Life and trauma

@rav3n I'll try to find the strength to ring up sometime and see if I can change it to another day. Right not i just don't even care about it, it's too much to think about.

I just can't sit still for long so I do a bit then do something else maybe do a bit more then something else again. I bounce from activity to activity.

Sometimes songs with lyrics can be triggering so it's nice just to listen to music with nothing.

phone call sort of stuff tends to give me some anxiety too, sometimes i type up what i need to say on notes before dialling. @Former-Member there's no rush in doing it now, definitely whenever you feel up for it!

ahh yep, makes sense! do you do any outdoor activities - i know you mentioned not feeling too safe leaving your home, so i wonder if you do things in your backyard like gardening, walks, etc?

that's true! i used to always listen to songs with lyrics but recently i came across someone called flawed mangoes and now i love music without lyrics too. i was surprised how emotional a song with no words could be.

@rav3n I've had enough of making phone calls over the last week. So I'm not making any for a while now unless I absolutely have to.

I go outside a little bit but the sun is often too much for me, I'll probably go out more once summer is over. Going for walks is something I used to enjoy when I had my dog but alone I just don't feel safe at all.

Yes music without lyrics can be so powerful. There's a specific song that i love to listen to and for me it's got so much meaning, it's from my childhood and it's just stuck with me through the years and when I hear it, it takes me back to a happy but also sad place.

@rav3n this is way out of my comfort zone doing this, massive fear of being judged on sharing something i like. So please be gentle.

But the song i listen to is called Fable (dream version) by Robert Miles. Picture a young girl in a beautiful sparkly leotard probably 10-11 years old doing an anazing ice skating routine to it. And yes that young girl was me.

@Former-Member totally fair! i know some GPs allow online bookings, but it's annoying more places don't offer it. i know that there are so many others like you or me who hate to call in to schedule/cancel appts.

i hear that, walking alone can be scary. having a dog to protect you sounded really nice though.

i gave the song a listen and pictured exactly what you mentioned. it was beautiful. thank you for sharing this with me, i really appreciate it. so you used to ice skate!? that's amazing!! i've tried a few times and i struggle to not fall. i really love instrumentals like that. i've got a couple songs that i loveee relistening again and again, i'll never get bored. music really is so powerful.

just saw the time!! i gotta head off, good night and take care, chat to you next week 💜

@rav3n my doctors does have the online booking but I won't put my bank details into it so I can't use it anymore.

I did ice skating for 8 years, would have made it to the Olympics if i had of been able to stick with it. I was meant to perform that song for competitions but the coach pulled it from me at last minute to give it to his favourite kid. So I missed out on performing it even though I chose the song and choreographed my own routine.

Hope you have a good night and enjoy your weekend. Thanks for chatting to me ❤️

Hello @MJG017 . How are you going?

Hi @Former-Member. I'm doing okay, finally caught up on sleep, but now seem to be fighting off a bit of a cold! Nothing too bad, just a bit of an annoying cough. Other than that... okay. To be honest, it's a bit of a tough question to answer these days. It's usually them main question everyone I talk to asks me these days. And my first thought when asked is 'how honest do I be?' followed by 'how do i describe this?'

It's not that I dont appreciate people asking or get annoyed by it, so please don't think that, it's just that I honestly don't know how to answer it because it's difficult to know how i'm doing because it changes almost minute to minute. I have to think about the day, run some mental calculations and come up with an average for the day so far. 😁

I was reading the past few posts here since I was last on and I just wanted to suggest that you don't change your Dr appointment. That would be more important than a house inspection and they should work around you, not that other way around. If you have a medical appointment then let them rearrange their schedule. So just send them a text or email and say you have a doctors appointment at that time and need to reschedule the inspection. If you let them know in the next few days, they still have more than a weeks notice until the 3rd so you've done your part.

My partner's niece does competition roller skating and even goes interstate with it. All I know is how important the song choice is when she works on a routine for a competition is and all the choreography that goes with it. So it seems like a real as$#%le move to take the song away from you like that!

I can book my GP appointments online, but i don't have to give them financial details, that's always handled at the end of the appointment with reception.I just have to swipe my card once, and then again to get the medicare rebate. Leaving me out of the gap... which just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I wouldn't trust them with putting my financial details into their booking system either.

Other than all of that going on, how are you doing? Feel free to do that calculations and come up with an average for the day so far. 😁 It feels like it's going to be a warm one today!

Oh, I gave that Fable song a listen like @rav3n did and I could total picture someone skating to it as well. I've never Ice skated but I did used to go roller skating as a kid. Mainly because my mother used to play bingo at a rec centre and they had a rink downstairs so I just got put there. I did become reasonable at it i guess, but just never really perfected stopping. I was told my 'method' wasn't the best one. When I anted to stop i just went straight for the wall and braced for impact! It made perfect sense to me and worked every time!

@MJG017 glad you caught up on sleep but that sucks about the cold, my nose has been sniffly but it's just the weather change hot, cold, hot, it just needs to make up it's mind 😂. Hope you are feeling better soon though.

Sorry i didn't mean to put you on the spot by asking how you are going. You are always welcome to be as honest as you want, sometimes we have good days, sometimes sh!t days, I'm all ears no matter what sort of day you have had. But I'll try to remember not to ask how you are going, would you rather me just say 'I hope you are well'? Then that will leave it open to you if you want to discuss how you are feeling or what's going on.

I can't change my inspection, I've done that previously when I was sick and got screamed at. But yet it's OK for them to cancel on the day once I've done everything and that's happened way more than once. I just have to cancel my doctors and hope that I can get another appointment. I miss being able to book online cos making phone calls is far from easy. I'm lucky that my appointments get written off by Medicare otherwise I wouldn't be able to see my doctor so he makes sure it's all covered.

Oh good on your neice, I used to love going to the roller skating rink when I was a teenager. Yeah I wasn't happy that the coach took my song from me but once again i was frowned upon coming from a low income family (mother). Love the crashing into the wall to stop, makes sense to me 😂. I used to love spraying ice when I would stop, going full speed and then hitting the brakes, made a pretty snow spray 😂.

My day hasn't really started yet, I've been awake since 8am and I haven't moved from my bed. I have to go to Hallett Cove to pick something up but it's so hot out there today. My house is still cool and I haven't had to put the aircon on yet. Not sure how I'm feeling today, I'm a bit all over the place. Thoughts have been a bit intense this morning but I'm trying to keep them at bay, just alot happening at once. But trying to tackle things one minute at a time.

Thanks for listening to the song, it's one happy song from my childhood, despite the fact that it was also tainted.

@Former-Member

Absolutely no need to apologise for anything. I got halfway through writing that bit and heard how it sounded. Like I said, it's not like it annoys me when people ask, it's nice to know people care, but its just a very difficult question to answer. And i dont mean answering someone who asks, it's answering it when I ask myself as well. So I see it as the most 'honest' way i can answer. Plus it's a lot more wordy and long winded, which as we know, is the way I like to answer everything! 🤣

It's perfectly fine to continue to ask, but just don't be surprised if the answer is a paragraph or two. 😁 I think my stock standard answer has always been "i'm fine" or "i'm okay" but I start to wonder now if it's a bit disrespectful to people who ask me and i trust to be genuinely interested in the answer. So if you get the 'wordy' response, take it as a compliment. And generally a sign that i'm in a slightly better head space than if I still just go with "i'm fine". You know how it is, some days it's all it's possible to come up with.

If they're kicking you out, then screw them! Let them know you wont be there when you have you Dr appointment and let them figure it out. What are they going to do? Evict you or raise your rent? They dont really have much power over you other than a reference, if you end up needing one. But I do understand it may just be a fight you're not up to at the moment. I get that, and i've been there. It's perfectly okay to feel that way. There's only so many fights we can take on at once.

That is one of the most painful things. When through no fault of our own, some of our happiest memories can then become painful ones at the same time. It's like even those "happy places" can be taken from us.

At least it's usually a couple of degrees cooler down her along the southern coast that the inner suburbs so every little bit helps 😁 It will be much cooler tomorrow, so maybe the visit can wait to then... assuming where you need to go is open tomorrow.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit all over the place. It's not like your shift at the air-controller tower begins soon. I think it's just the way we cope with so many things going on that we have to deal with, the mind will just not be sure which one to worry about more. As long as we still manage to get important things done then we've done well. And it sounds like you're doing well today so far. It's hot, its cool inside, an most shops at Hallett Cove are open 7 days! Take your time... no ones taking notes. If they were, i'm in trouble! 🤣