Unknown userMember
Overwhelming thoughts
Trigger warning! Self harm and suicidal thoughts are mentioned.
I really feel like I'm going crazy right now. My thoughts of suicide and urges of self harm are completely taking control over me. It doesn't matter how hard i try to distract myself or what other things I try to do, nothing works.
I'm sick of losing control and self harming, I'm sick of the thoughts almost constantly running through my head. It just plays over and over again as I find myself thinking of all the ways I could just end it all. It's so scary cos I've been down that path before when I lost control and tried to take my own life several times.
I get so frustrated when crisis lines ask me if I have a plan, the answer is always no because I don't run on plans. Every attempt I've made previously wasn't planned, it was a spare of the moment thing when I lost control and didn't realise what I'd done until it was too late.
I don't know how I'm supposed to live like this, is there any way of co existing with these thoughts and urges or am I just a lost cause like the psychologist told me. I just want to make it all stop, I'm sick of my mind constantly racing and I'm sick of having to fight myself every step of the way.
It would be so much easier to just give in, to not have to battle myself every second of everyday. I'm exhausted, sad, frustrated, scared and hurting and I just want to make everything go away.
