Anxiety is high

it’s very tiring @Jynx

but the problem is I take it personally

I blame myself

it’s like I’m not good enough

you know if he can’t find something it’s my fault

our communication is not great

even more so now since all kids have moved out

I don’t think it’s because he close to me @tyme

I think it’s because he can’t see that he’s made an error

or doesn’t think before he speaks

will say something that does not make sense to me so when I question he says oh dont worry about it. I get that reply all the time. It’s like he doesn’t like to be questioned.
so I then shut down and blame myself. All the negative things come to mind for me to do

Then I feel angry for a few days. Feel resentful and do negative things to myself.

I see that happening @BlueBay . Totally. Sounds like just people who have NO IDEA? It's only too too common in my life.

In a way, I don't think he'll change at this stage. What do you think?

@BlueBay it's sooooo hard not to take things personally. Working on that has been a huge part of my own recovery, and I still struggle with it too!! This book is actually what helped me heaps. Here's an excerpt, idk if it resonates with you or not!

That last part - Nothing other people do is because of you - is the thing I am constantly reminding myself of. When someone lashes out at me, it is because of what is happening in their world, not because I deserve it.

Have you ever considered maybe some relationship counselling or something similar to help you work on your communication skills together?

@Shaz51 I can lol that's my sister 😅 It's a lot, hey!!

No he won’t change now but then what do I do? It’s so frustrating yo the point that when I see my psych I end up crying so much.
@tyme

Live with it? @BlueBay

Tell him?

Set boundaries and walk away?

What do you think?

That’s really hard to do @tyme

I get very scared to talk for fear of a fight

or being told “I don’t get it”

Just say (I'm only saying and not promoting), if you left him, do you think things will improve for you? @BlueBay

If I did @tyme I would be able to do what I want

eat what snd when I want

no anxiety about being intimate etc

no pressure

but at the same time I would be lonely and alone

we’ve been married 38 years and I’ve noticed since kids leaving that there’s more pressure (my mind feel this) for me. (does that make sense).
snd if I did leave - it would all my fault.
our communication is not good. Very basic communication.

this is why I LOVE when I go into hospital for a break or meds change. Because I can just be me. No anticipation to do anything.

he also can’t handle my emotions. Hates when I cry. So now I don’t until he’s out or at work all day.

it gets very exhausting for me.