Life can be a Pain

sending you warm tender hugs @Owlunar

Oh @Owlunar, hugzz, I so understand the 'toxic sister' thing (though I'm sure my sis says the same about me lol). It is wicked of them to overlook our sensitive times. But you know, unless I'd been through it I would have tought it no more significant than divorce/marriage dates, or losing a granspatent... but it is so much more.

While I don't remember the dates of my major childhood trauma events, and rape - its similar to recall when triggered, that pain, that deep deep connection to loss and trauma. It changes us, who we are - it mined out my soul. But nothing compares to losing a child, nothing.

I'm sorry your son isn't with you anymore, to visit and grow... As with my girl. Its just not fair. None of my family but her brother rememberes. Although TS mentioned it this year - tagged it at the bottom of an email: "say hello to # when you visit her Sat" So although she doesnt give a hoot about how I feel, she did remember my girls birthday. Oh, might add - she hasn't acknowledged my birthday this last x4 yrs. Its so hard without supportive family.

Yep, my sis & my mum just don't seem to like me. Don't know what they see is so bad about me, but what can I do when I live alone so far away. They see us how they want to. My sis seems more passive aggressive than yours, withdraws into 'silent treatment' witholds any expression of affection.

It would be good to settle matters of your parents estate, but i understand that's another loss reminder, on top of your boy, I get it. Maybe be 'short' with her "can't disguss this now" kinda thing.

I wonder how many people's feelings I ignorantly walked over before I was enlightened to the need for sensitivity and compassion (starting with myself).

How else does one learn this but to go through it? And would we want it for them? I don't know. ...
You take care Dec 💜💜💜

I'm proud of myself today I mended a 4' sideboard, well, its part of a TV cabinet I pulled apart. It's 'stirdy as' now. I want it to stand my large nativity scene display by my front window, with fairy lights etc . Haven't done decorations since she died so a step closer now. 🎄🎉

Sorry about all the typos in my earlier post 😞 so many, but I just went through it - corrected a lot if you want to read again. Hope you're OK, big hug to you & puttytat 💜💜💜

Hi @Former-Member - my friendly spirit bear

Thanks for your understanding and all the balloons and yes - after our lives here have terminated then they may appear differently but I am sure we will recognise them - they are so much part of us

don't worry about your typos - I am used to spelling errors - I did private tutoring after my day job when I was at university as well and was amazed at the spelling but it only takes a little bit to figure out a typo

Yes - toxic sisters really sting - like you I have a divorce date - I rarely think about that - just glad I am divorced - my husband was a morose and lazy man - I see now he was depressed and I could his silence and withdrawal from life impossible to take at the end - and also - I have lost all my grandparents and their dates come and go without my thinking about it. It is different about my parents' deaths - I remember those days but I don't feel torn apart by them - though I did at the time

So I know sweet and precious girl-friend - awaitng the time for your mother to pass is something you have to do atm - and it will be a hard time for you - this I already know - and toward the end of my mother's life I was praying for her to be released - I could hardly bear not seeing her but she was holding onto a very sorry life afraid to leave - I understand why.

You are right - nothing compares to the death of a child - nothing - I have no doubt there are some things that are worse - eg locked in syndrome and burns - but they also lack what the death of a child means - that big part of our future torn away - and no one could prepare me for that - no one could prepare you - life can be so hard when we have to carry the wound of a lost child along with all the future s/he would have been involved with

And you are right - they don't care - and I know my mother and sister didn't like me - perhaps because Dad did - and the truth is - I don't like them - they have both been so cruel toward me yet there is no way we can explain this to them because they have no idea - but I get it - I really identify with you and you are so special to me

Yes - the silent treatment - I have withdrawn from my sister - she went too far last year and I do not trust her - and darn her - she does know my special dates - she has told me the whole thing upsets her - so pretty sure she does hit the sore point in my life on purpose

And I guess these drips and drabs from my parents estate will continue - my sister has been very exact about all of this but sheesh - I could care less but my path has been one of non-argument so that's why I had not looked at either of my mail boxes over the weekend

I don't know what we want for them either Lapses - perhaps they have failed us enough and there is nothing left - remember the story of the Rich Young Ruler who wanted to enter the Kingdom and Heave and asked Jesus who told him to keep the commandments which the rich young man had done - then he was told to give all he had to the poor and he went away sorrowful for he was very rich. Jesus didn't run after him - I see it this way - if people do not want us in their lives we look to Christ's example - we do not chase after them and it is not a question of unforgiveness - it's more like knowing when we have done enough

Lots of hugs Lapses - you are a truly wonderful woman -

Dec

Thanks @utopia

I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and today I had the stitches out and my knee feels better - I had a lot of loose cartilage inside my knee on both sides which is why I was feeling so seasick all the time I was on my feet - I am over that now

I don't talk to my sister - she went to far at the time of my aunt's passing last year - there had to come a time when we have to draw a line in concrete after the way other people behave at times - though I would have my sister in my life if she behaved

Always talking to my sister is like walking through a ring of fire and I am always on my back foot about it - of course she knows the dates - but she may not know that I am so sensitive about them because she herself would be too upset to ever talk about it - I understand you about your sister - mmmmm - something similar with mine and it seems she deliberately wrong-foots me - never gets it that 30 years mean life has changed a lot since whatever happened then happened and there are long periods of life when we have not had anything to do with her

She is a clone of our mother and I never got on with her either but hey - I am sure I am the better person - had I tried to be like them I doubt I would like myself much at all

I have had the stitches out today - my knee was full of loose cartilage and it has been cleaned out - I still have arthritis there but I will not need a knee replacement - I might get through my life without it and this is a highly desirable state

But yeah - for some reason I felt fragile after having the stitches out

Thanks Utopia

Dec

Thanks @Shaz51

You really do know how to get to give the best hugs

Dec

@Owlunar 💜💜💜