Life can be a Pain

Hi @Adge@utopia@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@outlander@Former-Member

My session with my therapist was really intense

The other two therapists I saw recently seemed to give me the idea that I was far to mature to think on what my mother had done to me and my siblings - I went along with it because what they said seemed valid and I am mature

But there was a lot under there - this therapist is giving me space and time to look more deeply and the memories and images are like using a kaleidescope and the images are shifting together and apart in my mind and the memories are becoming more clear

I am amazed I have lived through all of that and seem to have be okay - my life has been different but it has been successful - so much has happened in my lifetime and not all of it bad - just some of it

Curious - my memories have always been there but there were questions I never asked and was never asked - I'm not angry but I know I was betrayed by people I thought cared for me - and I believe they loved me,

I forgave all of that a long time ago - but it left scars that are pretty vivid - but they are just scars

I'm sure it will be okay going through this

The injection - ah - that hurt and it was painful earlier this evening but evenings are always easier. I hope it gets better fast - I have had it long enough and the doctor who did this said it would take two weeks

No way - I heal fast and I am organising my trip to Hobart at the end of the month

I had ants in my bed again today - I had ant bites on my arm this morning and this afternoon when I got back from my therapist I stretch out on the bed and ANTS - I hate them - I have been at their nests again and they are after me - I have no idea what they are after and I think this is WAR ON ANTS

Not really but I will win

Dec

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

That is a really good idea but I am no where near a wheel chair yet - though if I am still umcomfortable I might order crutches if they won't let me take them on the plane - I own a pair I manage really well

Also - I travel business class - it makes travelling with a bad back much easier - even if I have to pay to make travelling easier I pay it - it's worth it

This morning my hip feels better after yesterday - oh - what a day

I have a headache today - and I am seeing my doctor which is good - I have had a really interesting and testing series of events even in this week and I wonder why life cannot be easier - but I never feel like telling everything - it all feels too much

But this stuff about my sister - I had a long session of meditation and prayer this morning and my mind did not want to stay on the subject - my life was going elsewhere away from home and I really didn't think about my sister's life at the time but oi!! - the lights went on eventually and it horrified me - nothing physically or violent or even something anyone can think of easily but subtle and horrid - mind control - I can hardly wait to get back to my therapist about this one

No one needs to send me off on a search without expecting me to find something - I will find something - which will lead to something else and fall short of turning lead into gold but definitely something to set my mind and soul free - what when on was nothing to do with me - it was something else entirely - tell my therapist and write it out of my story - except yes - I can understand my sister better but things have gone on too long and she is not going to want to know cause she knows she's perfect and she - no one is - perfect - but I can let her think she is

I will take any prayers about seeing my rellies - it is some important and so complex - and I don't know if I can even get to see them - all I can do is hard this over and do my best - we can't do any more than that

btw - I am not leaving until the end of February - I will be over it by then - and I am anti-wheelchairs - until the time comes -

Dec

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

I appreciate that and for some people that's a good idea

But I am used to travelling alone and will change my plans if things don't settle down - but being alone a wheel chair won't happen - but the crutches are my old mates - and they both have the same name because I can't tell them apart.

Still they need to rubber stops on the bottoms - so thanks for reminding me

However - travelling business classs is a whole other deal - no waiting in queues - people rush to help you with your baggage and lift it for you - walking gently to the lounge for a free brekkie and rest and read free magazines in a lounge until it's time for the flight - first on the plane and while waiting - complimentary drinks and food and no fuss - no bother. First out of the plane - luggage comes out first - then of course I am on my own but then - I have a taxi card and take the easy way all the way

Please don't worry about me - I have learned to take care of myself because if I did not go alone I would never go anywhere - and while I am away I am not planning much - maybe I will take a cruise on the estuary or a bus up the mountain but mostly I want to see my relatives though I get it if I cannot

Dec

hugs @Owlunar

Hi @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Adge@utopia@outlander@Former-Member

I can hardly believe it - the night before last I went to bed at 11.00 pm and slept 9 hours straight - it's the best night's sleep I have had since my knee surgery - and I woke up feeling like a new person

That was wonderful

Yesterday was busy - I booked my trip to Hobart first thing then I was busy all day and went down to Flight Centre to pay for it - yes - I am going business class Faith - I know it would be impossible for even two people let alone a family - and I am glad you like my style

Because I am staying at a hotel with views - and I have been to Tassie a lot through my life and know there is plenty to do - I hope to see my relatives - my main reason for this trip

This is so exciting.

And my hip isn't hurting and my knee is still stiff but I am walking well - and the weather is fabulous and my next thing is to buy some new clothes - because of my bad knee I haven't done any shopping since las winter

Ants - I have to keep on top of those little critturs - they are still walking up the wall outside my bedroom window but they are going somewhere else - it's very sandy soil here and the ants love it here so the idea is to destroy their nests as soon as I find them - I think I am winning

Working with my therapist seems to be working well - this is certainly worth doing - I have such a different aspect into my sister's life I am sure it will do me as much good as I can get from it but this is for me - not her - I doubt she would listen to me let alone believe me - but yes - let sleeping dogs lie - why does she have to know what I have worked out her life when she was young -

Actually it feels like a pretty good day today

I hope the rest of you are lucky enough to have a really pleasant day here and there - and if you do - I hope you can make it last

Dec

If I see ants here in my kitchen @Owlunar, it means rain , a lot of rain coming

slept 9 hours straight - it's the best night's sleep I have had -- wow @Owlunar , how lovely , it would be nice all the time xxxx

@Owlunarim really glad that things are easing and become better for you. about time too that some things went your way and life become more pleasant for you

i hope you continue being able to sleep, and walk properly with continued therapy sessions that are helpful.

your holiday planned also sounds lovely and i really hope you enjoy yourself