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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Definitely needed it @Snowie Have barely slept all week and can't continue to function like that.

Have done the washing here too - did that last night and pegged it out this morning so it should be just about dry. You have achieved a fair bit today Hon. How is H going?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You must have needed it then @Zoe7 if you haven't slept much of the week.

H is going ok. Have him set up on the couch at the moment. He is an easy patient, just have to feed him every so often!!

Have you got much work to do this weekend?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

haha @Snowie H sounds like a cat - sleeps all day and only needs to be fed lol

Yeah a lot this weekend. Need to have my Art reports done so I can concentrate on the class ones over the next couple of weeks. Also have the usual planning but have to have extra done for our meeting on Monday ....not excited about that as you could imagine

Also have a lot of the kids' work to organise so that doesn't get out of control before the end of the year. We do not have the space to do it all at school or to store it so have set up a large table at my place to do that bit by bit. I know the prep classes have organised a portfolio for their kids for next year so that will help. Need to make sure all the classes have them though -and space to store things ...which is hard because we are also going to lose the library to allow for 2 additional classes next year ....no space anywhere for anything at the moment

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

hehe @Zoe7

As long as he is fed, watered and pain killers kept up he is content!!!

I imagine you are not excited hun! Reports are so draining and take up so much of our time hun.

Hopefully you can get some 'me' time over the weekend too hun so you don't go back to work exhausted on Monday.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

At this stage @Snowie I don't think I will get much done today - just too exhausted. I have eaten and will likely sleep again soon. I am both tired and achey so rest is still very much needed. Going to curl up on the couch with Tobes before it is their dinner time then reasses then how I am feeling and what I can realistically do.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Curling up on the couch with Tobes sounds good to me @Zoe7 Your body and brain must be telling you that you still need to rest. Sometimes we just have to put ourselves first instead of our work.

Take care of you hun 💜💜

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes @Snowie and I think I have well and truly reached that limit. Just slept for an hour - think I was asleep before I even layed down - and would probably still been asleep if it wasn't for feeding time at the zoo lol Drama again giving Cat her tablets - Toby did notl like me carrying her to the bedroom so they were both making noise - managed to get them down at her bowl but not without some scratches and my hand hurting Am going to have to feed Toby first and lock him out of the bedroom tomorrow because it stresses both Cat and myself - see if that works 👍

@Faith-and-Hope @Anastasia

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I was asleep within minutes of laying on the couch today too.

😭 Your hand @Zoe7 xxx❣️

@Snowie @Faith-and-Hope ❤️👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I know @Anastasia - just when I was feeling I could use it as usual again I knocked it at work earlier in the week and it really hurt so have been extra careful since - now this I honestly feel like I am falling apart 😥

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

oh dear @Zoe7

sounds like it was hard work tonight with Cat and Tobes didn't help either 😒

Hopefully your nap helped a little bit and you feel a bit better from it.

Whats for dinner at your house?

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