What my mum just told me 😑

Hey @Blackcloud good on you for planning to put yourself out there and join groups. Hopefully the more you go and have these social experiences the more comfortable you'll feel bit by bit.

It is important to be gentle with yourself though, and give changes time and space to happen, which is kinda the opposite of what it sounds like your family is expecting.

Honestly, it sounds like you've already made some really big steps that you should be proud of!

I wonder if it could help to try to focus on just one of the things your mum brought up at a time, like just starting off trying to pay a bit more attention to your body language when you meet someone new, and if you forget sometimes that's fine, it's just about practising I guess. And then when you feel like it's a bit more natural then maybe you can focus on smiling if that feels okay to try...

What do you think?

@Ru-bee @about the last part of the suggestion you mentioned, I don’t think that will work because I tried doing that in the past for a bit but still no one ever tried to come up to me to have a convo even tho i already did my best and my hardest to try and smile a little or something. Not smiling and having closed body language is what I’m very much used to having as part of my daily life unfortunately 🥲 even my family members don’t even seem nor wanting to understand that especially considering the way I present myself on a daily basis is quite frowned upon in any (especially SE Asian culture where this kind of thing is VERY or REALLY frowned upon) culture I guess really

Hey @Blackcloud ,

That sounds so frustrating. I can hear that they just can't HEAR what you are trying to tell them!

With what you shared in your post when your mum spoke to you about opening up to people, did you share what you shared here, with her?

Ach @Blackcloud this one is such a tricky one, I'm always in two minds about it. Effectively you're being asked to mask - as an autistic person, sounds like smiling and displaying particular forms of body language don't feel natural for you?

So on one hand, I hate the idea of you feeling like you have to mask in order to make connections. Because (and this is purely based on my own experiences) masking is, on some level, inauthentic. So the people who respond well to it are people who like the 'fake' me that has been presented to them. If I am unmasked, it filters out all the people who would not actually like the 'real me', and means I can find people who are accepting and understanding of my lil Jynxy Oddball vibes.

On the OTHER hand, because we are so strongly socialised in to behave in a particular way, remaining unmasked might end up leaving you feeling rejected and ostracised if you don't come across other people who can connect to you on that level. Like maybe SOME masking is necessary, merely to at least pave the way for finding people to connect with in the first place (e.g. two of my closest friends are people I met through a third person, who I kinda don't really talk to anymore cos they're not my kinda peep. But without at least forming a small connection with them I wouldn't have found my besties!).

So yeah, only you can make the decision as to whether you want to put effort and energy into learning these ways of behaving. But maybe choose to do it because YOU want to, not because your family are telling you you must!! (Though totally acknowledge how heavy that pressure can feel).

Also... Why is it that we NDs are required to communicate and behave in the same way as NTs, but NTs by and large refuse to make an effort to communicate with us on our level...? Rhetorical question btw, and I'd say the shortest possible answer is 'capitalism' lol

@tyme @I already did.

anyway, you know about the no interest loan thing you and I have talked about on my other post recently? So I got in touch with moneycare and I asked them about the waiting list and they said that so far there’s no waiting list on the salvos NILS and that they will re open next Tuesday.

I also tried getting in contact with good shepherd about applying for this type of loan as well a few times today already but I keep getting cut off by the voice automator on the phone with them saying that all the staff are busy talking with other clients and that I can come back and contact on the next business day, which is frustrating…

now, regarding tbe loan. You have to repay the loan if i understand correctly. Right? If yes, well how much would I need to repay the loan for and when do I pay that until?

Hey @Blackcloud ,

Well done for reaching out to them. These are all good questions to ask them when you see them next week (?).

If there is no wait list, there may be a rigorous application process to see if you are eligible. Did you look into an advanced payment from centrelink?

@tyme @ok but when you applied for the loan did you ever had to repay it (if you’ve been eligible for it)?

and with advanced payments via Centrelink, I’m pretty sure that also involves repaying some of the amount back too at least from what I’ve read and from what I’ve been told too.. 🤔

also, out of topic but do you know anyone personally who has ever applied for delivery driving (door dash, uber eats e.g.) jobs?

Huh @Blackcloud ?

It's a loan. You definitely have to pay it back despite what path you go down.

With advanced payments, just say you get $500 in advance. You then set up a plan and it takes a set amount from your payment each fortnight or so (depends on how you set it). It can be $10, it can be $50...

With other loans, including no interest loans, you will have a set amount you need to pay back on a regular basis.

So yeah, these are questions you can certainly ask when you meet with them. @Blackcloud

It may even be helpful to right some of these questions down and take it with you.