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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

DecadianSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:08 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 and @Faith-and-Hope

I seem to be jumping in here but I can't help myself when people start talking about education

You seem to be a great Mum Faith and you seem to have had a great Mum - and with your husband busy running a marathon every day that makes it hard for the kids to get on with their studies atm - but they seem to be very in to it -

And Zoe - it took me 12 years to do a 4 year degree - 2 subjects a year - and people kept telling me it was too much and to stop but I kept going - and so glad - it is something that works for me everyday of my life now

So while you feel you can't go back to work yet - and you will get that money eventually - you might think of doing a short course in some kind of art - I am no artist but I appreciate it - I am more of a writer - but everything we do that enhances our life is a good thing -

Your are having a great conversation here and it's just past 9.00am in Melbourne Faith - and I got up early todayd - I feel better after having had a long sleep

All the best today for both of you

Dec

In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:12 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope thanks for the link - already searched and found it - too quick for you this morning (evening) lol

Looks very interesting. There is one centre set up already not too far from me. Will definitely do a little more research!

You should maybe spend more time on your painting then and less time chatting with me

Got anything exciting planned over the next few days?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:18 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Jump in any time @Decadian

What did you study? I find it really interesting the diversity and knowledge that we all bring to the table in so many different forms - whether it be formal or life 'study' - and the input everyone collectively can have no matter where they have come from or what they have done throughout their lives - that's the Sociologist and researcher in me coming out.

I love art but I also love writing - you would never guess that would you LOL.

Glad you had a good sleep Dec. How is your pain today?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:19 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

It's just gone pumpkin hour @Zoe7, so I will need to go to sleep to be able to get up and paint in the morning .... 🎃

I will try to find a day to take the kids to the zoo before we leave .... it's a favourite place for us, the kids and me ....

I also have a good friend here. We have only caught up once, in between her work and our travelling around, so I one to see her too before we head back to Aus.

Starting the count-down now ...

Goodnight @Zoe7 .... catch you tomorrow / later today.

❤️💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:21 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodnight @Faith-and-Hope Thanks for keeping me company - AGAIN!!!

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:25 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 .... my pleasure ....

Stay cool ❣

❤️💤

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:49 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning @Zoe7. Great to see the interesting chat going on with you and f&h last night & with @Decadian this morning.
I believe there I§ going to be a new arts precinct opening up in Hobart sometime soon. Designs have been passed. It will be a memorial to Tasmanias aboriginal community - past and present. But a big part of it will be art - for all. I've been following it in the news this year. Has me fascinated and I really hope it's a great success.
I didn't sleep much last night. Pain got too much and at 4am I took 2 of my mums strong pain meds. Just about to take another dose. My face is very swollen & I'm not sure if I look scary or funny. So again, I'm not at work today and will miss out on being paid. But that's life.y boy slept in today - so he's gone to school without a shower - phew - so I had to drive him. Only just over a km walk - but too hard with heavy saxophone and school bag.
I hope you get a bit of sleep now. Sometimes it's less scary to sleep when it is light outside.
I'll probably doze off when I take the meds.
So I'll talk to you later. Sending hugs. ♥♥

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

DecadianSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:57 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

I just lost a long essay on my studies - and perhaps I was skiting - but let's say I have spent my whole life at it - annoyed my Prep Teacher by being able to read when I was 5 then telling her I could read music too and the next day took my basic music book in and played the piano for her

She hated it

My Degree is an Honours Degrees in English Literature - but that includes a lot of other subjects - and I had done an Accounting Diploma - and also a year at TAFE to get a teaching certifcate so I have had two professions - accounting and teaching - and they overlap

Whatever we do - it gathers in our mind and enables and empowers us - I encourage young women to study whatever they are interesting in - if it's anything from needle point to astrophysics - neither of which I have studied -

I encourage you to study too - it may not seem easy atm but I have been where you were - in a very bad place - but I can assure you that will not be forever -

All the best with it - it will enhance your life

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

TABSenior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 9:58 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Are you okay @utopia ? yeah was me yest re swollen face ..I havent been keeping up that much, I thought you were working? sorry you dont have to reply to that, well just wondering

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Feb 2017, 10:08 am AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

One of the small community parks in the centre of Hobart is being designed as an Arts based precinct. I know that one of the designs that have been passed by the Council is a memorial to Tasmanian Abnoriginal history. There are so many 'visions' being put forward for parts of the city to be redeveloped - and so much money being spent - it would be nice for something to actually happen and not just talked about.

You poor little Cocky @utopia I still can't believe they didn't give you something for pain at the dentist.

Don't worry about work - just rest up and look after the pain today.

At least you saved money on water without your son having a shower lol

Big hug to you

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