Life and trauma

@MJG017 I'm sorry that you are going through what you are. And I shouldn't complain about my pathetic problems cos it's nothing compared to what you have to face.

I'm glad you found the strength to fight with yourself and not against yourself. It makes sense to me but I just can't see things like that for myself at the moment.

@Former-Member

One thing i learned early on in my treatments... is you cant compare what you're going through to someone else.

I had 39 sessions of radiation, 1 per day, each day for 2 months. I was feeling a bit down as i had had surgery 2 monrhs prior, and started on ADT the same time as the radiation. ADT is a quarterlyinjection the stops the body producing testosterone. It has all sorts of side effects which arent fun.

It was about half way through the radiation treatments, and this young guy was sitting a couple of metres from me Looking upset. A doctor came out to chat to him. Basically, he had been stuffed around waiting at the hospital. But hw told the Dr that he probably would go home and end his kife sering how he only had a few months left anyway. The only thing stopping him was he wanted to make it another 3 months to see the birth of his first child before he succumbed to his disease. I thought how awedul it is that im sitting here feeling sorry for myself with what this guy was facing.

I thought about it and i realized that what he was going through was truely aweful, but i was going through some bad stuff as well. Making comparisons was pointless. We both had aweful crap to deal with. Just because his was worse, didn't mean I couldn't feel rhecway i did about my own situation. Orherwise no one could ever feel bad about their own problems, because there's akways someone worse off.

No one could ever complain or feel bad for having cancer, because there's kids that have to deal with it! Its a very slupper slope to start thinking that way. Its not about how it compares to others, but how hard youre finding it.

So since overhearing that guy that afternoon, ive never compared my problems to others. I try not to at least. You have thoughts of course. But you know how hard it is to struggle... you see someone struggling and thats what you see. And you support them as best you can and accept support that ithers give you. Some of that support will be from people better off than you and some will be from people worse off.

The support group i run here is a great example. Some people in it are more advanced and in worse positions than me and some have far better outlooks. But none of that matters to any of us... we just support each other. It just doesnt work any other way. Otherwise the group would just be there to support whoever is doing thw worst.

You dont have to see any of this at the moment, it takes time and youre right in the middle of the worst if it. Yiu just have to trust that things will get better, but that you have to sometimes reach some pretty bad lows to see that. You also have to start to give yoursekf a break and learn to be kind to yourself. It takes time and support from people. You have both those things if you want them. You just have to find a way to be kind to yourself first.

@MJG017 you really like to make my brain with with all the reading, you do know that I suck at comprehension so I have to read things a million times before I can get what it said 🤣.

I know how much radiation can take it's toll on your body. Ok so this is a sensitive subject for me and not one i really talk about. My mum went through cancer and had to do both radiation and chemotherapy they first of all weren't going to treat her cos they said she had no survival rate but one doctor stepped in and took the challenge. She is now 20 years in remission, she can never be cleared as she still has the cells but she is still here today cos of that one doctor that took a chance.

It's horrible watching anyone having to go through cancer let alone ones that are so young and should have a whole life ahead of them.

I try to support everyone i can however i can cos I know what it's like to have noone and to be treated like absolute crap.

I'm trying hard to see a way through this but right now I don't even see a future and that scares me cos that's the exact head space I was in those few years ago when everything went to shite. I know I'm not even in the worst of this yet, this is only the beginning and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get through it.

Thank you @MJG017 for sharing. That is so powerful. Hope you @Former-Member @MJG017 are okay.

@tyme far from ok right now.

@Former-Member

Im sorry to hear about yiu mum. It does explain where you get your fight though. Prostate cancer is the same once it escapes the prostate, it will be incurable. So you left relying on ADT to hold it back, and that can work for decades. Or you become resistant to it... sometimes after years, sometimes after months. Then you're really in trouble.

I'll try to keep this post a bit more concise, but concise isnt really my thing 😁

I know you try to support others. Ive seen a few of the posts yiuve sent to people and you do write great replies. All i was saying in my previous small novella was try to use some of the kindness and support yiu give to orhers on yourself. Its okay to feel dmexhausted and even defeated at times, but just try not to beat yourself up. You dont deserven any of this, but you especially dont deserve that!

@MJG017 I'm sorry if I upset you at all.

@Former-Member

No, I'm not upset, i just woke up yesterday to a message on my phone from a member of my group with some terrible news and ended up having a very early night.

It does sadden me though that you hate yourself this way. I'm not sure how you begin to heal until you can start to change this feeling. Ive been in that position and its so damaging to feel that way about ourselves. No good comes from it.

@MJG017 I'm really sorry to hear.