Getting very, very concerned

Hi @Ru-bee

I think it's stress relating to work and life events.

Its like I can do work, or tackle certain life events, but not both at the same time.

These certain life events are like a full time job. I am constantly taking time off work and working on them on my lunch breaks and into the evening. These life events have been going on for over a year.

The life events are unavoidable - sh*t happens, as they say. But I resent work a lot for not allowing me the flexibility to deal with these life events.

Coupled with this, I have learnt recently that (as stupid as it sounds) the work environment echoes an environment that caused me trauma as a child. Won't go into it, but it's to do with hierarchy and rigidity. According to a therapist I used to see, being exposed to this work environment subconsciously triggers this trauma. But hey! Gotta f**#ing work right?

Thanks @rav3n

I 100% agree with you. My work-life balance is terrible. Nothing I can do about it though - it's a normal 8hr a day job that keeps my head above water.

>do you enjoy working in IT?

I don't know. I enjoy some of it, but that doesn't mean I want to do it so intensely. It's like anything - do it too much and you'll end up hating it. It's like eating the same meal every day for a year - even if it's your favourite food, sooner or later you'll get sick of it.

> do you find the work hard?

No when I'm feeling ok. Yes when I'm so drained I can't think clearly.

Management is fine. In fact, some of the better ones.

> how much longer do you have to do these extra hours for?

I don't know. I do extra hours due to certain life events happening outside of work that I have to deal with. So far these have been going on over a year. There is no indication of any end to this.

>do you work on weekends too?

No I dont, apart from the life-event work. The rest of the time I just sleep or do the household chores I couldn't do during the week. I'm often very sick by the end of the week and need to recharge. I have constant infections and colds due to the stress.

>are there any interests/hobbies you've had in the past?

Not really. As an adult they all disappeared. I used to try and re-engage with them but it just felt frustrating and like more work.

Getting to the end of my tether. Haven't slept it days. Behind on work. Getting angry calls from everyone. Can't handle this crap much longer. No help to turn to.

@Jlol yes I do remember reading you starting to explore that trauma connection in another thread, which I understand adds another layer to the challenges of working.

I'm wondering if you've heard of Safe Space which operates in QLD as a sort of after-hours alternative to the emergency dept for those struggling with their mental health?

Hi

You are brave to reach out and I support you. I know this is a cliche and is often overused, but be kind to yourself. It's ok to leave the dishes and just be whatever you need to be at that moment. Walk around in your undies in this hot weather singing Streisand songs if that's what floats your boat until the storm passes. Distraction works for me, along with sitting outside and looking at the stars and counting them. Crying is free and can trigger hormones to make you feel better. Turn of your phone and say F*#k off to the world for a while. And look for a new job if that is possible. You have employable skills and are smart enough to reach out for help. Something is driving you to still be with us today so focus that with everything you have left in the tank.

ahh yep i see, do you tend to jump around jobs? i have a friend who works in IT too and he does like it but gets bored if he isn't learning something new so once his job starts feeling mundane, he just jumps to a new one.

@Jlol glad to hear that the management team is decent, but it doesn't seem fair that they'd expect you to work extra hours without giving you a timeline for when those extra hours end... is there someone you can discuss this with?

oh gosh feeling constantly sick by the end of the week would defs make it harder to unwind! i've experienced that before too, i reckon the stress can make our immunity weak sometimes. staying warm and drinking lots of warm fluids helped (sometimes i forget to stay hydrate myself in when i'm busy with work).

yeah we definitely don't want your hobbies to feel like work. i think that's a sign to try new things instead, sometimes our old hobbies just don't spark our interest anymore but something new might give us that lil excitement back. like this year i started bracelet-making, i just spontaneously bought beads and started making them, then gave them out to strangers. personally i find making things for others more motivating, i know its not the same for everyone though. what do you think about trying something random and new this weekend? whether that's trying new recipe, making a collage out of newpapers/magazines/photos, painting, collecting various flowers while on a walk, writing a song/rap/rhyme, etc! i know it may sound silly or small, but sometimes those small silly things can recharge our batteries and helps us get through the day a lil easier.

Thanks for the reply @rav3n

That sounds nice, with the bracelets and everything. I don't know what exactly is wrong with me but my tolerance doing activities is very low. What I mean by that is I get frustrated extremely quickly. I might get a minute or 2 before I get really angry and depressed. I don't know why this is.

I think that combined with this is the feeling of constant illness and tiredness.

Is this just normal?

@Jlol do you think the anger/frustration comes from wanting to be perfect or quick with picking up a new skill/completing an activity? or is there perhaps some other reason you think that makes you feel that way?

not sure if i asked you this before but have you done a blood test recently to check things like your hormone and vitamin levels? from what i've heard from my friends, and from my personal experience - sometimes a vitamin deficiency or hormonal imbalance contributes to tiredness and immunity - so if you haven't already, might be worth looking into.

how's the start of this week been for you?

Hi @rav3n

Thanks for checking in.

do you think the anger/frustration comes from wanting to be perfect or quick with picking up a new skill/completing an activity? or is there perhaps some other reason you think that makes you feel that way?

I don't think it's to do with perfection. I'm not sure why I feel that way. If I had to guess one of the reasons is because it all just feels so pointless. Another might be the constant tiredness - like anything, if you're tired trying to force yourself to do something then it makes it tougher and less enjoyable. I think another, slightly lesser but still relevant, reason is that if I do something creative and someone sees it they're likely to react in ways I don't want them too - eg most often nothing at all, or negatively. I never show off what I do, but if someone sees it their responses are never supportive which makes me feel bad and less likely to do them. I'm not doing these things for other people, but still its discouraging.

Yep I get my bloods checked a few times a year - not just for deficiencies, but also infections and diseases. So far nothings come up and my GP just falls back on "stress" being the reason why. He's probably not wrong, but it's not really helpful either.

This week, so far, has been a mixed bag. Yesterday was awful. I called LifeLine twice and walked out on work once [edited by moderator]. This morning has been a little calmer.

Hi Jlol

Glad to hear you are still out there. Well done. Pat yourself on the back for getting through the week. Have you tried having cold showers or ice baths? This will lower your heart rate in times of stress/anxiety and calms the mind. A calm mind helps you work through things better.

Also if you are male there is a website called Mr Perfect which hosts free BBQ's for men across Australia. They have a great website and lots of resources. Still on the male theme Men's Line Australia is brilliant. My friend who sounds very much like you, IT career, personal challenges, and a need for a holiday reached out to Men's Line. He found them very helpful (and he was a Life Line volunteer).