Am Not Coping

Just seen your previous image @Owlunar - it is beautiful. I love how you match the colours to @Faith-and-Hope and my favourite colours - whether intentional or not - it is really thoughful

I had a similar conversation last night about pain and comparisons - and I will say to you what I said last night - pain is pain - no-one's is better or worse - it is just different. We all need to 'deal' with our own pain and for some it is a little harder to cope with but that does not diminish the pain someone else feels in any way.

My life may be a complete nightmare at the moment but I am certainly not alone in feeling pain. So I really want to acknowledge to you that your pain matters - as does your kindness and compassion

In some ways I do understand it though @Faith-and-Hope For WH work, being useful, having control over his own destiny was found in his work and his 'successes'. So to have to completely change his 'whole life' and mindset without the same things that kept him going as he was through work is a massive change. Often such a massive 'lifestyle' change brings out all those traits in a person that have been suppressed because they have had to be to accomplish such success in business(and other areas of one's life). So I can see the opposite of what I have kearnt from you about WH presently and would see that the 'old' WH would have been a caring, thoughtful and loving person to be around.

We both seem to have people in our lives who have completely changed through finishing work - but you have seen the negative and I have seen the positive. I do also believe my father would not be still with us if he hadn't given up the business - he would have literally worked himself into an early grave and with very little reward at the end.

It is definitely not going to be an easy road by any means @Faith-and-Hope WH will resist even acknowledging that there are issues and that will most likely make 'life' even harder for you and your baby dragons. I am sure you already feel/know this yourself. But if change does happen and you find a way back to the WH you first met and fell in love with then my hope for you is that it will be worth the pain that you have been enduring for so long and your family can be 'put back together'. Whatever the outcome - you have done everything possible FOR YOUR FAMILY and that is not only admirable but extremely selfless of you Hon

Yes @Zoe7 - our pain is our pain - regardless of its severity - and it is something we have to live with regardless of how we would like to live

It was in the early winter of 1995 when this began - and I certainly did not think ahead to now - which means I have just had the 23rd winter with it - but as life goes on I know I deal with it better

The way I managed everything changed when my mother died and the repressed memories came out - I know the injury to my spine was real and not caused by my mother at all - but after I dealt with the repressed memories - yes - those things or something similar happened - I am an Adult Survivor of Child Abuse - something I can't change and have to accept - and did

Then I found it easier to deal with the pain - except there are times when I could certainly do without it - who wants it? There are times like last Saturday when I had to wait 7 hours for the locum doctor to come and administer an injection I am approved for having - and my spine has yet to settle down - but it's easier today than it was yesterday.

Some people have said really stupid things to me at times - but imagine I have said them - I don't have to like what has happened - I don't have to like the pain - but I consider it's the devil I know and therefore I would rather have this than some of the other things that happen to people

Not only that - seeing as I had my shoulder badly damaged in a car accident two days before my son died I know that emotional pain is far worse than physical pain - physical pain can often be treated or at least eased - emotional pain has no path but through to becoming easier - it can take years - decades - and still bite at certain dates

It is a very gentle thing - and infinitely suffering thing - that my pain matters to you as does my kindness and my compassion. This is so special - if my pain and loss as increased my kindness and compassion all I have been through has been worth it

Thanks so much Zoe

Dec

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I think the positive thing that we can all look upon on here is that whatever we have been through/continue to go through definitely increases our level of care, compassion and empathy for each other. We don't need to necessarily be 'walking in someone else's shoes' to understand the pain one feels as we have seen it ourselves (in whatever form) and recognise that at times it is totally debilitating and at other times just manageable @Owlunar

We often lose so much of ourselves through our pain but find it in small ways when we can empathise with and support others

I am just really happy that I can be here for you to talk @Faith-and-Hope - couldn't have had the same conversation yesterday - still wanted to end it then. There has definitely been a slight change in those thought processes for me this morning - and YES sleep has been the major factor (along with the reduced fever I would say).

It is infact the selflessness of your actions that has you 'branded' as selfish - you 'take on' everyone else's behaviours and emotions but remain stable and loving - that can be seen as 'distant' as you do not react to 'dramas' the way WH (and the kids) expect. That will hopefully be illuminated in the future and they will all come to understand how incredibly brave and strong you have been throughout this Hon