Life challenges

So I wanted to share a bit about myself and what I'm facing in life.

I've had health issues throughout my life things like arthritis, scoliosis, heart problems etc. Things that have mostly been able to be treated with medications. But last year I was diagnosed with cancer and it's been a hell of a fight ever since. I've undergone several surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation therapy and things were looking ok. But recently I was told that the cancer had spread and I'm probably not going to make it to see my 50th birthday which for me is less than 3 years away.

I haven't got any support around me and this information has been hard for me to process. Whilst I knew my life was on borrowed time it never really sunk in until I was sat down and told the facts.

As you can imagine with everything I've gone through during my life I suffer from mental health issues and recently that's become alot worse. For me I don't want to get to that point where my body is shutting down.

I don't like not being in control but at the moment everything is out of my control, I'm reliant on medical teams, medications, other people trying to work out what the next step is. I'm unsure whether I want to put my body through more chemo or radiation therapy or whether to just let this ride its course. Even doing it it's only going to buy me a little bit more time so is it really worth it or do I just try to enjoy what time I have left.

Anyway that's a bit of my story and what I'm facing. Thanks for reading.