Grieving

Hi @Keli

It takes years to recover from the death of a child at any age and suicide is harder to accept - 6 months is half way through the first year which is the worst year - there is no easy way through it

I lost my son to suicide nearly 40 years ago so I know - it does get easier - it takes time and I know how painful it is

Go easy on yourself - there was no way for you to know this would happen and the holidays are the really tough times

I really understand and care

Owlunar 💙

@Keli

Sorry for your loss and subsequent struggles.

@Owlunar2

I can only begin to imagine what you are going through.

I'll just leave this here - Michael Leunig, the cartoonist here in Melbourne, recently passed, and he made the best cartoons:

Hello @Keli I have known people who have lost heir sons to suicide. One on facebook and another, a friend of a friend. Losing a child is considered one of the worst types of losses and no I don't think you just get over it. I think for the most part you just allow your heart and mind to grieve and give yourself time and space to recover in a way that honors how you feel. Theres no right way to get over things you just allow your experience to sit with you and for your heart to process. In time you will eventually move on and it won't be such a difficult thing for you to bear anymore. I do know of a Grief Center in Melbourne that I went to once and I went there and there were beautiful books on grief. I have experienced lots of bereavement but not the loss of a child ❤️ I found the Grief Center a good avenue for me to get compassionate support from people and guide me through my grieving process. It was one of the best decisions I made as I was surrounded by people dying

Hi Keli

I could say I know exactly how you feel. But I don't. I can't. I know my feelings of utter evisceration, anger and sometimes hatred, but I can't possibly know your's. We lost our son 4 years ago, the lead up to his leaving us was brutal enough, we knew what was comin, but it didn't make one tiny jot of difference when the two policemen knocked on our door on that glorious, sunlight filled day with the perfume of spring flowers filling the air.

And here's the trap. The instant replays. The rabbit holes your mind takes you down. They're inescapable. You can never get out of your own mind.

I read It's OK That You're Not OK - Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine. It helped. Megan holds a master's in counseling psychology and speaks of how she would give people like us advice on how to cope with grief and loss. Then one day she suffered a loss of her own and came to realise how worthless her words were up to that point. When she felt her own pain it helped her to understand the 'There, there, it'll all be alright' and the 'I know just how you feel' only made things worse.

Megan's book helped me a lot. I know it's not for everyone and it isn't a magic wand, but neither is talk therapy or throwing down handfuls of calmatives, (it won't let me say Vali Em) and antidepressants.

I feel the grief everyday. it's better some days, not so good on others. My own experience isn't yours, it can't be.

I meet a lot of people in my line of work that have suffered in ways similar to mine, and possibly your's, I try to talk to them and urge them to talk to other's about their pain and grief. It does help.

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain, I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and I have made a few enduring enemies over my long and at times, strange and painful life.

Love the people around you and let them love and comfort you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to go through what you are dealing with right now.

But I'm here to listen, with whatever you want to share. Not sure if it helps in any way, but just know that we are here reading.

Sending thoughts and cuddles 💜

Hello @Keli

I'd like to welcome you to the forums, and to acknowledge how much courage it takes to make a post like this and reach out to a new community.

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. As others have mentioned, 6 months is still very recent and I can't imagine thinking that anyone should be over such a profound loss in such a short amount of time. We're all here for you, I hope that this can be a safe space for you to talk and to feel supported.

I did also want to mention a wonderful support service called Standby which offers free support specifically for those who have had their lives impacted by suicide. You can call them on 1300 727 247 or have a look at their many resources and support packs

@Owlunar2 Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss too. 💕

@Former-MemberThank you. I appreciate your kind words.

Hi @Geejas1957 thank you. I agree we can never know what another person is going through. I am sorry for your loss too and I know all too well how awful it is to have 2 police officers knock on your door and give you the worst possible news. For me, I had just come home from work and was about to have a shower. It was an ordinary Monday. When my youngest came to me and said that 2 police officers were at the door I knew it had to be bad news. They were so compassionate giving that awful news though.

I agree about the rabbit holes and the inability to escape our own minds. I really wish I could.

I will look out for the book you recommended and thank you again for your kind words.

Hi @WizardMotor thank you for your kind words and support. I appreciate it. 💕