@Former-Member @MJG017 @rav3n
Yeah I wrote that post during the time that I started thinking about things last night that then lead me to think that there’s really no light at the end of the tunnel. A lot of it has to do with the fact that whenever I look at my savings account especially during times when I need to keep spending a lot on things that are very costly like e.g. rent (ongoing), treatments, and the overseas trip that I went late last year — all of these cost thousands of dollars, well to specify the rent is $1000 per fortnight exact, and the treatments that I spent within the past few months, including last week were/are all around the $1k range…well for the wisdom teeth removal treatment, if it wasn’t for my health insurance covering the costs for it then I would’ve paid the full amount out of pocket. But even so, the amount that I had to pay for that (even with the health insurance covered) was still worse than I thought. So it seems that even my oral surgeon/specialist likes to rip people off…since he charges $850 per tooth. do you know how crazy that is?!?!?
Last week I just had two teeth from my right side taken out, and I’m gonna be getting the other two teeth on my left side taken out probably next month.
But yeah I was able to tell my psychologist about all of this when I had my session with her this morning, and she suggested that I reach out to my NDIS plan manager or whoever (I think I might reach out to my OT about this) to ask them regarding the Independent Living Options, I guess to see if I’m able to live in an apartment that’s catered towards people that are on the NDIS??? (FYI this was about the rent situation)
What I wasn’t able to tell her about though (because of the timing) is the fact that there’s a valid reason why I still refuse or unable to look for work/maintain employment especially in the long term.
For me, when it comes to being in any place, whether it’s at school and most importantly, when it comes to being at work — I care more about how the coworkers are generally like towards me more than the role of the job itself. Cause to me, having continuous great and meaningful connections with coworkers, them making you feel comfortable and belonged, and having managers that aren’t toxic and don’t constantly criticise you during your rookie days -- all of these things are what I really wish I could get when it comes to being in a workplace. So yeah, this part is one of the main reasons on why I refuse to wanting to look for employment and maintain employment especially in the long term.
Another reason being is of course I still struggle to be able to talk/speak effectively without messing it up everytime I try to verbally speak/say/explain something to somebody mainly because I suffered from selective mutism when I was in childcare until year 6. And still then, I still am unable to make a conversation with someone unless they talk to me first. But when they do talk to me first or try to make a convo with me though, I usually just respond with only a few words without going further than that, since this is what I’ve been used to.
And this is why I know myself that working in customer service jobs isn’t even for me, and NEVER was, never will. However, I really hate how at this stage, it only seems that the only jobs that would easily get me employed right now are the customer service ones (like the retail/franchise customer service).
However, I’ve already suffered too much from the last two jobs I worked at in both 2022 and 2023 — both of those jobs was because the job/employment service provider/s I was with at the time made me work at those jobs, even though I knew that neither of those jobs were suitable for me. The first job I worked at only lasted for more than 2 weeks, then the second job was for 2 days (it was a call centre job for godsakes and I was really happy to find out that I got kicked out from it after just 2 days of working there).
And if you don’t know, very much all (I would say) job service providers basically treat you like a robot/object and they 100% don’t even care about you as a human being, even when you’re disabled as well as having mental health issues.
Thank god I’m on the DSP for almost a year now and don’t need to keep worrying and stressing out over having to still being under job seeking payments again.
And as much as I would kinda like to work as a delivery driver (on an e-bike) for uber eats/doordash (I was looking this up very recently), since with that one you can easily create an account on either of those websites and then get the job right away (I think) after you submit all the correct documentation that they’re looking for. But with that one I’m actually kinda scared to work in that role for…safety reasons.. like what if I’m gonna end up encountering at least one weird customer, and customers that might give me a hard time when I communicate with them and then arrive at their place..
A few weeks ago, I’ve attempted on joining a social group — it was an online social group thats catered towards women of all ages that are on the spectrum, but then moment I joined a social group for the first time, I wasn’t able to get anything out of it.
So yeah, to summarise it all — the reason behind me saying that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel is mainly because I literally have no in real life support system (except for only my psychologist) and yet when I have no one I always have to end up spending money on things that I otherwise wouldn’t be if I were to be with someone I know of. And I feel that things would’ve been better if I do have like close friends that way, just so that I won’t need to spend money (and needing to deduct it from my savings) on things myself than if I were to spend little to nothing on something if I had a close friend otherwise (e.g. I wouldn’t need to call a taxi and pay them for a drive, whereas if you were to go somewhere with your close friend on his/her car, then its all free.. you know? — not that I even pay taxis much at all anyway lol I mainly use public transport)
