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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 8:32 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning everyone ..... 😊💕

Hi @Zoe7 ...... 🤗💐💜💕

Hi @Former-Member ....🌷💕

We're a couple of ours behind the ES (Eastern States) over here. I woke up with the rain at 1:30am and dozed back off about 3am .... I think I had fallen asleep fairly early in the evening, andcaught another three hours of sleep just now, but sometimes I am awake like that in the middle of the night.

When that happens and my mind is starting to focus on the negativity in my situation, I go to the kitchen and quietly make a hot drink to take back to bed with me.

Last night I was hungry, but I put an apple on my bedside table now, because it's often when I am drifting off to sleep that I start to feel hungry and that can keep me awake.

If you are not working, then it becomes imperative to keep what I call "scaffolding" in your day. This is the framework of "having a day" that helps to provide the grounding that you need, so you don't feel like you're just drifting aimlessly around in the day.

This will be easier written down:

Wake up - (create an hour's time span ... say .... 7 to 8:00am)

Breakfast - 8 to 9:00am

Lunch - 12 to 1:00pm

Afternoon Snack - 3 to 4:00pm

Dinner - 6 to 7:00pm

Bedtime - 10 to 11:00pm

Now into that framework you need to add a shower, and when to take any meds, along with anything else that happens on a daily or weekly basis. You can make them personal to that day or week and add in dr appointments and any social things you have on.

Then, think about creating social events (if you're up to it) like catching up with someone for coffee or a movie.

Can you add in a daily or twice weekly walk next .... that sort of thing ?

Can you schedule in activities that you might want to try .... or things you might already do like adult colouring in ?

This framework gives you a map to get through your day. If sometimes you come down to an hour by hour struggle, then write down grounding exercises, like finding things in the room that start with the letters of the alphabet, or find the colours of the rainbow.

Write down tv programs to watch, or listening to music for that hour.

You can do this @Former-Member .... help to pick yourself up .... not matter what your success rate is to begin with, it will build like exercise builds your fitness ....

💐🤗

In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 8:47 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you so much @Faith-and-Hope

I remember learning this in hospital, but I never needed it before. My days are pretty aimless at the moment. I might have an appointment, but the rest of the day I just "see how I feel" which is probably not the best way to deal with it all. The only thing I have scheduled is my meds.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 9:02 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Use your meds schedule as your basis for today then @Former-Member .... and add meals and / or snacks in to that, and maybe an activity like colouring in. If you don't particularly feel like doing it (using colouring in as an example) then lay out all the materials as attractively on the table as you can and see if you can entice yourself into it .... with a cuppa while you do, or when you have finished so you get that warm comfortable feeling from the tea associated with the activity too.

🌷💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor23 May 2017, 11:13 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hiya everyone @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51

I finally had a few hours sleep Not really enough but it is a start!

Yesterday I was seriously concerned I would not be able to go on my short holiday and that was adding to my already low mood. I am still worried about going but I it has been the only thing I have looking forward to for a very long time - I need to do this!!!

@Former-Member I am sorry you are finding it tough also - I am thinking of you

@Former-Member let me know if you have a 'window' today to 'chat'!! Thanks...Zoe

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 11:19 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope. I'd never heard of this before. Or maybe it's that I've never seen it written down before. Such a simple way.
You've inspired me to clean off my dining room table and then get some pens and paper and draw up a timetable like that.
I think it will help me enormously. I hope it helps you too @Former-Member. It can be hard when we had a job we loved and then are unemployed. It can be a big part of our identity and how we define ourselves.
That's why it's necessary to find new or old activities that we can try. And be proud of each little achievement that do. Setting up this timetable - will be a great achievement. Celebrate even the smallest of successes & soon enough, big successes will come our way.
I hope your day gets better. And thank you for posting today - as both you and faith-and-hope have inspired me on a flat day.
All the very best. ♥♥

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 11:25 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello @utopia @Faith-and-Hope

I agree this is a great concept so simplistic yet so easily overlooked.

I found that I used to have to be so structured with my job all of the time that when I stopped work due to PTSD, depression, structure was deleted off of any agenda.

i now see that isolating myself also fed this theory.

Hence I am sitting at the keyboard (interestingly enough, in the office at home where I used to work!!) and I should be looking at a timetable and going for a walk.

So on that note I am mentally imagining a timetable and heading off for a walk in a few minutes. Bathroom stop first.

Thank you for sharing xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 11:46 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

For you @Zoe7

and for your amusement

Thinking of you and hoping today is better. 💜🤗💐

In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 11:50 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Yay @Zoe7 ..... you caught the Snooze Train I sent past your window ..... ❣️

Have to work at keeping you on it longer ..... I wouldn't mind being snuggled in amongst warm purry kittens ......

So happy to hear that your trip is still on the cards, and I am looking forward to news of your adventure.

Yay @utopia ..... 😁

Maybe it is that I had five kids under ten yo including twins that I developed household systems ..... or maybe it's just how my brain functions and it naturally extended into my home ..... but I looked at running a house in the same sense as running a business.

I consider laundry like the daily mail .... needs a collection point, a time of day to be "in" ..... operate the washing machine according to a rough timetable across the day (lots of kids meant looootttttsssss of washing) and I covered my clothesline so the laundry "mail" wasn't held up by bad weather. I put a sorting table into the middle of my laundry room (doesn't have to be very big - started with a card table on a back verandah at a previous house, and folded washing in from the line onto the table ..... starting with big non-iron stuff, then underwear, then socks (which I pegged out in pairs when I hung the washing, then ironed what needed ironing straight from the line onto hangers. I put the ironing away as soon as I could, but I landed the kids folded clothes next to their bedroom door at night while they were asleep and put it into their drawers as I woke them up for breakfast in the morning.

Systems.

Their toys were in lock-top boxes and they had to play with them on a small quilt on the floor ..... very easy afterwards to pick up the corners of the quilt between them and me and tip everything back into the box. One box had to be put away before another could be taken out .... like a toy library .....

If you have been corporate business people, then you already think in systems ..... just turn around and look at how you can apply that to your life now ......

Is there a library you can join ? You can usually borrow all sorts of magazines from libraries now ..... craft, fashion, art, collectables, gardening ..... get inspired .....

Look at systems for arranging your clothes in your wardrobe ..... in colours ? Tops all together ? Bottoms all together ? Drssses all together ? What will please your eye and be workable ? Do you have a handbag you really love ? Put it on display in your room. Same with a special pair of shoes .... or a hat ... or a hair accessory .....

Have you put special photos up around your house ? Have you got some favourite books you can leave out on a coffee table or hall stand, just because they please you ?

This is a form of self-care. Boy, I needed that with a vindictive and oppositional mil who used to let the kids tip out all the toy boxes at once when she came to babysit ..... grrrr ....

Back to positive thoughts. My house is so "me" now it is like a signature at the bottom of one of my paintings .....

🤗💐💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 11:57 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member. I was great at time management and being extremely busy and efficient in my old job. I've done a complete 180. And now have no structure at all to my days. So yes, I think this timetable is a good start.
@Zoe7 my wonderful friend. When do you leave for your holiday? I hope you get to see your gp and psych before you go. Don't forget to take a copy of your Care Plan with you. Printit out and take a magnet and stick it on the fridge or ssimilar in your holiday accommodation. You might find that it helps lift your spirits while you are away - as you can mentally tick off a few self care steps that you have done that day.
I slept for 10 hours last night. Was so exhausted after such an emotional day. Would have been good if both groups weren't both held on a Monday.
I'm going to try and go to Meditation class tonight. Even if I just lay on the floor (while others are sitting) - I think I could get some benefit from being in a 'positive' space.
I've done the dishes. Put the towels in the wash. Just about to take morning meds - find it hard to remember those & eat a banana. Then I'll try and draw up a simple schedule.
I might also write up some diversion tactics for when I get the urge to drink (instead of sleeping). Well it's a plan anyway.
I hope you manage to have a doze during the day. You need some more sleep for your body and brain.
Sending you lots of love and strength and some extra energy. ♥♥♥
Be kind to yourself.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor23 May 2017, 11:59 am AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member So that is where Toby is!!!!! hahaha

Today is a little better. Some sleep has helped. Taking it minute by minute and trying not to think. I still don't have any energy but I don't feel as physically sick as I have done - more manageable so far!

How are you doing? - I have been so consumed my my own sh*t that I haven't even asked!

@Faith-and-Hope I need the snooze train more often - and snuggling in amongst warm purry kittens would be so calming and comfortable - not sure Toby would like that though - he does like to be the centre of attention in this house even though Cat rules the house lol

I really need to find the energy to clean up a little today and get things organised for my trip - lists for my sister re: fur babies, printing off travel stuff, packing...etc. So much to do - need to stop thinking about it just now - rest a little longer and do a little at a time later!

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