There has to be an answer…

Hey @Billy0406, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear how extremely it tough it must be for you and your brother. Sadly, he seems to be another victim of a failing MH system, and has just been dropped in your hands.

I wonder if he was calmer, more stable moments where you could sit down with him and tell him how much you care about him and want to help him, and that you will always be there for him. But that you want to talk to him about finding a way where you can both feel supported. Maybe this way he wont feel like it's all because of him, but that its about working as a team to get support needed for the both of you. He may be a little more receptive.

Maybe you could look at a support group for yourself. Possible one for carers of those with MH issues. Or even a support service for carers. It's important for you to take care of your own well being as you can't support your brother if you're too exhausted yourself. It's just not sustainable without some sort of self-care.

Is there someone at an organisation like Carers NSW (www.carersnsw.org.au) who could help you with the NDIS application. Even a local mental health advocate of some kind. Preferably one specializing in high needs cases like your brother's. It's not something I know a lot about but someone here might be able to provide more information. Even just contacting Carers NSW and asking for their advice on what your next step should be may be helpful. Your brother definitely is in need of an NDIS support worker so seeking help in the application seems like a good place to start.

Some of the crisis services also provide advice for carers as well, so contacting them may also be a good option for you.

Clearly you love your brother and seem to be the one person he has in his life who supports him, which says so much about you as a person. But you do need to care for yourself as well to continue caring for your brother. Maybe setting some time each day or week for yourself. It doesn't have to be much, but just some time to get a bit of respite to recharge.

Lastly, there is also a space here on the forum specifically for friends, families, and carers. https://lifeline.saneforums.org/t5/Friends-families-and-carers/gh-p/friends-families-carers-hub You may find some help there.

wow thank you so much for your supportive words and advice. I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply with such kindness and empathy.

unfortunately all the avenues you’ve suggested for helping my brother have been tried more than once. Everytime we get to the part of taking paper work for NDIS to the local office he has a melt down after a day of positivity and rips them up or stops replying to me and then I get late night calls or texts of him whaling for help and head back to hospital. I’ve seeked support from all avenues and despite the reason he NEEDS the NDIS they won’t allow someone to advocate on his behalf and fill his parts or speak for him without his consent. Some days he will agree to let me do that side of things with written consent and next minute he becomes paranoid I want to take over and leave him with no say in his future. It’s soo hard because him as a person, the real him knows what has to be done but his mental illnesses have become so severe he changes his mind minute by minute.
the system fails our loved ones and the people who love them by not listening to feedback and not addressing the real issues which is helping to prevent the current cycle. Even the head person of mental health in the region has taken the time to speak to me and told me he’s sorry but this will be his life and NDIS may be the only thing we haven’t achieved yet and may help ease some of the hardship for us all.

thank you so much again, I am going to reach out and get some help on how to cope better. Your advice on how to approach uncomfortable conversations with my brother is a great idea and I’ll give it a go

Hi @Billy0406

I really wish I could help - I truly do. I understand - I lived through something similar with my son - it did not end well - so I know your fears

You can't help your brother - it's above your pay-grade. He needs to take some responsibility for himself but with the MH system being what it is - that's worse than impossible

You have done so much already - you need to care for yourself and your toddler first

Seeing as your brother has already driven most people away it will be hard to tell him you need some time for yourself - you really need to though

I commend you for what you have done so far - you have gone above and beyond

It's time for you to take a break - and I know - this is all so hard - so unbelievably hard

My love and understanding

Owlunar

@Billy0406I hope you can get through to your brother as it really is in the best interest for him, and for you and your family. I think @Owlunar2 made some great points in regards to that.

I did have another thought last night. We both know how broken the MH system is and how much of an issue the NDIS can be. I know you've been dealing with all this for so long, you've probably already tried most things, but have you tried writing to your local MP? It's what they're there for and maybe they can help you get some much needed assistance with support for your brother. They're probably the only ones with enough influence tocget a case pushed through. It was just a thought anyway.

Just keep remembering that you are doing everything you can for your brother... everything that can be asked of you. But you slso need to take care of yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. You're no good to your brother if you're struggling too much yourself.