Life and trauma

Hi @Former-Member. I was hoping the next time I heard from you, you'd be saying you just spent 24 hours asleep. Don't sell 'still here' too short. When things are really tough, as they certainly have been for you, 'still here' is no small achievement! Just know that i'm around if you want to chat or talk about anything. I take it you're still not getting a lot of rest? Has your heart rate settled down at least? I really hope there's been some progress for you.

I'm okay thanks. I'm just trying to wait out this whole Christmas/New Years thing and looking forward to it all being over. I guess a lot of people struggle with this time of year as well.

@MJG017 i wish I could sleep for that long. I get like 30 minutes- an hour at a time but then I'm waking up having panic attacks. My heart rate is sitting between 120-150. I thought i was OK to vacuum my house today but that was the worst thing I could have done.

@Former-Member I'm so sorry you're still not getting some decent rest. As if that wasn't bad enough, having those panic attacks must be so terrible. Just to rest however you can... like not worrying about vacuuming the house right now. Everything else can wait. Even if you can't sleep, just resting quietly should help a little.

There's so many people that really struggle with being alone this time oy year, so you're definitely not alone in that regard, but I know that doesn't really help very much. I have my partner's family coming over tomorrow where I get to sit there and listen to people talk about their own lives and act like i'm invisible. So there are worst things than being by yourself on Christmas. But it's probably one of those "the grass in greener"kind of things. Any alternative always seems better than the reality.

Just try to break everything down to the very simplest things. Right now, just try to get through today, and tomorrow just try to get through the day. Feel free to reach out here if you need to, i'll try to check in and reply when I can. If I could give you a Christmas present of taking the pain away, I'd post it off right now for you.

@MJG017 unfortunately life doesn't stop just cos I need to rest. There's still things that need to be done and I don't have anyone that can help so it's all on me. I'm trying to just rest, I came home from hospital had a shower and went to bed and then the lounge to watch some movie then back to bed. Today I exhausted myself having to go to the shops and i tried so hard to not have a panic attack in public which I failed so that was pretty embarrassing.

I know Christmas is a hard time for alot of people and in a way I'm glad I'm alone and not having to deal with a whole lot of people. I really do hope your day goes as good as it can and I'll be thinking of you.

I'm trying so hard to just keep going but right now it feels like the world is against me other than the support I'm getting from here. You really are so sweet and thankyou for taking the time to check in and chat to me.

@Former-Member As I keep says, just do the best you can and know that is all anyone could possible ask from you at the moment. I hope the shop you went to aren't as crazy as the ones here in the few days before Christmas. I went down yesterday and it was just insane! There was a guy behind me with 2 items in his hand so I let him in before me. Even the self serve checkouts and the so called express ones had lines of people with full trolleys! I was going to say to him that it's nuts that people leave this stuff to the last minute, but I remembered that I was there in line with half a trolley full! 😁

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Hopefully I get through tomorrow okay and I hope you can do the same. I'll try to find a quiet moment to send you a message tomorrow and say 'hi'. Do you game at all? That has usually been a really good distraction for me when I'm alone.

@MJG017 if I hadn't been in hospital I would have done shopping earlier than the night before Christmas. It was crazy where I go shopping and there was people everywhere and it was even worse that I forgot a couple of things and had to go back out again. So nice if you to let them in front, I often do the same thing.

I don't game as I just don't have the attention span for it or patience. I'd love to hear a hello from you tomorrow if you get the chance.

@Former-Member Ohhh, so annoying that you ended up having to venture in twice! I hope you didn't have to wait in line too long just for those couple of forgotten items.

I will make sure I find a moment to say hi tomorrow.

@MJG017 thankfully the second time was nice and quiet.

I look forward to it.

@Former-Member That was lucky being quiet when you went back. I didnt think they had a quiet period on Christmas Eve.

Are you planning to do anything special tomorrow or just solely trying to get through the day? I remember when I had to spend birthdays alone, i would just do myself a favourite meal or something.

@MJG017 just trying to get through the day to be honest. I just realised that I haven't eaten since Sunday so I've just made myself a little snack. Not sure if I'll actually be able to eat much but I'll try at least.