Keeping busy to keep from thinking

Hey @reasonisfamily ,

Long time no see. Good to see you!

I can hear you are using distractions in an attempt to cope. Whilst distractions may take your mind off things for a bit, in the long run, it has little effect.

As strange as this sounds, have you ever considered 'leaning in' to these thoughts? That is, noting these thoughts. Recognise where these thoughts and feelings are sitting in your body. Notice the colour, the weight, the texture, the size?

As you do this, you find you are creating space between you and the thought/emotion so that you are more able to manage.

Do you have a therapist you can work with?

I hear how hard it is for you right now. Please know you are not alone.

Hi @reasonisfamily i can very much relate to your struggle with your thoughts. I work so hard to keep myself busy doing various things. I think I originally opted to keeping busy cause it would help with the thoughts… but I soon learnt that keeping busy, keeping my hands occupied, does not stop the noise inside my head… which I was desperate to do. So I still keep busy, keeping my hands busy… it at least stops me from doing what the noise inside my head tells me to do.
I got no solution for the noise inside.

Heya @tyme, great to see you too!

It's been a hectic time on my end. My wife give birth to our beautiful little boy a couple of weeks ago. I'm learning all about the dedication and sacrifice of parenthood. I have a new and deeper love and respect for my amazing wife and admire her resilience. Our son is everything, he's the reason. I love him so much it hurts. I'll live for him and I'd die for him.

The intrusive thoughts and flashbacks feel way too scary to lean in to. I'm scared of leaning in and falling apart. Plus, my mind feels so messy. My family need me to keep it together. My wife's physical recovery is long and painful and our son is so fragile. The mental recovery from the experience of traumatic birth is going to take so much longer for the both of us.

Some of the people around us keep saying to let it go. It's in the past, look forward. I want to and I'm working on it but I don't think people understand that it's still in our present. We're dealing with the effects everyday.

I've linked in with several Perinatal and complex mental health services, including self-referring to the SANE Recovery Groups. Our amazing GP is managing the physical and mental health of our family so thoroughly. She's referred me for telehealth psychology and I'm just waiting to get an appointment. We have chosen family who understand what we're going through and have offered as much support as we need. We are really truely blessed to have our village.

Thank you for the update @reasonisfamily . Truly, seeing a child born is so amazing. Such a miracle. I'm sorry it was a difficult time for you and you continue to carry that.

I know people have told you to 'let go'. At the same time, I think it's important to allow yourself to process what has happened, how you feel and what it brings up for you. I feel that is the way to gain closure. Otherwise, letting it go is about trying to stop thinking about the very thing you are thinking about... and the more you try to not think about it, the more you think about it - so it doesn't make sense.

At this time, maybe it's about counting your blessings and all the things you are grateful for. It is well known that gratitude and depressive thoughts cannot sit together at the same time.

What are things you are grateful for? Starting noting them down. You may surprise yourself. You can even re-read the things you are grateful for each evening.

Please know you are not alone.

hi there @reasonisfamily,I cant speak from experience with regard to your traumatic events. I only know that we humans have a useless ability to catastophise after an event has been resolved so to speak. Why can we humans not find room in our minds for peace and relief. Yes, therapy maybe. Anyway, distraction works for me because it works immediately. Music is my go to. when im walking i never leave home without my headphones (proper headphones,noise cancelling lol). I walk and bop and sing to my tunes. When i get home, listening to an audiobook while im doing what i have to, or reading, or watching tv all help me. My focus is outwards, not inwards. Mindfulness is challenging, but thinking NOW IS GOOD, ALL IS GOOD works immediately. I sincerely hope you find peace in yr mind soon. Breeathe😌

Hi @reasonisfamily , How are you and your family? The little one?

Hey @tyme! We're settling in to a nice flow. I started back at work this week. Little man and his other mum are doing well. The sleep deprivation has caught up and we resemble zombies so the thick brain fog is a ton of fun. Just taking things one moment at a time.

Join the club with all the other parents out there @reasonisfamily .

My sister has 3 kids. She said she hasn't slept in 9 years...