Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

7,841 - 7,850 of 38,645

1...784 785 786...3,865

In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 June 2017, 10:36 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Zoe7 ..... thank you ...... ❣️

It's gorgeous ..... 🤗💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

OwlunarSenior Contributor14 June 2017, 10:53 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

That's really fantastic @Zoe7

We need to be honest with our therapists - it helps us a lot

I found that the therapist is not usually judgmental - I have heard that some are - but I have told the truth and it has proven better than not I think -

Dec

In response to: Am Not Coping

Sans911Senior Contributor14 June 2017, 11:07 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member- just to let you know I am thinking of you. I am sorry to hear you are not so good, and I hope you get some rest.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember14 June 2017, 11:44 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7, hope your apt goes well today. Hope you don't mind me jumping in here on your thread sometimes. Just feel I know you & F&H fairly well, probably because you so open and active here.

@Faith-and-Hope, I don't get some notifications either, its like Christmas when I accidently find a tag I've missed. My only concern is if some might feel ignored and sensitive to appearance of being left out (like me haha), but I do try tend to posts I'm tagged in first. Only recently getting the hang of that. // With your S2 psych visits - don't get your hopes up too high about help with WH
My experience with adult kids in therapy with psychs is - the focus is on the client (S2) and what's came out in bits and pieces over the years since with my son is that I was under the microscope too (both parents) in a negative light (prepare yourself for that sledge hammer). It all depends on what S2 says on the day and I felt betrayed by my son a little and fought hard not to react. Their perceptions of their home life can be very different to what we think were giving them.
Gotta rush off sorry 🌷🌿

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor14 June 2017, 1:26 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Former-Member jump in any time - @Faith-and-Hope and I do tend to chat here most but it is no-one's thread - all threads are open to anyone to post/comment - and you are most welcome to join in (or post for yourself) anytime

Have a look at the Far and Away thread - I posted some sunset photos last night for you and F&H - she didn't get a notification for them so I am presuming you may not have also (I even climbed up the ladder again to take them lol)

In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember14 June 2017, 1:38 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7, kind a know its OK to jump in any time but just need to hear it I guess, and be respectful. // Yes, I went and saw your pictures on F&A thread and 'liked' them. Amazing! You be careful climbing so high, but worth the risk some days. Thanks for that. The sun always cones up the next day - at least that never changes. Accept for clouds, but.... a whole new topic there. Thanks for connecting. You're doing well by the way, slowly coming out of that dark place, proud of you because I know how hard it is. Good support is key to survival I think. Not available all the time so make the most of the doors open to you irl. Hugz 💜💕🌷🌿

In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor14 June 2017, 1:38 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Finally read your post @Faith-and-Hopeand you are not just doing a damn fine job - you are doing an amazing job Everything is crossed here (including Toby's paws) for you that S2 brings up WH's ed in his app tomorrow.

If it does start getting 'out of control' for you the my spare room is available (I'll simply move everything stored in there out onto the footpath lol) - some things are more important Hon

My place would be easy to find if I did that - I'm sure it would make the news lol lol lol

As that is not likely to happen - I'll continue to hold your hand, walk beside you and listen (read) along the way - and pray that you are safe and being held in the light throughout also.

Giving you all the strength and love I have sweetheart...

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor14 June 2017, 1:46 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Thankyou @Former-Member - I am starting to 'find my feet' again - especially on here - which has not been easy to do for quite some time. I do really appreciate yours and others' support - it does help me get through each day

In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 June 2017, 2:29 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

And thank you for your comments to me earlier @Former-Member ......

Yes, the pdoc made it clear S2 is his priority. My concern is that if all this goes south rapidly, he needs to be able to step up to supporting S2, and fast, because we will all be highly vulnerable in that state, and I want him to be aware of the effects of that on S2 ahead of time, and just what he is asking of our family re putting everything out into the table in family counselling.

At this point in time it seems to me
That he has written my claims off as stuff and nonsense, and as such, that support for S2 is not in place as it needs to be ...... what affects the rest of us will affect S2 dramatically.

His first clue ought to be that S2 has been very vague in terms of offering info about our family and relationships.

His second clue is that I have called and claimed my hubby is in denial with an e.d. and major environmental and behaviour control issues - both of which S2 ought to have mentioned if they are in existence and S2 obviously hasn't ...... what is with that ?? I understand, but the pdoc won't unless S2 opens up, and I am hoping that because I mentioned it first, he didn't have to be the one to blow the whistle, and he will now verify what I have said.

I am hoping that S2's take on my parenting isn't a harsh judgement, but I won't know that until it all comes out, and I have to be honest enough to take it if it is vastly different from my perspective ......

I am very concerned that there is no support under WH ..... nor D1, D2, D3 and S1. The youngest three are the most critical, although WH is the most vulnerable of all of us in this situation.

Anyway ..... can only wait and see what happens moving forward, starting with tomorrow. Think I mentioned that no appointments are in place for family or couple counselling yet, so can't start worrying too much about that yet either.

Baby steps.
Breathe.
Walk.
Coffee ..... 😊
Forum friends ...... 🤗💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 June 2017, 2:31 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Love it @Zoe7 ...... knew you'd give me your spare room ..... lol ..... and I love ya for it ..... ❣️

7,841 - 7,850 of 38,645

1...784 785 786...3,865