Life and trauma

@MJG017 I've gotten used to the long replies from you and i don't mind them😂.

You're right about the bit about me not being up to the fight right now, it's just not worth the effort. I'm expected to make me life revolve around theirs. So even if it means missing out on care that I desperately need, it doesn't matter to them. One inspection i had only just got out of hospital and I was expected to have the house ready in 2 days even though I had emailed them a week earlier to say that I needed to reschedule.

It's just that it's so hot in my car with no aircon, it's not a long drive and with the 80-100km I should get some good airflow through even if it is only hot air smacking me in the face 😂.

I could do it tomorrow but today I have the courage to do so, tomorrow I may not. The thing that gets me is the unfamiliar surroundings, like yes I've been there before but it's not my local so it's different people and different layouts.

You can have a laugh at my clumsiness. I was doing my hair and I managed to jab my nail into my forehead. But no it didn't stop there, then I went to push my hair behind my ears and got my nail stuck in my earring 😂. Yeah I'm talented today 😂.

@Former-Member

Anyone here who has dealt with me has gotten used to my long replies. The ones who don't avoid me anyway 🤣

You're absolutely right i that it doesn't matter to them. It should, but that not how the world sometimes works. A lot of the time it's up to us to advocate for ourselves and they know it! They know some people just don't feel comfortable doing it, and some people just wont have it in them at the time, and people can sense that and use it to their advantage. Don't think i suggest these things to you because i'm saying you should do them, because I understand how difficult it is. It's just to give you a different perspective, and maybe some days you may feel more up to a bit of a fight and know that you have every right to if you feel up to it and that you have support if you do decide to.

80-100km?! How slow do you drive? 🤣 When it's this hot, it is just hot air in your face, so without aircon in the car I definitely wouldn't be in a rush to go out either.

I don't know if it helps, but i've always tried to think when I have to go somewhere i'm not familiar with and dont go very often, then if i do make a fool of myself then at least I never have to go back, or at least not until everyone forgets what i look like. It worries me far more with places I know i have to keep going back to.

See, this it why i don't have long nails! My face would be full of scars if i did. The reason is definitely not because i have a bad habit of biting and picking my nails.

@MJG017 it's like reading a novel everytime we chat 😂.

Yeah I know it's up to me to advocate for myself but I have done that so many times before and I've end up hurt because of it. Being that I'm already vulnerable at the moment and anything more on top of what I'm dealing with may just tip me over the edge. So I'm just doing my best to avoid any conflict in an attempt to avoid any more bad things happening to me.

I managed my shopping trip and got what I needed, had a small panic attack but contained it pretty well I think. Anyway I won't have to go back there for probably another 3-6 moths 😂.

I ain't no slow coach but unfortunately we do have speed limits. 100kmh is seriously too slow for my liking, but I haven't got any speeding tickets and I plan to keep it that way 😂.

I broke a nail while I was at the shops so that's one less i can stab myself with 😂. I don't do biting my nails and they seem to grow very quickly, my long pinky one still hasn't broken.

@Former-Member

I feel like I should begin every posts with "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." 🤣

Just avoiding any further conflict sounds like a good plan right now. I guess it's a risk/reward judgment that only you are in a position to make. A that decision is perfectly valid because who knows your situation better than you?

Well done for getting the shopping out of the way. A small panic attack is better than a major one, and you contained it, so double well done! Goodbye to Hallett Cove until later in the year 😂

I tell my partner that the speed limit is just a recommendation, but then i get a look or a smack! 🤣

You know that finger with the broken nail is now NOT the one you'll stab yourself with. You could have 9 broken nails and you'll still stab yourself with the one long nail! That's science and you can't argue with science! 🤣 Well, unless you think the Earth is flat, or the moon landing was fake, or modern music is terrible! 🤣

@MJG017 gah why does bad sh!t keep happening to me? Deep breaths needed, trying to not lose it.

It wasn't a bad shopping trip all up.

Speed limits suck, why can't it just be go as fast as you want, just do it safely 😂.

That one finger that broke is my middle finger, maybe I over used it 😂. You know something annoys me or doesn't work so it gets the finger 😂.

@Former-Member

I take it something has happened. As you say... deep breaths... you know what to do and you have this. I'm around if you need to chat... just keep that finger to yourself if you do 😉

I'm surprised i even still have a middle finger after all these years! I just use it in anticipation that something will annoy me these days 😂 I think my patience has eroded ever so slightly.

@MJG017 you would be right.

Alright I need a distraction. What you got for me?

I threw myself into a cleaning frenzy, did the dishes, did washing, cleaned my kitchen bench and the bathroom. Now I got nothing to do and I need to stay busy. And colouring is out at the moment.

@Former-Member

If you knew where I lived, I have enough things i'm too lazy to do to keep you busy for weeks! 😂

For me it's jumping on the PC and playing some games to get my mind off things. Or watching youtube... of people playing video games. What about taking some interesting photos with you phone? Like some interesting textures or something.

@MJG017 let me at the tasks 😂. I'd much rather clean someone else's house than my own. Fun fact i worked cleaning holiday flats for years and then worked as a cleaner for coles and the local football club/pokies and bar.

Then I'll end up with too many photos on my phone and that annoys me 😂.

I have to get out of here for a bit. Feeling pretty stressed and just not right at the moment. I can feel everything building up inside and I'm trying to find a way to let things out safely, at least to get a bit of relief from this feeling.

Hope you have a good night if I don't get to chat to you again before the day is over.

@MJG017 i went outside and watered my gardens, and of course I sprayed the water in the air and let it rain down on me.

I'm sitting on my bed wanting to colour but I haven't even picked up a pen yet. I haven't done any colouring at all today, not even my diamond art.