ECT Therapy for Wife with BPD and depression - feeling anxious

Hi @Determined

A warm welcome to the sane forums!

I greatly admire your commitment to your wife/ relationship and the level of effort that you are putting into understanding her and what she needs from you

regarding ECT sane actually have a fact sheet available here, i am not sure if you have seen it?

At this moment I cant recall who has had this treatment on the forums but I am wondering what her psychiatrist said about how he/she thought it would help her? and if he/she was going to offer an additional form of psychotherapy?

Hi @Determined

Welcome to the forum!!!

I have been diagnosed with BPD, depression, anxiety and PTSD from childhood abuse 7 yrs ago.

I have done DBT (dialetical behaviour therapy) which is supposed to be very effective for BPD sufferers. For me I am still working through this.

If you can find a therapist/pyschologist who treats BPD with DBT that would be fantastic. Can I ask which state are you in; if you're in Melbourne I can (if the moderators @Fancy_Pants let me) write the clinic I went to for DBT.

I haven't had ECT and it hasn't been mentioned to me ever. But everyone is different.

You sound like a really caring husband who wants the best for his wife and are doing everything possible to get her to be better. I admire you for that. I wish my husband was like that.

Hoping some other members will come on here and chat with you as well.

Take care 🙂

Hi @Fancy_Pants

Thank you for your reply, yes I have seen the fact sheet thank you. I actually found this and the carers forum when looking for information

The main reason for the treatment being recommended is to reduce depression that has seen little response to recent changes in medication and there is a level of risk at the moment around self harm.

I believe that part of our problem is enviornmental and temporary which we are working on separately with the gp. (She was doing so well until about 6 months ago). This is however overall a long term problem and there will always be something cause problems.

I would sincerely like to see treatment delayed by a month or two to see how our changes go, while I can offer an opinion that is not my decision though. (Is that being selfish?)

I also believe that a short respite stay in hospital may be just as effective and reduce the immediate risk around self harm or worse. She did however have 2 weeks out just before Christmas, this gave us a month or so of calm but the businesses of the season and having children home from school was a bit too much.

Re other treatment, she has done some DBT and group classes with some success however when unwell it is all too hard and she 'cant be bothered' (that is the illness talking not my wife). I imagine after this there will be some more DBT while she hopefully has the strength to do something about it.

Thanks again

Hi @Determined

I had ECT treatment after the birth of my first child when I was 19 yrs old. I suffered then from post natal depression. It was not a good experience for me as I suffered as a result chronic anxiety attacks and memory loss. But everyone is different and treatments may be better now.

I am a believer in treating the source of the depression - psychological, emotional and any physical causes" first if possible. Depression can be a combination of ills I have found. ECT would be the last resort for me. Hormone treatment should of been the first port of call in my situation.....I suffered the same when menopausal and opted to do the latter this time round to treat the anxiety/depression and had success with this.

Hi @BlueBay

Thank you for your reply. We are in Queensland and have an excellent psychologist who has had a lot of success in treating BPD with DBT (we are very fortunate to have this opportunity)

Unfortunately the BPD makes my darling oppositional and negative and often everything is just too much of an effort reducing the effectiveness. I don't want to come across as critical here because I cant begin to imagine what it must be like to be inside her head but I cant help but feel that ECT is just an easy way out.

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for your thoughts also
This is in line with how I am feeling at the moment, I think that the ECT is more of a last resort and don't believe that things are that bad yet. (the risks are still outweighing the benefit for me at the moment and things have actually been much worse than they are now) especially as my darling could be doing more to help herself. As mentioned above though, I don't want to judge on that as I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to live with this, its hard enough supporting someone who does. I think overall she is just weary with the constant battle and I cant blame her for that.

We are currently trying some changes with the GP as a seperate issue that I believe may help but the current timeline limits the opportunity to see if these changes will be effective. For this reason I would like to see at least a short delay in the treatment.

When you had your treatment did you have anyone supporting you and how effective were they during and after the treatment? especially with the difficulties that you experienced. Any advice you can give me on what to say/ not to say (understanding that everyone is different). No matter how hard I try after all this timeI still do and say some pretty stupid and unhelpiful things sometimes mostly when I am tired and over it myself. I would really like to avoid that if at all possible

Reservatios aside I am determined to support the decision what ever it is.

Thanks again 🙂

Hi @BlueBay

Thank you for the additional comment,
I certinally did not want to come across as critical or imply my wife was not trying at all, I understand this is a function of the illnes and nothing to do with her desire to get better. Even as I am typing this I am feeling bad about my reservations as we are not having a good day. It is good to hear both sides of peoples experience though as it helps me to understand which of my fears are real and makes it easier to ignore the more irational thoughts. A member on the carers forum was very positive about the treatment for her husband and believed the cost was totally worth it. I just need to take one day at a time and be there for my darling.

Hi @Ali585

Thank you so much, that helps a lot.

Do you mind me asking if you had anyone supporting you and if there was anything that you wished or hoped they could have done better during/ after your treatment?
Anything that you think may help me help my wife?

We often struggle to communicate what she needs from me and I feel bad for even having to ask.
My biggest fault is that I often try to fix things rather than just listen meaning my intentions are misinterpreted. I just want to be the best support I can at this time.

Also regarding the memory loss, was it just around the time of treatmet or does it extend beyond that?
My biggest fear around memory loss is that we have a baby ( 15 months ) and it breaks my heart to think that she may loose cherished memories around this time. Also for our older boys 9 & 11, and how they are going to go if mummy cant remember things that are special to them.
Unfortunatluy I believe that the doctors (for the right reasons I'm sure) play down some of the risk in this area.

Please accept my apologies if my questions are too specific or difficult, I am just a little lost at the moment and trying to get my head around things.

Thanks again .

Hi @Determined

Your welcome. I really feel for the both of you at such a difficult time. And as you have read everyone's experience can be different. But I think the consensus is its a last resort.

It was good to read you are seeking changes in medical opinions - is your wife under a psychiatrist? Has she had an intensive medical to rule out any physical causes? Has she sought counselling for any past trauma or ongoing stress?

Don't feel as if you are being judgmental - you are making an observation and the reality is for sufferers to achieve the best outcome we have to help ourselves - otherwise everything else is a temporary bandaid. But at the same time to offer compassion as it is impossible to understand if we haven't been through it ourselves. I have had to face a few home truths told by my husband in order to fight the really dark times and get through it. Tough love at times is called for in some circumstances. As is compassion. I do relate to how draining it can be though.

It is promising to read that your wife is not as bad as she was - what do you think aided in that improvement?

I did have some support when 19 but mostly I struggled alone then. I don't now, I have a very loving husband (second marriage). The right or wrong things to say depends on the individual situation - reassuring your wife of your love and ongoing support will help, as will helping her to keep positive by reassuring all will be well. And lots of hugs. The power of optimism to heal is scientifically proven and was part of what aided my improvement. Together with addressing physical issues, relentless stressors and grief/past hurts. But don't forget to look after you and to make sure you have a life, otherwise your health may become adversely effected. Seek support for yourself also. Please let us know how everything goes