Am Not Coping

Me too @Zoe7 but it is how it is. Our actions can have terrible effects on others maybe even life threatening. I am on the edge the whole time at the moment and so tired of it all but I have to hang on or I send the message it's ok for others to follow me.

What about the terrible effects others' actions have had upon me - does that mean it is ok if I continue to suffer @Former-Member I am really asking here...

It's not fair that others have made you suffer so much @Zoe7. In no known universe will that ever be ok but ultimately you have a choice here. You know what suffering is more than most so you need to ask yourself do you want others to go through this too. I have justified leaving so much in the past few weeks. I was working up to it tonight again but I had a timely reminder of this exact same think which made me pull back. So I am asking you. Do you want that for others as well? I know this is blunt but it's worth thinking about. I so desperately don't want you to suffer anymore but there is an opportunity to try and make things different. Your beautiful GP deserves this too. What do you think?

Just as throughout my whole life @Former-Member it comes down to what 'others' want. When is it the time solely for what 'I' want. It is ok for me to continue to suffer so much but not for others! I am definitely not saying that is what I want for anyone else but why does it have to be laid at my feet.how is it fair that the one that is suffering the most is the one that also has to look out for others - who has ever looked out for me!

Saw you pop up @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, wanted to say hi (bunch of insomniacs the lot of us lol)
@Zoe7, gosh, you're really going through the ringer at the moment, wish I was there to give you a hug. You know, when you just said (typed): "I cant see any way through any of this - it is too complicated and too difficult" - it struck me the importance of 'meditation' - sure, you can't find a way to stop the storm but you sure can take brakes from it by taking shelter for bread moments meditating. It helps settle the mind, resets mind and body back to its natural rhythms. Also, so does engaging in snippets of activities that 'feed your soul' (give you back energy or a little spark), for me its gardening and sewing. Just little bits 'here and there' I have self seeding plants, even trees that spring up here out of nowhere that need potting (to relocate), today I finally hot 4 pf them in pots and gosh it feels good. Sure, we can't always stop 'life's crap' a lot pf the time but we sure can take little breaks from it. F&H takes her walks by the ocean river watching for dulphins and visiting cafe. Little breaks! Me time that restores some balance, and hope and a life worth living for. Do try. Search Bar - mindfulness grounding exercises. Gotta go, just had to remind you to take these breaks, be kind to yourself. Eat healthy, get enough water, sunshine and rest 💜💗💜

@Former-Member I know you guys sit here with me and most times that just makes me feel guilty for 'taking up' your time with stuff that I can't deal with. Don't you just get to a point where what you want for yourself outweighs what others want.

And as for the future and someone who would unconditionally love and care for me - oh @Former-Member that is absolutely not a consideration at all - how do I out this to make my point clearly - even the idea makes me feel physically sick!!!!