Am Not Coping

@utopia I leave tomorrow morning for Sydney and come back early Sunday afternoon. My sister is staying at my place as I have never been away from Toby for even one night. I am not sure who is going to fret most - I think it will be me - he really is my security blanket! Cat would have been fine on her own (but being fed of course) but I was definitely worried about Toby going to my parents or sister's and me also not being around - as we know he is never more than a few metres from me (unless we are at the beach lol). Once my sister said she'd stay here I felt I could go away for a few days, otherwise I wouldn't have considered it.

My GP is away until next Monday. I saw her last Wed before she left. I don't see my psych for another 4 weeks. I did manage to get to the clininc yesterday to get some painkillers as I couldn't cope with the pain anymore. They fitted me in quickly between appointments - but it was with a male dr as there were no females working in the afternoon - that was incredibly difficult but I was in so much pain!!!

I don't have a care plan but I did remember to get a printout of my meds to take with me (just in case!).

I am not going to sleep/snooze at all today as I know that will not help with any sleep tonight. I am going to take my meds early (and increase the night dose) to try to get some sleep tonight before I reach that critical point where I don't want to sleep - if I turn all the lights on early then I may avoid the fears of darkness etc. until the meds 'kick in'. It may not work - but worth a try.

I am really pleased to hear that you are going to meditation class tonight - even if you don't participate too much - it is one thing that I know you love and find some peace in doing.

Things sound really tough @Zoe7 - I really can't imagine how you are feeling - but it seems that you are sleep deprived yet your sleep is disturbed and the nights are really hard and long for you

It is worse because we are nearly at the shortest day too - I am guessing - I find it hard too - but not to the degree that you are - I sleep late but fine - so I really care about your

Hi @utopia

I am glad you went to your GROW meeting - anything to keep you from drinking - I understand

Yes - those meetings are highly organised - a certain length of time for thoughts and sharing info and whatever meditations - I forget - and I went for a long time years ago

Keep trying - one thing I remember is that it is easy to build up friendships there if that is what you want to do - I had some good friends there way back in the day - and we could ring each other between meetings - now you can use social media - so much better

Lots of hugs to both of you - here's my new piece of clip art - sharing it around today

Dec

Thanks so much @Owlunar it means so much to me to have the support of everyone here. I have said it before but I think it is worth saying again - even in my darkest times you all shine a little light in my life - and that will never be forgotten

@utopia the plan I did with NikNik won't help me while I am away - everything on it revolves around me being home - Toby, garden etc.- and being able to contact GP. I do still have the forum - that is the only thing on their thsat I can access away from home!

The game is on tomorrow night. I found out last night that 4 of the recently retired players (legends of the club) are also coming to play. This will not mean anything to you but one of those players is my all time favourite and it really was a huge surprise (and delight) to find that out. I will try to post from the game - hopefully I will be ok in the amongst so many people (and the noise) - a bit concerning but will take extra meds just in case my anxiety starts to rise too much.

Hi @utopia

I am glad that you are giving GROW a chance - it worked for me so well - I hope this happens for you as well

One thing I didn't realise at the time but all these years later I have - we all have an influence on whatever group we attach ourselves too - your need and determination to have an alcohol-free life will have an impression on other people - this is a good thing - I just hope you can stick at it - I can't imagine what it is like for you but I know it is not easy

@Zoe7

I am glad that between us we are able to provide a guiding light for you - I guess this light builds up as we use it - it's a pretty wonderful idea - the more we use something the better it gets.

I can't imagine what things are like for you either - with so much trauma in your life - I am thinking of you too

Dec