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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Keep writing @Faith-and-Hope - this has to be a safety valve for you-- I agree @Owlunar xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

hello @Faith-and-Hope

Feeling for you as the effects of controlling, selfish behaviour unfolds and leaves a path of debris.

I have watched this from afar between my exhusband and older son. I tried to get my son away from his grasp only for him to land right back in the quagmire when he didnt get his own way. Playing one parent off against the other so easy for them when both parents have different beliefs in styles of parenting.

It is even harder to watch the effects of illness take over our loved ones when we cannot step in and discuss symptoms, offer suggestions of help, we can only stand back in the shadows, waiting for them to reach out to us and we can then be there for them within safe boundaries.

As you have said to so many, look after you. I have read that you have massages, coffees, your artwork. I mean more than that and I think that you know what I mean without me having to put it into words. We as with others have to live in the now.

Be gentle on yourself Faith and remember you dont have to always be the strongest, you are allowed to step back and let others take over for a while. xxx sending you love xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Former-Member ....

The more outside support that steps up, such as the dr, uni counsellor, and psychologist for S2, the more I can step back .... that is part of the relief .... I have felt like the little girl with her finger in the hole in the dyke ..... now others are starting to arrive with sandbags, but it will still take a while to play itself out .....

WH has come in like a game force with controlling behaviour today. S2 is pushing back, and got landed with an ultimatum .... "you will do this or you will do that .... which one is it going to be ?!" S2 is nearly 22yo .....

I got told that if I was going to object to any of his directives, I was to do it in private .... was that going to be a problem .... yes or no ?! My answer, after a lengthy pause cos he was ready to fire off and making him wait threw him off balance, was to ask why he was levelling directives at an adult ? (both S2 and myself). He took it to mean S2 and said that the dr had given him permission to give directives .... S2 said that no he didn't .... WH turned that into being given permission to provide structure in S2's day ..... S2 countered with - the odd event, which doesn't include levelling directives or filling the day with activity. And then the argument started ....

You can see that S2 is pushing back .... having the dr in his court seems to be empowering him, as does the upcoming appointment with the psychologist .... whew .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

S2 is nearly 22yo .....oh no @Faith-and-Hope, he is an adult and a man in his own right

My 4 step children`s mother is like that but then she drops them , and hubby ( their dad has to pick up the pieces xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I can relate @Shaz51 .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

hello @Faith-and-Hope

Yes I can hear exactly where you are coming from.

WH doesn't realise that he is actually confirming his need for control. Your son is counteracting with... you cant push me into a corner get back over there yourself. WH is reeling and probably lashing out because this is not part of his structured routine.

Yes when reinforcements turn up the fireworks start.

You and your son are quietly gaining ground.

Stay calm and protected away from the firing line as reinforcements continue to build.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Former-Member .... 💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. Thinking of you. Sending love and hugs. ♥♥

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

hello @utopia

I read that you are in hospital.

I hope that you get the rest and care that you need

look after yourself xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Not too bad @Shaz51 ..... busy weekend here .., should keep me out of mischief' away .....

😏
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