Life can be a Pain

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I looked up "What are glass flowers?" and they are highly realistic models of many types of plants made of glass. Some thing else I learned from David Attenborough is that there are species of sponges that seem to be made of some kind of glass growing deep in the sea and they are very hard - and I will seem if I can find some of them to post

Yes - I can post this one in the Community Garden Thread - I guess I can find it but it is easier to be tagged - the one I posted here does look like a daffodil - I really love sharing the things I find

All the best Faith - I read bits of your life and what goes on - yes - you would need that walk to the coffee shop and I am sorry that D3 is battling - when I was here early in the piece I remember you having trouble getting her to school - that was before you went to Europe and oh dear - it this inherited as well as your son - ah S2 I think?

Do your kids have insight into this or is it all in the dark with them too - you really are fantastic coping with all of this - I bet it is really hard - harder than I can imagine -

I only had one badly wired child - that was enough - I do wish you the best with continuing love and prayers

Dec

i @Former-Member

I am having a shower and going to bed after this post - last night I had fun with my cat wanting to get

under that doona and I would not move because I was trying to get warm in bed - I love this little furry monster but she can be really bossy - of course - she's a cat - right

We have a lot coming up - yes - Mother's Day sucks - we have enough triggers and both of us are running into a bunch of them at the same time - we need to

Travel the road - sharing the road

I find this My Aged Care stuff really confusing and I am hard to confuse - I have yet to hear one good thing about it - I can put it off for a bit longer and I have choices other people don't but I had my cage rattled again today - ah yesterday rather - when I talk to my Case Worker it seems as if we are having different conversations -

Keep in touch - I always enjoy your posts and I know you have a major life-change to deal with and extra with your Dad - still thinking of you

mmmmyp

Dec

Hi @Owlunar .....

Thank you for your caring post, as always ......

I thought you might be interested to know a bit more about this personality type we are managing across the family.

From what I understand, all personality types can become dysfunctional, for a wide variety of reasons, but mostly these are centred around trauma, and possibly inherited trauma, (which appears to be a new field of study). If inherited trauma exists in the form I think it does, that would go a long way to explaining how this particular personality type has been triggered to dysfunction in several of this generation of the family.

Then, when we look at dysfunction, there is a range across that description too. My D2,who has an intellectual disability, is referred to as “high-functioning” for instance ..... which means that she can manage a lot of life skills, but is not safely independent. In the same manner, personalities that have become disordered can be high-functioning, and that is where my mr is ..... seemingly okay to those who don’t know the truth of our situation. The two most-affected kids have been on the border, dipping into dysfunctional states, then returning to functional.

I am assuming all this makes sense to you ?

This particular personality type appears to be more prone to some of the trickier personality disorders, and it is possible to trigger them into these states, or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that they can be triggered into far more dysfunctional states, the base traits of which are already present. That being the case, CBT and DBT are very useful tools for helping to navigate life’s challenges and remain in the functional sphere.

I had been working to temper these base traits in the kids who have this type of personality as they were growing up .... teaching them to moderate, teaching them empathy (possibly more inherent in them than my mr owing to my genetic make-up) teaching them how to process their emotions and determine value boundaries. These things are helping S2and D3 to recover their balance, because they have mental health workers supporting the teaching in this direction, and explaining the pitfalls of not applying them. By association, mr. is learning that he has to respect this in the kids, and to some extent it is helping him too, however at his core he is far less stable than they are, and can trigger to different presentations of disorder very quickly, that then have to be “managed” by the rest of us.

Its not that my personality type isn’t prone to its own forms of dysfunction, but they are likely to be different ones, and from what I am learning, I appear to have been taught some of the principles of CBT and DBT through the ways of my family, and my extended family did not suffer the same sort of trauma, that might be inherited, that mr’s did. We did have a few of our own, and the same personality type might be coming through my genetic lines as well, because we have our own dysfunctional / high-functioning family members, as I would expect is normal to most families.

I have heard this said before, and I agree with it - “What has happened to this person to create a state that is dysfunctional / traumatised ..... and how do we help them to regain their stability and / or heal ?” If inherited trauma is part of the equation, then it becomes - “What has happened to this family ..... ?”

The eating disordered behaviour that I first wrote about may have been a trigger for my mr .... or it may be / have been symptomatic of other disorders all along. As much as we might try to piece it together to continue managing our situation, these things require professional attention and explanation. Some of that is coming to us through treating the kids, but mr. remains “the big one” .....

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, so much there for you, so many balls to juggle, dont know how ya do it. Just gotta i guess. Hugz

Oh @Owlunar, you're doing well. I've been dealing with 'My Aged Care' stuff atm too, re dad. There does seem to be a lot of teething problems atm

Also, some staff / people are more 'in-the-know' than others. I found getting all the ACAT assessment coads an issue. A different code for every services grr

I recently solicited a Linen Service & if it wasnt for the provider having a friend @ MAC to talk to (unofficially), i'd orobably still be waiting for an unnecessary return call from a non existing code provider (or whatever it was i was flipped off with). I would suggest ringing back- talk to someone different.

lol

Gosh, i just layed down for a rest & got woken by x2 phone calls re dad's care. Hate that, makes my heart pound. We've had x2 nurses, teadesman, physio & linen service here all before 11am today - crazy! I have to record everything as memory for names & detail not too good lol. Tricky business now i have to dig up my glasses to write, or see anything. Finding stuff is my biggest frustration. Scatty head like me mum 😱

Systems LOL

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks for the info - it certainly makes sense and gives me more insight and also increases feeling that empathy is a major emotional and - yes - most of us have to learn that and it is harder for some than others

I didn't really know about empathy when my son was alive but his personality type was resistant to someone having needs above his own so although I didn't know the word I certainly knew the concept - I applied it to myself I guess - looking back through decades - but yes - teaching your kids this - regardless if they need to be taught at all - and D3 and S2 must if they have the same personality type as mr - then it has to help if they want to learn and I sense that they do - but it seems with mr he is like my son and can't see it -

This is such an exercise - wow Faith - I came apart with one to care for - it is overwhelming to think about to this day.

And D2 - intellectually disabled is considered high-functioning and the others have this disorder -

Lables are so confusing - perhaps they are necessary for the profession - everyone is unique but we all have inherited traits -

Your personality type is the helping kind - really into it but yes - everyone - whatever the label - can become dysfunctional at times - whatever caused my Emotional Fragility may have been there before of after my son's MI but it certainly has been around since. The difference now is that I rarely feel shut down to the point I can't do ANYTHING for the time being but in the past I would be TOTALLY unable to do anything except the most basic of personal things.

One thing good about reading some of these threads is that I am learning all the time and there are conditions I was unaware of before I came here - this is helpful - maybe more professional people - not necessary for them to the in the MH field but all people who are in charge of other people need to know something about personality types and how to utililze people's best attributes

Thanks for including this Faith - it is clear to read and helpful

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

My Aged Care - eeekkkkk - I love your pics

I managed to get through to them yesterday and I can get in touch with them in a year - and actually I don't care if I never hear from them again

From what I saw on TV there are people who have insufficient or inappropriate care and the whole thing is a shambles and there is not enough money to cover the concept - there is not enough in the budget for it and I am waiting for the May budget - and tired of talking about this with my case worker and starting to feel as if the whole deal is really too hard and maybe she was having a bad day

Do other people feel as if the are talking to someone else and get a strong feeling that we are having different conversations - this is people not listening - almost if they have an idea of what they think and don't think we could have a different point of view - maybe it's me insisting on my conversation but this happens and I listen to other people - but do I want to spend my whole life doing that? No - sometimes I want to be heard

Anyway - I am glad you are getting some help for your Dad - and therefore yourself - are you able to get in touch with other people who are caring for family members with dementia? I know that there are people who can put people in touch with each other - I wasn't a carer for my mother and didn't see her but that didn't mean I needed the help but actually I didn't qualify - but you would - so I hope you are find these people - you would find you are not alone

Your family - sheesh - brother gambled away his inheritance - that is his choice but wow - that is hard to take - however - I was thinking that you are caring for Dad now and protecting him from your MI brothers from sponging on him - and there could be some guilt around the others because you are doing what they don't want to or will not or can't

You are doing great as bad as you might or are feeling - but you are doing a great job at a rough time in your life

I care heaps Lapses

Now can I find that cute pic

Oh yes - lotsa hugs

Dec

Hi @Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51@outlander@Appleblossom

Yesterday I saw my therapist - talking about the past is an exercise in seeing light and shadow - there are hard parts I survived yet right through it all are the great moments

The life and death of my son still tear me down - even all these years later - I don't live with it every day but there are moments when I can feel the past like a chasm I could fall into but won't - and I have been here before and didn't fall

All my life I have had a sense of self - a light that never goes out - it can burn less or burn up more brightly - and there is my faith that has only grown stronger

I will not accept that darkness as being so powerful it will take me - but I don't like it one bit and I will not let anyone take my right to grieve but I will take any help to get past the dark parts

It was really rattling though - I walked out feeling as if the ground was having an earth tremor - only a feeling - it wore off over time

And there is always something else - life seems to be a screw-up at times - with minor issues that are in our path to cause us moments of irritation - but attended to pass off - which has to be good

So yes - life is an art form I guess - I am going to have to look up a word - chiaroscuro - spell check tells me that's right - and this is powerful in art. It's seeing how light and darkness are so strong when we need to see the picture -

I will work toward that understanding - but I have the idea at least

This isn't one of my own photos and I have a feeling that it's not the right way up but we would never notice one without the other

Dec