Has a relationship ever held you back?

Hi @Dothemo

I totally understand that fear of being alone when having an anxiety attack - I am grateful for the times my husband has helped me calm down when experiencing them. They are horrible and frightening. But the catch 22 here is that if you are in a abusive relationship this would be "triggering anxiety attacks".

Although frightening if you have lived successfully alone once you can do it again. Nothing is worth being abused. It slowly erases self esteem, self value, mental stability and fervour for life.

There are coping strategies for learning to deal with anxiety attacks. Distraction and not focusing on the symptoms when experiencing such, using breathing techniques and positive thinking to counteract the fear of fear (catastrophe thinking) etc is but a few. Seeing a good psychologist or Counsellor will help you with this.

Also joining a support group for anxiety suffers/mental illness may provide you with the support to be able to ring someone when you are experiencing an attack to support you through it if no one is there with you. Makes it less frightening. Dont let anything or anyone hold you back from healing.

My daughter had a lot of trouble leaving as her partner had total control over her. She needed our help - he nearly destroyed her. She is much better off alone.

Yes I was in a terrible relationship that harmed me and when I finally had a complete breakdown I left. It took years and years to recover. I'm still not 100%. Leaving isn't the answer. It's a solution to part of the problem but one day you'll realise that "the problem" isn't the problem. It's the way you're dealing with it.

Confusing ???

It's taken me all my adult life to realise how needy I've been. A strong independent woman on the outside but also desperate to be loved. I've driven my second marriage into the ground. Now I'm alone and miserable. It's been a very hard lesson to learn BUT I think I finally "get it"

Relationships need alot of work. I had to learn that "it's not all about me" ..

Hi Becky

Lola here, one of the forum moderators.

Welcome to the Sane Forums.

You have shown a lot of strength in coming to the forums sharing your relationship story. Yes, even strong women need support. It’s really important that you connect with people and have a voice that helps you get out what you are feeling. You will find that there is a lot of wisdom and kindness among the forum members here and I am sure you will get some replies soon.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts!

take care

lola

hi @Dothemo.

Definately yes. And it doesn't have to be an abusive relationship either.

I was struggling to think of why I married my first husband. It had been on my mind for a while. I could list what I liked about him and what I didn't but I knew something was missing but I didn't know what it was.

We were driving one day, when he made a comment about a woman walking past. Calling her a "Lesso".

Why do you say that, I asked. "Look at her. You can tell. Short hair. Flat shoes. Overalls."

I turned and said. Look at me. I have short hair. I'm wearing flat shoes. And my overalls are on the line drying. He replied. "If I hadn't married you I would have thought you were a Lesso"

Two nights later at his parents house for dinner... family is watching cricket when his mum starts in on the "Curry Munchers" :Indian Cricket Team)

I decidd that night I couldn't stay with him. It was our values, our morals that were so different. I didn't want to become just like them. And I definately didn't want to have a child and raise it in this family.

So sometimes it's not abuse. It's ignorance. Bigotry. Racism. And just plain not compatible.

@Bridgetjonesit is good to hear that you are managing on your own. I have been in a toxic relaitonship for almost six yeas. Yesterday I got a msg from a woman saying she had been seeing my patner now for almost a year. WOW. That blew my mind. I have completely lost it. Bad enough to be n a toxic relationship but then to find he has been cheating??? How do you cope being on your own. I now realise that I too will have to live alone and it completely terrifies me. Please can you give me some advice. @Teej

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