Life can be a Pain

hello @Owlunar TAWNEY

I read your words and feel for you both.

No matter how long ago, the memory would still be clear.

The bond forms from birth and stays with us forever no matter what the circumstances. Some people are not open to this, therefore do not feel this way.

Loss of a family member is horrendous; loss of a child; no word to describe the immensity.

Appleblossom, I sense you. you are grieving.

I am grieving yet have no direction. I am lost. I am just sitting in the now. I cannot allow myself to think in the future, the tears just flood and the feelings overwhelm. So I gently pull myself back to the now.

We can all sit together, silent, remembering, loving,feeling, releasing, bonding.

hello @Owlunar, are you ok my friend

hope you are xx

Hi @Shaz51

I am okay thanks - but it's my turn for the Forum Headache so my messages will be short and sweet

I am hoping you are okay today also -

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

You are right - the loss of a child is devastating - and it doesn't matter how old that child is

Many years ago now an elderly lady approached me - too unsure to talk about the death of her son who would have been in his 50s - she could only tell me that other people did not understand her but I did

I had to ask someone else what it was - alas - she had lost a child - and at her age the problems that stacked up against her were different and in some ways - more scary

We learn more from the death of a child than anything else - it is hard - I have had people tell me they could not live if one of their children died but people have to - and this is the learning curve that no one wants

But I have learned so much - it was the most important thing that ever happened to me

Certainly other rites of passage are important in a major way - what about the birth of our children?

We learn a lot but in a different way - rough at times but not all at once -

Thanks for your kind thoughts Mohill - they are appreciated

Dec

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

No - I haven't- I don't think I know Everythings Cats - but I shall certainly look

Dec

Yes @Owlunar, I think I need this weekend to recover , still sure in places which i didn`t think you would with an infection , got a doctor`s appoinment on tuesday-- i will asked him about the other pains in my leg xx

I was reading you message to @Former-Member

and I agree, even though I have not lost a child of my own but I have been very close to ones who have

Like my little cousin spent so much time in hospital and I had been with him while he was in hospital , it was soo hard when he left, he was 6 , that i could not even look at sunflowers without crying

The other one was a boy i looked after for years -- 10 hours a daycare for years , and you don`t expect things to happen but sadly they do , years later his mum asked me to do cleaning at her house every 2 weeks -- I cryed while cleaning

Aw @Shaz51 - I am sorry about your little cousin - leaving when he was only 6 years old - so young and obviously so sick - that would be a devastating memory

My little cousin died at 36 hours I think - I never saw her of course - being very premature - but I had just miscarried myself - and I stood in the back of the church after the funeral crying and crying and my mother could not get me to stop

Of course that was so long ago - nearly 50 years ago I think - and that death does not follow me everyday - but when I do think of it I remember the sorrow I had that day

I hate to think of children suffering - and had my cousin live she would have suffered a life-time of disability and that is hard to think about - but God chose what to do and it's best to leave it with him

I hope your kidney infection and the pain clears quickly - ah life and the things that assail us!!

Dec

hello @Shaz51 @Decadian

The loss of a child, a family member is huge shaz. As well as someone you cared for so often.

That is grief through loss.

You are both such strong ladies as are others on here whom I have read their posts and responded to.

I know also there are strong men, of all ages, those with symptoms of mental illness. I think that it is harder for males even in todays modern society. Feminism has not been the best in all areas of life. It has been the cause of distress to males. Yes we have come a long way in some areas, yet have gone backwards in others.

t

Hi @Former-Member@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@utopia

Saturday afternoon - Easter Saturday

Easters are hard for me - things tend to go wrong at Easter - not every Easter - but it seems that if it Easter and there is a problem somewhere - it gets its dates right

Last Easter I spent 4 days nursing my foot - actually I broke a bone in it - but I had it elevated - four days alone during bleak weather feeling the worst wedding anniversary ever during the Easter Break in 1986 - same dates pretty much

I felt really down-in-the-dumps - how did I survive that - anyway

I have had dreams about my family - my parents have passed - and I found myself really telling my father he had no idea about my life with my son - really - being so hard on him was some kind of victory - when I woke up I found myself wanting to get back into that dream and keep going - but that didn't happen -

But dreams about TS have been nasty - I had one last night and one the night before and I do not trust her - sometimes she seems so nice in dreams - but I feel uneasy - and when I wake up I feel ill -

I got a generic email from my rellies in Tassie - everyone got the same email - everyone - including TS - I can very brushed off - and although I think my rellies really care I am deeply concerned for them - and not at all sure if I should give them an Easter phonecall - or not - I don't want to intrude but it takes a lot from me to reach out all the time - maybe it will be an Easter email tomorrow - but it will only for them - not for everyone

My dd, gd and sil came up for Easter Buns yesterday - and my daughter suggested this herself - I actually think that she and TS fell out after my aunt died last year because I am rejoicing that dd seems to care about me much more lately. Sometimes it just takes faith in the person we love - and I could not love anyone anymore than I love her - she is beautiful and a miracle - and it was wonderful having her here with her family

So my back pain is playing up with the change in the weather - I think - and I have a bunch of Kathy Reichs books and one (the last) of the Heaven series - to read - prepared myself for a weekend with bleak weather

And I guess the good thing is that I think about ringing Life Line now and again - but think it through - I can't think of where to start - or what I really what I want to talk about

So today I decided to make soup - vegetable and barley and bacon - and these is one bit of good news from the site

I can post my likes and messages without having to log in everytime I need to make some kind of like or message - thanks everyone at Sane Forums for that

And thanks to everyone for being here - it's like a reservoir of love - and caring - when people respond to each others' messages and we can share our lives

My Easter wishes to the Forum Family

Dec