Has a relationship ever held you back?

I haven't spoken to anyone i know personally apart from my mum for nine days now

And i've pretty much been offline except 'Saneforums'

I put in the effort for years and its not working for a while now

Its nine days and counting

Been out of contact with my past girlfriend since 'September 2009'

I was talking about my friends who aren't really that good for me at the moment

Not that i've left them

Its just that i need time to think

Hi @Dothemo - the answer to your question is yes, in the past long ago. If a relationship is abusive, controlling or one sided (all take no give) - it can be very detrimental to ones mental health. My daughter has broken free of an abusive relationship that nearly cost her dearly - she did improve for a little when breaking free but still chooses to engage in toxic relationships with others (friends included). So no healing will happen until she makes wiser choices in this area of her life and in others.

@Dothemo

As @Former-Member said - the answer is a definite yes. Similar situation to her daughter - nearly cost me my life then and still an issue now. It also has cost me my ability (in the 'real world') to trust, be around other people and share myself with anyone. Years and years of isolation, being alone and doing what I can do to just get by. Patterns of behaviour that are really so entrenched that it is hard to even think about breaking away from them. Self-worth and confidence very low and unable to see how things can change.

Also continue to have a very strained relationship with members of my family and this probably holds me back more now because I see how much harm it is doing me but also what hurt they would feel if I told them exactly how I feel towards them and their behaviour - so really stuck on this one at the moment and is certainly having a major effect on me being able to move forward at all.

For me the answer is

"yes" to relationships holding me back and

"yes" to things being much better when I left.

An attitude in my extended family was to mock the choices of those who were doing it hard .. not always me .. but I did not like it to hear them mocking the choices of others either .. they say it is important to be open to possibilities of love .. but I find it difficult to know how to choose a healthy relationship ..

There are different dynamics though regarding our family of origin and family of creation ...

still I have never regretted leaving both toxic relationships with the opposite sex.

@Dothemo Can't really talk about how it ended - is too much to talk about. Let's just say it haunts me everyday and I didn't really 'get out' as such - it was just that he knew he could never come back - even though I feared for a long, long time that he would. I do wish I had had the courage to end the relationship myself much earlier but I was so controlled by both my love for him and the fear of what he would do next - very conflicting emotions both then, and to a certain extent still now. That one relationship has certainly shaped my whole life since.