Getting very, very concerned

Just one other thing....your link to triggers at work can effect your window of tolerance (www.nicabm.com). It's a thing. Worth checking out.

ahh yep i see what you mean, doing things while tired and disinterested does make it harder to enjoy. @Jlol and i'm really sorry to hear that people have said some discouraging things to you in the past - i'm a big believer that art/creative work is very subjective and there's no 'right/wrong' or 'good/bad' art if you're creating it for yourself. if you ever do feel up to doing something creative again or even if you want to share something you've worked on in the past - please feel free to share it here: COME SHARE YOUR PASSION PROJECT - SANE Forums i'd love to see it!

also out of curiosity what sort of creative stuff/hobbies/interests have you had in the past?

i can see that yesterday was a rough one, glad you reached out. work most definitely seems to be the major factor. do you mind me asking, what's stopping you from finding a new one?

Hi @rav3n,

Thanks for replying again.

also out of curiosity what sort of creative stuff/hobbies/interests have you had in the past?

I don't really know, to be honest. I used to repair old cars. I bought a couple of old broken ones for cheap and got them running again. I did that back when I had energy, definitely can't do that now. Now I just don't have the interest anymore. I haven't really done any hobby type things in years, though I've tried often. It's like when I start I get a wave of tiredness.

work most definitely seems to be the major factor. do you mind me asking, what's stopping you from finding a new one?

Yes, work is most definitely a major factor. But its not my job or where I work - in fact my current job and workplace is the best I've had. The issue is more that work dominates life. For 5 out of 7 days I'm doing nothing but working, or commuting to work, or getting ready for work, or winding down from work, or sleeping in preparation for work. Though this is a normal 9-5 job I get extremely burnt out and my work/life balance is terrible. It's been that way for every job I've had.

I feel too that work prevents me from looking after myself. Health appointments, exercise, self-care always come last after work. Because if I didn't work I would not have the money to afford a roof over my heard, pay bills, or have food on the table, which is arguably a lot worse. I've tried reducing my hours, but still can't do it financially.

So, yeah, to answer your question: switching jobs doesn't matter. It's the time/benefit ratio and work life balance thats off. And it's the same with every job.

hey @Jlol repairing old cars sounds like a cool hobby! i can see how this particular hobby might be a bit tiring /hard to get back into. working with cars vs making a bracelet definitely takes different levels of energy and effort to work on. the way i started getting into new things was honestly by sitting on my couch/bed and watching movies/shows. i just didn't have the energy to get up and start something so i'd just sit there and grab a pen and paper to draw something inspired by the show i'd been watching (i'm terrible at art). one time i bought a rubik's cube and watched a youtube video on how to solve it. another time i just spontaneously ordered a cheap beads kit and made a bracelet while rewatching a movie before bed. have you ever considered buying a lego car set (there's a cheaper version at kmart) or even working with clay/playdough, etc. i know it sounds small and silly but it can be a good start to building back energy, sometimes it just takes a slow start. and no one has too see it / judge it (but if you wanted to share here, we'd love to see what you creations you get up to!)

and about the work - like you said, a 9-5 job, 5 days a week doesn't work well for you work-life balance. obviously working less days/hours would be ideal but i do get that with rent, expenses, etc it is hard escape at the moment unless you were considering to make drastic changes like moving to a cheaper place, etc (but with how expensive the cost of living is, i know that's a challenge too). another option is finding a WFH/hybrid job? my friend who works in IT has done a few roles that allowed him to work a day or 2 from home, which meant that the time he spent commuting was now his 'gaming' time. have you been able to talk to your manager about when the extra hours of work will end?

Thanks @rav3n,

Yeah I can try to do that. For me though, it's just an energy thing more than anything else. Just feel like throwing up a lot and/or sleeping. It's hard to explain, but have you ever stayed up late at night watching TV or something and drifted off on the couch? This tiredness is kind of like that but hits around 11am and gradually gets worse over the day. What is interesting, though, is that this doesn't seem to affect my physical energy. I often cycle to work and can do that just fine. It's more like a mental stupor.

I work in IT too, and whilst my work is similar in that it allows me to do 2 days at home I just can't do it. I get nothing done at home, at all. My mind wonders, I get distracted by a million little things. I lack the discipline. Plus, I hate bringing work into the home - I guess that goes to show how toxic I think it is.

the tiredness you described was similar to what i felt while i went through a depressive patch a few years ago. i would wake up, wash my face and i was still tired enough to go back to bed but i guess work sometimes forced me to stay awake. so i think i get what you mean, and i'm really sorry you have to experience that sort of exhaustion on a daily basis.
that's really great you've got physical energy! - perhaps instead of 'creative' hobbies, something physical might be a better fit for you? @Jlol cycling to work is great, maybe adding another physical activity that's more for 'leisure' could help? since the cycling is more for the purpose of getting to work - sometimes the body subconsciously carries stress during physical activities - like if you're walking/cycling to work, you might be carrying a bag and also thinking about getting to a place on time/quickly which can stress the mind/body a lil. but doing it for leisure in your spare time, having nothing to carry around and just thinking about taking a breather, connecting with nature, etc. can help you unwind better. something to think about! and it doesn't have to be too long or vigorous (unless you prefer that), even walking around your house while listening to a podcast or something.

ohh i see, totally understand that WFH can be distracting! and that's fair for not wanting to bring work home - another one of my friend felt same and used to book a private study room at a local library and work there (he also used noise-cancelling headphones), it's usually free and generally quiet. but i can understand if that's not an option either, i know not all libraries have that sort of availability as well.