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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

When the psychiatrist asked if there was any history of MI in my family I had to say no - but I wanted to say I'm sure they're all insane - they just don't know it yet!!!! @utopia

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Lol. So very true. @Zoe7. I diagnose people all the time now. But my family - they're just nuts. Lol

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sorry @Zoe7 @utopia just trying to sort a few things out and just underwater atm will get back to you as soon as i can sorry

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Re: Am Not Coping

Can I tell you what happened late this afternoon @utopia?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Of course @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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I was already feeling a rock bottom and really sick. Had a few painkillers and hoped to sleep. They didn't help so I couldn't sleep. I cam on here and, as usual, there were people around. Then faithand hope accidently posted something that stressed me out (not her fault) as I received a phone call from my sister at exactly the same time. My sister's partner backed his car partially over the edge of the driveway and one wheel was completely hanging over the edge. She was concerned because he wasn't going to get any help to get the car back on 4 wheels. I told her to take her dog for a walk - knowing that her partner would have been in a bad mood. Came back on here to try and find out what exactly was going on (was pretty on edge by this stage) and there was a knock on the door. My sister had walked her dog here.

I was certainly in no mood for a visitor and especially not her in the mood she was in. I did not want to hear all her 'dramas'. While she was here my mum rang her and she also wanted to talk to me. She said that my 'stuff' at school had to be moved from where it was stored as they needed the room. I told her I couldn't deal with that right now and I'd have to get back to her. I do not know what I am going to do with that just yet. Then I got another phone call - this time from my HR Manager. I couldn't really talk to her because my sister was here. While I was on the phone my sister's dog rang into my leg and it really hurt. My sistergot in a mood about it and tried to leave while I was on the phone - so very rude!!!

By the time I logged on here again my heart was beating extrememly fast and I could barely breathe.

@utopia - my sister can't even see how bad I am!!!! Maybe Iam just really, really good at 'putting on the mask'...

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. I think with Trauma we all learn how toput on a mask and wear it well. TThat's been one of our coping strategies for years. It's what we've been taught from family. Stiff upper lip. Don't discuss family issues outside of family. Etc etc. So we learn to smile and say "I'm okay" - even when we feel the opposite.
And ok. Your sister is a psychologist. That doesn't mean she's a good one. And most times - family members wear blinkers. If you were always perceived as 'the strong one' growing up. They don't want to see you any other way. They want to focus on their shite & have you to be their sounding board - their back up. Just because they are adults or professionals - doesn't mean they have their shite together.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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She works in schools and she is really good at her job there!! @utopia

You have just validated for me everything I think about the situation.Other than what happened with my father the family doesn't know about any of the other 'stuff'. I tried to talk to my sister(a long time ago) about what happened when I was a child and she didn't want to know about it. That has always been tough for me to deal with.

Yep - being perceived as the 'strong one' has certainly been an unrealistic expectation placed on me -and made it impossible to talk about anything with anyone - inside or outside of the family!

In response to: Am Not Coping

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@Zoe7
That's one thing your psychiatrist is going to help you with. How to not let your sister in the door when you are not strong enough to cope.You did it with your mum. IIt's harder when someone is knocking on your door. But you will learn to say - "I can't talk now. You can't come in". As you learn to say that - you get more confident. They need to learn you are not available at any time. They will change - as you start changing.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 your sister and your family will have to learn that you are not that label of the strong one - they placed on you all those years ago. Healthy families need to know that people change over time. That's part of life. So they need to change as well. The family dynamics - the family blinkers need to come off.
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