Am Not Coping

Alright...time for bed for me. Thank you for wearing out my brain such that I will probably sleep well tonight. @Zoe7 I hope you have a peaceful night. Even though it might be dark outside your window right now, don't forget that it is always daytime somewhere...and it will be daytime again at your house very soon too. Thank you for making me smile tonight. Good night all.

@Phoenix_Rising You are so welcome. That is the wonderful thing about this place - the support. I have only got through the last few weeks with amazing support from on here. Yesterday I wasn't capable of even looking after myself properly - we do what we can, when we can! And feeling settled is brilliant for you - don't even think about productivity elsewhere - you are being productive here by helping yourself!

You don't need to force the relationship with your therapist - just let it unfold naturally - there is no rush - trust takes time.

It is really cool that we can all look at the same moon (not @utopia 's backside) but the one in the sky. One of my favourite sayings is "We all stand alone in space, but are connected by the same moment in time" - each one of us has our own experience at exactly the same time as others' are having theirs - sometimes they are similar and we can relate, others are completely different but just as important in the context of the world. Yes @utopia I'm going off on another one again!!!

Goodnight @Phoenix_Rising Sleep tight. You are most welcome to join us any time. It has been a pleasure getting to know you a bit more.

@utopia I was going to ask for your help with something today and @Faith-and-Hope if you are able!

I did my safety plan yesterday - think that put me on edge a bit also. I really found it hard to list my warning signs. My GP listed some she could see for me and I was hoping you guys could help me with what you see also. What can you see that happens/changes in our conversations, or the way or context of my posts, when I am starting to struggle?

No pressure to do this but I have the most contact with both of you and I trust what you see and read.

@Zoe7..... it seems to me that an event like a nightmare triggers a panic artack .... and then that panic attack produces a physical / chemical reaction that escalates from there into a spiral of thoughts becoming less and less controlled .... (hoping this isn't triggering btw) .... which was my point in trying to reach you last night with "calm the farm" exercises that address physical reactions .... like an antidote, if you will.

While you are in a better place at the moment, I would really like you to make some of that adult playdough, if you have the ingredients, and if you are prepared to do that .... reason being that it will be on hand in the fridge at the time when you need it, but are nowhere near interested in making it at the time.

If you can scent it with lavender oil, or perfume, or something comforting, it helps to ground your senses through sight, smell and touch. It's the rythmic action of squeezing it in your hand, turning it, squeezing it again, turning it, squeezing it again ... that provides a simple, calming exercise with only a small part of your body when you are fighting waves of fatigue .... it becomes like a vent, a venting action that doesn't require any thought other than to keep doing it, like chewing on gum.

Does that make sense ?

There is a reason playdough calms children down. I always kept a box of it in my fridge while the kids were growing up.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope That actually does help as you are often the one in the middle of the night that helps me after I 'wake' up and I really don't know what happens when I'm still half asleep. I seem to be in a pretty good place so far tonight and that isn't triggering. Actually able to think about this a bit myself. I know that the nightmares have a really profound effect on me and I do react very physically. It's often the smallest of things that trigger me when I am anxious about sleeping, and the more anxious I get - the less likely I am to sleep - and the more likely I am to have nightmares - vicious cycle.

I will have to get some of the ingredients tomorrow for the playdough. I make it at school with the kids so won't take long - I love playing with it too - and will be good to have on hand when I start spiralling downwards.

Anything else you recognise please let me know. The more signs we can see the better I may be able to stop - or at least ease - the slide.