FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

5,281 - 5,290 of 38,645

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @utopia That sounds scary & horrible. I'mglad that you were left alone safe.

I've had fleeting moments like that (thankfully they stopped following) - & being chased by strangers in cars (driving) for miles.

Adge

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Adge, what shows do you like on TV? I can watch a bit of 'trash' but don't really watch TV that much at all. More into the computer.

Edit: @utopia, that is a scary story. The likes of which, sadly, a lot of women have experienced in one way or another. Glad you had your wits about you in a big way that day.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Just popping in to drop off some snacks for the party that seems to be developing in the Octagonal Room this afternoon... Enjoy!!!!!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks, @Zoe7. I'm going for some of the fruit and especially the grapes as we speak.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

There's a special bowl of cat food for Alice in her corner also @Mazarita

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7, I can see she's found it already and is looking very pleased. How's it going with you today, Zoe? I hope the after effects of the concussion have subsided.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Mazarita - I actually still have a bit of a headache - it comes and goes more now though rather than being constant. Still a little hazy and tired - that could also be still adjusting to the meds. I have been a bit flat the last few days but haven't got any worse so I see that as a positive - haven't really wanted to interact with anyone much on here so have popped in a couple of times but not stayed for long.

Have you recovered from being sick yourself or still getting there?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7, I think you and I may be feeling a bit similar in some ways. I'm sick today again, this time something with the belly. Some cold symptoms still lingering, like not being able to hear out of one ear. Bit of a patched up puddy tat today. It's good that you recognise when it's helpful or maybe not to be interracting on the forum.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7, sorry for the fast departure, but companion has just suggested we go for a walk and I think it would do me good to do that. So will catch up with you soon. Sending gentle hugs.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia

oooohhhhhh - what a horrible thing to happen- that was quick thinking telling him you had a terrible disease - that should scare people

I have been to St Helens - 1993 actually - our paths nearly crossed - howboutdat!!!! - and it is very remote and lonely on that neck of the woods

I am careful travelling around - as I have done for years - I would not get out of my car and walk in such lonely places - a woman alone is vulnerable - a woman with children is a bit safer because any one watching would be likely to think there has to be a man where there are children

Still - I have seen some wonderful places when I drove all over Victoria - always watching, careful that I never stayed in one place for long - always had a reliable car

Actually I think I grew eyes in the back of my head - I felt like that -

My closest encounter of the most dangerous kind was in a suburban train in broad daylight when a man started to get too friendly - and he asked me where I was getting out - and I told him the station one past mine - and it didn't look suspicious when I collected myself quickly and jumped out of the train just as it was ready to leave.

I ran all the way home - I was so freaked - about 2 miles - taking short cuts across vacant land - wow - I did not feel safe until I was at home

Women should not have to worry about things like this - but we do - just because some men think they have the right - and they don't

I am glad both of us got out of these things safely

Dec

5,281 - 5,290 of 38,645