Owlunar assertive.

But im not.

Its nit good you had trouble eith your neck and headache. I understand.

But glad it’s eased up a little.

Yiu need your rest. It’s good thst you slept in.

I’m angry @Owlunar with me and the world. I don’t know why it where it’s coming from. But I have so much ch anger inside. 😢😢

I’m at wirk lunch break. I’ll chat later.

Xxxx

lots of hugs my second mum @Owlunar

Being assertive isn't easy @BlueBay - we need to work out whose problem this issue is and what our rights are - and I would have set something up by now but it's a complex set of ideas and worth it to carry it out but after being really assertive last week I am exhausted

So @Shaz51 @Maggie @eth @Gazza75 @Razzle @utopia @MDT @eth - @BlueBay and anyone else - I was dreading my appointment at the Pain Clinic - I talked about it with my supportive GP and practised saying my piece over and over again and woke up feeling really stressed - I took my time getting ready to go out and got there in plenty of time but I had to wait - the doctors had one of those blessed meetings that people seem to have so many of - and although I completed several Sudoku Puzzles I was worn out when my turn came

Aw - my favouritel little meme for being totalled 0_I_]] - aw - and I hadn't even started yet

Okay - I did make my point - it was a battle - I think I did well - I held my ground - repeating myself if I felt that I wasn't heard - repeated that I felt that I don't need any more psychotherapy at the moment - that I am protecting the centre of the onion - the new green shoot that will grow into new onions - new life - I maintained my position that I am taking less medication all the time and I intend to go on doing this - in my time - I am not a people pleaser but I do try and comply which is not always easy - I do my best and that's the best anyone can do

And seeing as my current programme is working why should anything be changed - this was a wondrous comment btw - the specialist looked frustrated and that was the point I knew I had gone far enough - and I think - so did she

Then she wanted me to have some new for me therapy for my knee - I listened and got the name of the treatment to look up on the internet - I looked it up at home and this is not for me - certainly not yet -

So basically this was a good session - maintaining it was hard - I think we could talk more about maintaining these our postitions in society etc more because it is draining and it's not a case of winning or losing with the professional - it's more a question of winning with ourselves and I did well - very well - and she doesn't want to see me for 8 months - good-ee!!

I was done in - splitting headache - back aching - totally buggered - I knew my taxi-driver and had a joke or two with him but I was pretty quiet going home - I got in and rang Life Line and talked about it - every good call that one - and the feedback was that I was very tired but also I seem to be at peace with things - and I have reached a point where I do not want further treatments and maintained that - all good

But tired - I slept a lot through the afternoon and early evening but then had a restless night - I usually read a lot when I am awake at night - then I had breakfast and went back to sleep to get a phone call before nine about shift changes with my helpers - let's leave that out and jump through several hours until I got to see my doctor and told him how washed out I was - and I asked him

"Can anyone tell me - can you tell me - why anyone expects my pain to be less when over nearly 25 years there has been nothing done to improve the condition of my spine and these people want me to take less and less medication and even stop taking it?

I got an answer - the doctors are trained to get us to talk less and less of this kind of medication because we tend to develop a tolerance to it - and I am not accepting this - and some doctors would consider me to be a "difficult patient" and so much trouble that they finally say "Let's see her in 8 months" so I can go away and live my life and reduce at my level and they don't think about me for 8 months and I have my authority and permits

So - in spite of how I feel with my headaches etc - I think I really did it - I made my point - for the next few months I will be left in peace

This was a good session - I am so glad I can share this with everyone

Dec

Well done @Owlunar . Hope you're feeling a bit more rested by now. A huge day for you. I absolutely love your onion metaphor - it will stay with me. Take care xx