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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7. The health care plan went well. Just need to follow up with the optometrist (been meaning to get new glasses for years) , and the tests the neurologist wants - including thyroid and arthritis. No pain - but my fingers are turning and getting knobbly.
I'll have a short sleep now - only 3 hrs or so of broken sleep last night. Then I'll try my new bed time routine tonight. So you shouldn't see me on here at all hours. Lol. That's the plan.
Yep to the 'no shite'. We have the same outcome but different struggles with sleep. You find it hard to fall asleep. I could sleep all day and night. But it really brings on the depression.
I hope you are able to sort everything out in your head. You have support if you need it. Use what you need, when you need it.
The headaches still around. I'm guessing that's not from the concussion.
It seems your headaches affect your ability to think and sleep. Which causes extra anxiety. Which raises your blood pressure. Which increases your headache. That's another seriously bad cycle.
I do wish the 'outside world' would understand how hard it is to simply get up and dressed. Forget about exercise and walking animals or doing other things. Yes, we can only do what we can do, when we can do it. And that's good enough for now.
Self care today for you. Hugs as always. Will catch up later.
♥♥♥♥

In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello @Zoe7

I saw you got a little extra sleep last night, I hope your headache eases soon, it sounds really hard dealing with that on top of everything else right now, hard to think clearly and get things done if you feel really quite crappy in general.

I have not been to England or Ireland so let's do that, I love a pub meal and a beer, yummy. Also France seems quite dangerous atm anyway.

I am currently doing my Masters in Counselling with a year and a half to go, I start placement in August which I am looking forward to getting some face to face practice and having some ongoing clients, not sure where that will be yet still waiting to find out 🙂

I'll be around for Friday Feast tonight and thinking a pub meal might do the trick, I am stuck to the couch Elsie won't get off my lap, she literally will not budge LOL.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Heading out for a pub meal tonight over here .... 😏

@Former-Member @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Former-Member you will love England and Ireland then if you love a pub meal

They were some of the happiest times I have had in my life. I actually came back and did my teaching degree so I could go back to teach but as you know - things happen - and that never eventuated - life may have been a lot different for me if I had gone back!!!!!

I was going to start a graduate degree this year (won't say what in just yet - because may still do it down the track) - and Tassie is a small place... and yet again - circumstances made that impossible...

I am certainly looking at other options in regards to work - both alongside teaching and in other fields. I am really concerned that I won't be able to deal with the demands of teaching and it is not a job where you can leave work at work! I do have support from the Principal and HR Manager in whatever I can manage to begin with - and putting a plan in place to help me get back - but that is still a long way down the track.

BTW - you have really confused me this week - being around for Friday Feast is not usual - it is hard enough for me to remember what day it is without you changing the days and times you work lol - not cool Miss Lunar - I am so confused LOL LOL LOL At least Elsie gets to spend some extra time in the Octagonal Room with Cat and Alice (if she dares get off you lap)

@Faith-and-Hope Pub meal for you also - don't drink too much with it! How are you doing today Hon?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia I am going to partake in some Friday Feast Frivolities for a while tonight and then come back to the Octagonal Room and see if you are around for a catch up.

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

I'm good @Zoe7 .... thanks 💕

It's been an okay day today .... raining here, but I got my walk in 😏

Apart from that, I've done fairly little. Went to The Coffee Mall twice with WH today, second time for his 5:00pm lunch .... I had a coffee .... ☕️🍮

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Back to the same routines then with WH @Faith-and-Hope!!!!

How long are you 'away' for? What a whirlwind you are in lol I am pleased it has been an ok day for you though - mine hasn't been too bad either. I finally got to the beach with Toby - my sister called out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go - so nice because I knew I couldn't drive myself!!!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Well .... that has made my day .... hearing that you got to the beach .... 😏

Yes, until he is stopped for some reason, WH's regimen will keep on keeping on .... and there is little point contesting it till then It's set in concrete !!! In saying that he can feel that the kidney stone is still there, although it goes "silent" for periods of time, and has decided against his evening jog .... ✅ ... means he won't eat dinner with us, but whatever .... it is what it is until it changes ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

That is so sweet @Faith-and-Hope It kinda made my day to - has been over 4 weeks since I last went. I am tired now but it was worth it - Toby had fun and is now asleep. He layed in my arms all the way home - wrapped in his little fox blanket to keep warm - he is so adorable

I hope you can at least enjoy your dinner - what are you ordering?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Not sure yet ... just walking over now ...

@Zoe7
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

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Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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