Am Not Coping

I have been trying to tell my mother for years that I am not always going to be the one to pick up the pieces -especially with my sister. She keeps saying that we have to support her in her 'relationship' and my response has always been the same - it is for her to sort out and my mother is completely enabling her by not telling her that her partner's behaviour is not ok. Then I see the other side - when my sister treats him like he is an 'idiot' and is totally controlling. At times I really feel sorry for him because of the way she speaks to him.

Here's the thing @utopia how can I ever move forward with any kind of 'healthy' relationship with my family when I blame them for so much? and I can't get past that!!

@utopia That's exactly what I have tried to say to my mum over and over again - I do believe that my mum did exactly the same thing with dad - she made excuses and didn't leave him. They are so much alike (mum and sister). There isn't the violence with my sister that there was with my dad but there is the same 'walking on eggshells' feeling around them. The really sad thing is when I spend time alone with her partner we get on really well - and he is so different then.

I have already 'confronted' my dad with what he was like and how it affected me - but any time I have tried to talk to my mother she laughs it off and diverts the conversation. It has just got to the stage over so many years that I haven't bothered trying any more because getting nowhere hurts too much. Now I am stuck in no-man's land - as I don't even think bringing it up anymore will make me feel any better - either way it continues to hurt me.

@utopia I have said NO a few times over the last few months. I am getting better at saying yes but with 'restrictions' also. Tonight when I was talking to her I told her I couldn't deal with that conversation right now and passed her on to my sister - I wouldn't have done that 6 months ago... and even though I was stressed about it I would have been more stressed if I hadn't stopped talking to her.

It does make it harder working in the same school as her - especially as the principal knows what is going on for me (sort of). I trust the principal to keep it all to herself and everything is going through her and my mum doesn't have to see any of the paperwork etc.

I did do well today @utopia - considering how I was feeling at the time I am surprised I didn't throw the phone lol

Yeah @Former-Member he was (and still is) adorable - how could you resist that little smiley face

Need to send a message to my @Former-Member... hey little monster...putting on my 'mother' hat here for a minute...

I know how caring and supportive you are - and I am so proud of you for that... and the forum would not be the same without you - but you need to protect yourself sometimes too little one. I know how hard it is to not step in when someone needs help - but you don't need to worry about anything you say. If someone is upset or 'triggered' by what you say - that is not on you- that is not for you to 'deal with'. You need to be able to talk and not worry about what other people may think. This is a really hard one to deal with when someone is as loving and wonderful as you are - but you cannot 'control' or envisage what is going to 'trigger' someone else -and you certainly cannot expect that you can. So keep being who you are but try not to worry about what effect something you write has on someone else - you need to be able to be YOU.