Not convinced it'll ever get better

Hey @89632523 ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds so exhausting. I recognise how hard it must be to hold onto hope when things are so bleak and dark.

Do you live with your family?

I certainly hear how living from pay cheque to pay check is so challenging and I'm sorry you find you cannot engage in the past times you enjoy.

Do you qualify for NDIS supports?

That's incredibly hard.

What are things that you can do to help your mental health? @89632523

I really don't know. Normally I would distract myself by doing fun things with my partner or family but today I can hardly work up the drive to even move.

Do you think it's just one of those days where it's okay just not to be okay and not make yourself do anything? @89632523

I see the issue if it happens all the time, but if it's just today, maybe it's about being kind to yourself?

Hi @89632523 ,
Thank you for sharing. You write very well. Please excuse the long reply, your words really resonated with me and I had to share this with you.

Congratulations on attaining your Bachelors! It's a magnificent achievement be proud of your hard work and commitment — it is an example of your "resilience".

Yes, I also cringe when it is used to describe an aspect of myself that I can't connect with and do not understand. However, I feel it's a quality inherent in all the members of this forum whether, like yourself, they believe it or not.

I was 3 subjects off my degree when I fell apart - I have regretted this all my life. You have achieved something truely defining. With strength (resilience), belief in yourself and the appropriate support you can complete your post grad, masters... I appreciate your love of art and music too.

I love art, unfortunately I did not develop the belief in my own abilities to feel confident to pursue art. I began to play the flute in year 8 and I found it gave my emotional self a focus and I began to grow scholastically - I feel learning some form of creative expression (Billy Elliot) is so liberating and empowering. A sensitive kid (a blessing and a curse), I have struggled with friendships all my life. I would love to have someone in my life that has known me for almost as long as I have known myself. The nugget in that last line is that I believe I am finally beginning to get to know and accept (love) who I am, the gifts I have been given and what I can do with them in what time I have left to grow, express ad share them. I have neglected to do this all my life.

I have never owned a house. I would love to own a humble home and make it an expression of myself. One day. I try to stay focused on that.

Please understand that you and your life experience is unique to you. The challenges you face and how they impact you are relative to you—no one else. I too am exhausted and experience similar ideations - the first time was over 50 yrs ago.

I can empathise with you. I feel for you. What you are experiencing, how you feel and how it impacts your day-to-day interactions and sense of self. I too felt that at 25.

As @tyme suggested, relaxation/exercise (moving) is the most powerful tool I have learnt to combat these ideations and the times of diminishing sense of self and place.
- Mindfullness/Meditation
- Swimming/Floating and watching the clouds
- Biomimicry and the wonder of nature

I began meditating and practising mindfulness when I was in my early 20's - I can't actually remember but I feel it has always been there. : ) A design lecturer (spot-what-you-got) in my first year of Uni at 25, saw the telltale signs of my challenges and invited me to a 10 day silent meditation retreat. It was beautiful. I had not felt such inner peace before that. While sitting may be difficult there are many alternatives to the lotus position you can explore. Breathing and breath work are key and you do it 24 hrs a day. Look out for groups in you r local community.

Hurtling through time and space, I was in a relationship with a beautiful and understanding partner for 25yrs, with whom we had 3 beautiful and transformative children. My career success was followed by periods of depression, anxiety and unemployment leaving me feeling like I have really only lived half a life in a positive and productive way. It had a significant impact on my finances, relationships and self confidence. I am now unemployed having gone through a very challenging and painful 2-3 yrs. seek to find inner peace and fulfilment.

From a young age I have been diagnosed with over 7 mental health conditions and 5 months ago Borderline Personality Disorder. I now seek support to address the BPD. Through considerable research, I feel I understand the root of what has challenged me all my life. I struggle to ask for help. The shame, the conditioning that I am weak and the weight of a lack of self worth are exhausting.

This is why I am here on this forum.

I am so scared, ashamed and fearful. I have to get through this. For myself and for those that love and care about me - irrespective if I feel that way about myself. Like you said the impact of this on your family would be devastating and lasts a lifetime. My partner lost her father to suicide. Over the last few weeks my ideations, rumination and illness have placed my adult children in very painful and compromising positions. I need to rise above my pain and the shame and seek help and support so I can salvage my relationship with them.

To learn of other peoples experiences and see first hand, the individual expressions of their resilience and courage in fronting up is life changing and greatly appreciated—I actually owe it to them. Having the courage to reach out and share their experiences and ask for support as you are, shows remarkable strength.

Thank you @89632523 for your astounding strength and resilience.

Catch up soon.




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I can totally relate @11235812 .

My life crumbled because of my BPD. Yet when the BPD was 'tackled', then everything sort of fell into place.

For me, I've been studying for a long time, but I feel that I always take a different path. I don't think I've ever complete a course beginning to end the 'straight and normal' way. It always takes different paths.

But like you said, @89632523 has certainly achieved much even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes.

Then again, who do we compare ourselves to?

Thank you for your thoughtful and sincere response. You will have to forgive me for not having the energy to respond properly, but I just want you to know that I have read it a couple of times and I will attempt to take what you have said on board. I appreciate the effort it must have taken to articulate these things.

Hello @89632523,
Thank you!
Your honesty and shared experience was my inspiration.
No pressure or need to respond.

Here if you would like to chat.

Take care

Hello @tyme
That is very encouraging to know. I feel for you.
Congratulations, it must be an amazing feeling to be able to rise above the weight of it.

I hope to have the opportunity to learn more of your process, recovery and growth post BPD.

Thank you both for sharing.

Small steps...

@89632523