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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I'm hearing you @utopia .... I raised my kids mostly solo while WH was buried in workaholism ..... just kept him informed about how I was parenting, and whinged to him when the kids were at their worst - late teens. We were on the same page, even though I was the totally hands-on parent, and although he didn't understand at times why I handled things the way I did, I could chat to him about the whys and wherefore was, and in doing so I / we sidestepped the controlling and unbalanced nature of the way he was raised.

Now this e.d., which is controlling-nature- personified has taken him careering back, not only into his parents ideas about child-raising - after our children are in fact already raised !!! - but also seeking his mother's opinion over how to "correct" our kids to bring them under his controlling mindset ..... argh !!!

Because these youngest two have been so influenced by WH's illness in this complex "new" form for the last 8 years, they only really know him this way, so they are swinging between pushing back against him, and feeling required to respond to these warped parenting ideas .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

And MIL is acting very self-satisfied along with supporting the worst of the e.d. behaviours ..... 😡

I am so glad you have achieved this small respite. I hope the effects of it last a few days at least. Baby dragons .... ☹️ .... but they do turn into gorgeous young adults .... you will be proud when you see your efforts start to shine out of him when he is a bit older, and he will be sorry for what he is putting you through now.

I have heard it said that their brain soups up line a Ferrari that they don't know how to drive, when under the influence of teenaged hormone cocktails .....

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope. I know he's a teenager and hormonal and all of that.
And as awful as people will think - I don't want him. I don't want the responsibility. I don't want the dogs. I don't want that responsibility.
I'm tired of it all.
I don't even think I love him anymore. All I see when I look or think of him - is all the stuff I have to do for him. And all the stuff I'm failing at. I don't feel like a mother at all. And I think everyone else is and I'm the only one who feels like this. And that just reinforces what a shit mum I am.
I'm tired

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I can hear it. @utopia ..... 💜 💜 💜

And it's not so terrible to be thinking that .... there would be few parents who haven't though it at some stage through their kid's teenaged years ..... you're just being honest ..... and yeah, it really sucks doing it on your own ....

Not saying you should go into hospital, but if you did, would it be your mum who took over your son's care while you were away ? And who would take the dogs ?

Can you be open with them and tell them that you need s respite break that badly .... and without support you might end up in hospital, and then they would be landed with that outcome anyway ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope. My son won't go. He refuse. The only reason he went today was because I screamed at him to get out. <br>I'm just sick of arguing. Everything has to be asked 100 times - until in the end I scream. <br>I speak to my psychiatrist Tuesday night. But to say you don't want your kid. That's when child services get involved. <br>Don't worry. Nothing is going to fix this. I'm going to bed. Night.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You can say it to us here @utopia .,,, As much as you want .., they are terrible at this age, no matter what anybody says, and it's just a matter of surviving it ...,

I hope you've got a set of earbuds and music on your phone .....

Hugs Hon, and I hope you manage some decent sleep ..,

💜 💙 ❤️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am going to be sitting right beside you all night tonight @utopia - even if you can't feel me with you I will still be there. Sending you all my love and wrapping you tightly in my arms...

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7, wonder if you're still awake. I've been doing LOTS of sleeping over past few days. Just woken up again not long ago. Will get back to it soon. But just floating here for a bit first.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Mazarita yep - still awake - don't want to sleep

Float here for as long as you like - or need to. I'll probably be up until the sun comes up again!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7, having some weird, disturbing dreams here too with my oversleeping, but meds seem to be keeping them kind of distant and not too troublesome when I wake. It must be so frustrating to you to keep having ones that keep you awake. Hugs.

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