Life can be a Pain

Hi @outlander

I am going to have a good time when I am away - it is my intention to follow plans and see more this trip - I have been to Hobart often and it's a place I know pretty well

And because of my sprained ankle I haven't done the clothing shopping I planned so I might do that in Hobart also

Yes - it is rotten being kept away from family - I spent too much time away from my father when things were very dark in my life - and I really don't know much about that - and then in his later years we saw each other whenever there was a reason but the rest of the family was about and it wasn't until a few days before Dad died that we had a fantastic conversation that everyone should be able to have with people we love - I still thank God for it.

And yes - carers can make mistakes - but we all make mistakes and better to make mistakes than to do nothing - or like some people - be so afraid of life they never enjoy anyrthing.

We are all a works-in-progress - and we learn and people will die anyway - we all have to and there is less to fear because I think of it this way

Why be afraid of something that everyone has to go through? It's natural. I have no idea what happens after by I am convinced there is another life - energy never goes away - it just changes

But I hear you - you tried to save your Nan and she died and you also tried to stop the dog-attack and this is the time of year - we have this in common - my son went into Juvenile Detention at the beginning of April and I thought he would be safe there but he wasn't.

And people make there own choices - he did - I understand powerful feelings and when there are times when we need not feel responsible for things that happen - we do at times - and we can have PTSD.

I have realised lately I have had less PTSD - I might be winning that one - let's see how I go through the next few months - I will be in the site more during the next weeks because of the time my son was in prison is always hard - he wasn't safe but he made his own choices as much as I am sorry I couldn't change anything

I would like to see your solar system and owl stickers - and I will look at your thread Rough Time - and my garden - I am pleased with it right now - and the tomato plant can be cut back to new growth which will look better - it's a neat little garden

All the best Outlander - I get better as I get older - but it's more than jusr a number

hugs - cyber, bear, cuddles whatever - always well sent

Dec

I really like this one - I must use it again

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@Bubbles3wrote:
See im only 32 and i find it hard to forgive anyone right now @Owlunar

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Give it time @Bubbles3 - there is no hurry

But it is for yourself - remember that - I think we would all like the people who have hurt us to pay in some way and I believe they do.

But your are only 32 - I am more than twice your age and have had time to process so much that happened. When I was your age I was exhausted with young children too - these people are more important that those people who hurt you -

But remember - you can only change yourself but I get it - it will take time - you are not ready - and everything is too painful

Dec

Im glad youll still have a good time while your away, dont let anyone take your spirit

might be a good chance to explore and go shopping in hobart if you dont go before hand.

Its hard being kept from family, I just hope that your visit goes well in seeing your family when you can. Sometimes people are more afraid of what might happen then of the person themselves if that makes sense.

I have c-ptsd and its crappy. Im glad you dont expereince that much anymore, im always sorry to hear about your son. It mustve been so so hard for you in all aspects of life and for him too.

Ill add in the pics at the end of this post.

I thought about making my own mini garden too, thats how I found the thread 'self care by growing a garden; - maybe you would like to take a look there? Ori can link it here or tag you there so its easier to find. But its your choice, so whichever your most comfortable with.

I cant see your pic as yet- friday feast is on so its pretty busy- might be abit of a wait for other threads.

@Owlunar

Hi @Former-Member

After a bad night last night I am getting drowsy but let's see if I can do one more post

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@Former-Memberwrote:

Hi Dec

Glad your aunt acknowledged the birthday card

No mention of visiting them - hmm - might need a phone call.

Ah - not ringing my aunt until I am in Hobart - I am likely to say the wrong thing - I will buy a plant when I get then and have a gift to take when I make the phonecall -

Feelings / emotions certainly can come out of nowhere & go all over the place. No wonder you froze "sat and stared. But were you just really tired? Good on you self caring with warm milk and not giving up on sleep 👍

Yes - I was tired - I am one of those people who can sometimes sense bad news - my mother and her mother were the same - something we all shared - we are of Irish descent after all. And it is tiring to feel that way because it is coming from outside me and I know it well - it is a pressage of bad news and no one likes that feeling

I do wish you well for your pending holiday in Hobart.

And thanks - I intend to have a good time in Hobart - I am taking my computer because the hotel has free wi-fi so why not make the most of it

What did you mean "people try and keep partners... alive by keeping other people away" ??

Some people get over-protective about their frail loved-one and my aunt is like this - she has been a wonderful person through the years but she does intend to insist on her own way - this can be difficult - she is allowed to feel so anxious that she feels the need to isolate my uncle but I did speak with my GP about it and it is very unkind and horrible for the person who is ill. And thinking of the scriptures - New Testamant - Jesus said we can't change anything by worrying about it - really good point. I can understand that she is afraid though and I might be accepting and understanding enough to listen to her fears if I had the chance. I can tell she is really suffering but it is not the right thing to do

What did you mean "I found the still-point in my own life overnight and I am okay" ? Was it a 'peace with God?' Trusting, as you say - trusting "that all will work out all right

The still-point - that is actually the place on an analogue clock or watch where all the hands are joined at the same place in the centre. It's a strong place because each hand hardly moves at the centre but it moves around the whole clock face at the outside edges. Yes - the feeling I had was a sense of peace with God at that centre point. God's grace is sufficent but he does not interfer with people's free will so I guess the answer to the prayer is knowing this and that God will try his best to soften a hard heart - but also - his grace is a gift for me - and in such a situation it is for anyone who has to wait and sit and watch. I learned this from my mother's mother. I was lucky to have her - she was very wise. God already knows what will happen and I just have to sit at that powerful still-point and wait and see - hah - easier said than done

Hope your daughter's tests ? surgery are not serious. Thats a concern, especially having lost a child, too much for me.

My daughter might need a hysterectomy - she has been having terrible periods - everyone else as already had one or is younger - I had endometriosis - I had the full deal with mine but they do it differently now - and yes - I lost one too and the one we have left is so much more precious - I understand - maybe I haven't thought enough but also - I haven't mentioned the imflamation in my hip or my sprained ankle to her either

Talk about "waking up woke up bursting" i'm thinking of putting a potty or toot chair in mt room lol Must of been a shock finding yourself "on the floor wondering if I had to set off my Mepacs alarm or go to the loo" Why do we worry so much about 'dignity' at such times?

I don't know how far you are from the loo Lapses - but I am not 100% sure what happened - I still have to get out of bed regardless of how far I have to walk - in the summer I think I drink more water and some mornings I wake up busting - it happens - but yeah - the thought of leaking onto the carpet was a bit too much but then - I really don't like the idea of the ambos getting me up off the floor either but it has happened - I have used the Mepacs alarm and it's so good to know I have it. Dignity - yes - so important. And I was surprised to wake up sitting on the floor

Yes, i think.you should take your computer to Hobart. We might need you too Dec xox

Of course I need to have my computer in Hobart - I can take more luggage travelling business class anyway - but I am thinking of 3 bags being enough to manage but I managed that when I went to Sydney but no computer. I think we need each other right now Lapses

I'm ok'sh, though at my parents, helping dad re mum, under fire from TS etc. And fatigue & cardio vasvular strain has set in this week.

You have a lot happening - blood pressure can be a problem - take it easy and work in short bursts always allowing for your Dad to need you when you need a rest - I guess he won't get it - but remember how you needed energy up your sleeve when you had young kids - and now you are older and tireder and you have had a huge loss - and after my mother died - not a good relationship either - it was really tough

I don't know if the sleeping too much thread was yours or not - but I think you can pour your heart out here - you don't whine - I read that you have a lot of unhappiness but you don't seem to take every event and add it to the pile or whatever I am trying to say - in fact - I really do understand your heart-felt pain - perhaps it is the loss of a child that joins us in spirit but I seem to really understand you and I feel you are reasonable. I understand that maybe as Tawney you feel as if you said too much and that's okay - I hope you find your dates though - I wish I could help but I do remember how hard it was for you when you went to Sydney - what - a year or more back - and your mother gave you such a hard time and those brothers - I really understand that better now.

I am so glad we met here too

And your Mum has been gone 4 weeks - goes fast yeah - mine has been gone over 3 years - gone really fast.

Your sister might think she has power she doesn't have - mine only has the power I let her have - as the eldest I have more legal say that she knows - I just let her do it but what your sister wants if despicable - really bad TS shit - let's give thanks we are not that way - we don't need to anyway - they already have the job, Hearty hah hah

A psychologist will be helpful - mine new one is really great - I hope you find someone really good and yes - I did survive a lot and seeing my therapist is helping me to see I really did survive and even so - I am a better person for it and you are too - you are the best of the bunch with your sibs

Sending my new cyberhugs - I really like this one

Dec

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I love the stickers @outlander

I love my lunar owl - big time - @Zoe7 made it for me

I will never let anyone take my spirit - my mother couldn't take it when I was a child - no one can now

My son - yes - it is sad - it changed my life - thanks for your thoughts

I have to stop now - time for me to have a break - I have been typing here for hours - time does fly

Dec

good to hear @Owlunar its been nice chatting with you again

Hi @Bubbles3 .... I just want to say .... forgiveness is more about you than the other person.

Often the other person doesn’t care, or want, or need you to forgive them, but not forgiving them means that you are still carrying the pain and anger and bitterness of the situation forward with you.

I am not talking about major trauma here. That is in a different category, and requires a lot of support and therapy to get through.

I am talking about the smaller stuff ..... people who have bullied you, or not been there for you, or were just mean in other ways. Sometimes we can’t forgive them so much as we can hope something for them instead .... hope that they can become a better person. That hope can be enough to be able to take them and put them outside your door .... away from you, in your heart and mind.

There are some different activities you can do to help you do this.

One is to write down what you are struggling with on a piece of paper .... then tear it up, or throw it in the bin. It symbolises putting it away from you. You can make a paper boat out of it (simple origami) and watch it float away from you down a river. You can tie it to a helium-filled balloon and watch it float up into the sky as you release it,

Releasing yourself from the pain and anger is what is important here .....

I hope this helps.