Life and trauma

@Former-Member ach you are such a mood hun 🤣

I am heading off for the night!! So I shall bid you adieu. Perhaps catch ya tomorrow? Hope you can get some rest, however you can 🤞💜

@Jynx hope you have a good night.

I shall catch you tomorrow. Rest isn't happening but I've got my colouring so that's keeping me occupied until I'm able to wind down.

Thanks for the chat ❤️.

@Former-Member

Inner strength is maybe one of those things we only notice when we see failures and think we don't have it. Tell me, could someone go through everything you've endured without a lot of strength and resilience? You don't really have to see it, you're still here fighting despite everything you're going through, and have been through. And that shows that strength right there.

If everything was going fine and you felt good and on top of everything... well, that doesn't take strength... that's just life going swimmingly. Put a whole lot of challenges in there and difficulties and being someone who keeps trying even when it all feels too hard and things are becoming overwhelming... that's strength. That is when it is tested. And that is what I see in you. That strength and resilience is never about not struggling, but continuing despite it. It's not about winning every battle, but staying in the war.

Think of it like sailing a boat from one place to another. Anyone can do it easily on a nice calm day with perfect weather. Chuck a storm or two in there, some sharks, a damaged boat and only someone that knows how to survive, gets that boat to safety.

I do get thought that the constant fighting is so exhausting and only bring doubts about how long the fight has to keep going for. That's why its important to get those breaks from it, like you do with your colouring or other things. Or listening to some rando on the internet telling bad and predictable jokes! 😁

That is scary about your reaction to the medication. It must be terrifying to have that happen and the loss of control. But you're not on it anymore so hopefully that will never happen again, and they'll be more careful now when putting you on something.

Who's to tell us what we should be serious about?! Ask @Jynx said, society seems to like telling us what is 'normal'. Well I say go through some of the crap i've had to deal with, and see how serious I need to be. You have to have a laugh to get a break from the tears... or even just the numbness. And it doesn't matter where we find those laughs. If it's laughing in the face of yet another crappy thing put on our doorstep then laughing at it is a damn good way to cope with it. Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine isn't it? I think maturity, like everything else, is about balance. Knowing its time for the right thing and knowing how much of each is most helpful... like fun or playing. Or drawing big chalk arrows on the ground pointing to someone who has parked like a A&%!

@MJG017 I'll reply properly to this in the morning when I can process it all.

For now I'm awake having a panic attack and having some pretty awful withdrawal symptoms from the medication.

Trying so hard to just sleep so I don't have to feel anything.

@Former-Member

No need to reply now, obviously do what you need to do for yourself right now. Those withdrawals from some drugs can be brutal, so look after yourself tonight as best you can.

@MJG017 it's absolutely horrible. I prepared myself for this cos I knew it was coming but it's just hitting me so hard right now. I need to know why I can't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, it's taking so much out of me in every way possible.

There's got to be a silver lining here somewhere, just a little bit of a reprieve?

I'm doing my best, I'm fighting as hard as I can, I'm giving my all to just keep going, I can see that tiny flicker of light but it's just out of my reach. Someone hold that light for me until I can grasp it myself, I'm coming for it.

@Former-Member

I think we all take it in turns to hold that candle for you. Come get it…

@MJG017 @Jynx @Ru-bee @RiverSeal @tyme @avant-garde

Thanks @Oaktree . I've woken up feeling pretty defeated. I'm hiding under my blankets and I don't want to move. Everytime I do move my head spins and I feel sick.

Deep breaths it is, I can do this, I think.

@Former-Member

You are right, you can do this!

Just do one minute ar a time. We are here with you

@Oaktree it was one step forwards and 3 steps backwards. Not off to a great start, I'm exhausted and the simplest of tasks are overwhelming me.

Baby steps, minute by minute.