Don’t want to accept the pain

I find myself wondering why people so obsessed with women’s sexuality. Like why should SA survivors have to feel so guilty for experiencing what they have?

@creative_writer aye, and brown, black, and indigenous folks are STILL copping crap for that to this day. Soooo horrible.

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@creative_writer wrote:
I find myself wondering why people so obsessed with women’s sexuality. Like why should SA survivors have to feel so guilty for experiencing what they have?

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Short answer - colonialism.

Longer answer - unchecked capitalism stemming from archaic colonial values that were focused on controlling women's bodies. Before the advent of paternity tests, marriage was a way for men to 'ensure' the children were 'theirs' so their family legacy didn't pass down to.... a child that they raised but who had different DNA. Basically. Left unchecked these attitudes have resulted in men feeling entitled to women's bodies, and so will perpetuate the rape culture narratives that result in victim-survivors drowning in guilt.

People are so weirdly obsessed hey... women's sexuality, trans people's genitals, black and brown folks' cultural practices... Sigh.

I should probably bid you adieu!! Hope you're travelling ok, and pls remember that for all the haters out there, you got a whole deck of people here who would never blame or shame you for what you've been through 😉

Niiiiight! 💜

@Jynx looking different means being treatment differently. Even without the hijab, my features are still very Eastern. All my relatives are naturally dark haired and brown is the dominant eye colour (with some green and grey eyes in the mix). I feel like colonialism has even influenced how people are treated in some cultures too, the obsession with light skin is yuck. I can’t speak from my experience, but I know some people from my culture are mistreated because they are too dark.

I feel like there is still a bit of a purity culture. Sexual acts outside of marriage is frowned upon. But you can’t really blame people for being SA if it wasn’t their choice. It’s also not fair to treat those who are divorced with contempt just because they are too experienced.

People are often obsessed with the wrong things. Someone’s sexuality is not everyone’s business. Eastern cultures are often criticised because they can be so different to Western. At the end of the day, I feel sexist and terrible people exist in all cultures. I don’t feel like I could ever align fully with either culture as I find oppression in both.

I hope you slept well last night 💖

@creative_writer don't even get me started omg colonialism is the WORST THING to have happened to us as a species.... oof but I cannot get into that rant lol I will end up so angy!

Oh I think there's waaaay more than just a 'bit' of purity culture... like I think it's just more overt in some Middle Eastern cultures, but the fact is, that sexuality is taboo in most places. The fact that a film can be rated M when there's people shooting and killing each other, but showing two humans making love will warrant a rating of MA15+ is just scratching the surface of examples but yeah.... imagine being so repressed as a society that we've decided that sex, the MOST NATURAL THING, the literal only reason any of us are here, is a source of shame.... we are very silly 😅

And yeah like you say, there's oppression no matter where you look, and this idea that any one set of cultural practices are better than others is just sooooo dumb.

Hope your day has been a chill one!!

@Jynx I used to look down upon people who used lightening creams. Then I came to realise that I could not understand their struggles because I’ve never been bullied for being too dark.

There is indeed a lot of stigma around sex. I heard about a case where a Muslim woman experienced sexual violence in war and her family wanted the story to be taken down to preserve the honour of the family. Honour is a big part of it and it is the reason why honour killings sometimes happen. Honour is probably interconnected to taboo of sex. Like my parents would skip kissing scenes in movies 😂. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with watching sex scenes and nudity, my brain can’t take those. To be very honest, I actually learnt that in the past people in the Middle East used to be more open and would ask Islamic related questions more openly (I’m talking able a very long time ago). But then colonisation happened, maybe some of the old Western culture stuff got rubbed off on people.

I don’t think any culture is perfect, despite what other people may say.

My mind is racing. I feel so jittery, maybe overstimulation? I also keep repeatedly checking emails on job progress and I know it’s probably not helping

@creative_writer ugh so messed up that brown folks have to opt for lightening creams, meanwhile you got soooo many white girls out here slappng on so much fake tan they look like a leather bag 😵 The double standards are horrific.

Oh wow even the kissing scenes!! And yeah honestly the worst thing to happen to... pretty much most cultures I think, was white colonialists ☹️ Like literally the most repressed civilisation in the world went out and decided everyone else should be as miserable as them 😒

Oh hun that's rough. I know how hard it is to resist temptation to just mash that refresh button. Distraction is your friend!! Got something to throw yourself into?

@Jynx I feel like at the end of the day, people often want to look like what they don’t. Some may argue certain ethnicities are more attractive and it’s very subjective. I know I certainly have a type, but I think you can say that about anyone else. It does not mean one ethnicity is more attractive to the other, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My parents are conservative so talking about sex is a no. I also have a feeling my dad knows when I’m on my period but he doesn’t say anything. It’s sort of unspoken because periods are also taboo. My friend has said she was on her period straight up to her Lebanese dad, though I think it was awkward for him.

I had dinner and did a head massage. I’m trying to do a five min massage everyday to get the blood flowing. I’m in bed and exhausted now. Sometimes you gotta activate the parasympathetic nervous system. I hope things stay bearable and I don’t end up in a hole

@creative_writer your dad knows? That's a little disconcerting!

Hope you're enjoying some nice horizontalling!! Oooh singing always helps me calming my system!!
Do you have a massage gun or something?

@Jynx actually not really. When I stop praying the five time prayers, he knows I’m on it. It’s pretty obvious. I can still do little supplications and read the Quran, but not the five daily prayers.

I don’t have a massage gun, I use my fingers to massage my head and neck.

My anxiety levels have been wild today, I am trying to release the tension, I feel so sad rn, I don’t know why

Could be an emotional flashback @creative_writer? I had one recently, it was bizarre - ended up getting hit with a very specific kind of melancholy that I hadn't felt since I was a teenager. Nek minnit I'm having attachment trauma flare ups in my relationship... almost like I was behaving like a 13 y.o. again. Bodies are so weird hey.

Hope you are being gentle and kind with your wonderful self. I am off!! Have a restful night hun 💜