a positive post i had to share

This is something i tried that Ive found was SO helpful.

Just so u have a bit of background and read this post n think easy for her, cause thats me a lot of the time. Have been "diagnosed depending which specialist bi polar, paranoid, major depression,boaderline personality" anyway

Have noticed as I'm getting older my symptons are becoming worse and i guess different to my normal. End of 2013 was involved in a accident, that needed back surgery. I was home stuck in bed with way too much time to think for 4 months. Went from working 50 hrs a week, kids to raise and i was divorced. I Know myself well enough that this could be a real problem for me.Made an effort to read positive blogs etc saw a idea of positive thinking more or less.

A grateful jar, everyday (or when i remembered!) you are to write 5 things that u are grateful for that day. Could be something simple like watering the garden, your pet facebook etc. I was and do struggle with a positive outlook and generally secretly hate my life wasnt exactly what i planned! Had nothing to lose an was struggling with being stuck at home in pain and struggling with the why me.

2014 was up there with 1 of the worst n tuffest, different as it was all out of my control and nothing I could do. Had a yr off work, and wasn't able to go back to my old job as i could no longer do it. I made an effort to start a grateful jar. Found a coffee jar covered it in wrapping paper i found put it in my bedroom where i would notice it,

I often struggled with 5 things and tried to kep my eye out for something! I found things like talking online to a old friend on facebook, my gp who didn't know me before the accident and when i opened up didn't blink an eye and looked after me, I did this on and off all year, dated them and didn't read them or even know how many I'd done.

When i got around to it the other day i tipped them all out and read them. To be completely honest what a slap in the face that was. Things i learnt. I do have friends, i might not have many and not see or chat to anyone regularly but yes i do have friends. My life isn't as bad as i think it is, or as my mi tells me. I found out i liked something didn't even realise i was enjoying/grateful doing. Started to look after the yard. Which was watering the lawn. Couldn't really do much more. As i was very slowly getting better. Over the year i mentioned a dozen times how when i had done it i enjoyed it and it took my mind off things.A couple of times was a stranger walking past with a dog saying hello and making small talk.

2014 sucked but hey i had lots to be grateful for and I'm not as bad as this disease makes me feel. Am keeping the old notes, but have started my new one.

PS i did this before bed and often i found i was going to sleep a bit easier,the crap from that day wasn't the last thing i was thinking of....