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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Will gladly sit with you @Former-Member 💕💕

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Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Snowie @Anastasia 💞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 💞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi lovely,

I'm contemplating getting up but before I do I just wanted to say hi and catch up on how you are. It's finally the weekend and you survived a massive week, well done 💞

How are you? Did you get a good night's sleep? How are your babies? Are you on track to rest for the weekend? @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Anastasia No not a good night again so very much feeling the lack of sleep and after effects of nightmares. It takes time to get rid of those images and thoughts and is very much hard to do when I am also still tired. Need more sleep today but also know I have a lot to do

Fur babies are good - Tobes is sleeping next to me and Cat is outside asleep in her kennel. She will likely stay there most of the day as the weather is pleasant. I would like to be outside as well today but with so much work to do I do not think that will be possible. Work has to be the priority otherwise I will fall too far behind and not be able to get everything done I need to over the next few weeks. If I can get all my Art comments written for reports over this weekend then I can concentrate on the class reports over the next couple of weeks. We have some more work to do in the classroom before I cn finlise those though so it is going to be very busy.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Zoe7

I am sorry you had an awful night with nightmares not good at the best of times let alone when you desperately need quality sleep.

You have such a lot on your plate. I am sending you positive vibes from the Universe to get the art comments done over the weekend as well as get some much needed rest. You are the definition of what it means to be a great teacher. You have genuine care for your littlies around ensuring that they have the best care and learning experience possible. They are very lucky, as are their parents to have you. Reports would be a mammoth task for you.

I remember reading my son's report one time and it had another child's name in the comment, clearly copied and pasted from "John's" report card. An honest mistake and as I had great respect for the teacher I understood the need to copy/paste to get through the workload and held no judgement. To err is to human.

I am happy to hear your babies are doing well. 🐕🐈💞

Go easy on yourself beautiful. I'll keep you in my thoughts over the weekend 💞💞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Than you for you wonderful words and vote of confidence. I do love my job but it is hard work doing both roles throughout a week. Every day is differnet though and I do enjoy each class for different reasons - some are fun to work with, some are really motivated, some just want to know more and some are easy to enagage and want to please - they are all different but different in a good way.

Our Art comments are only a general comment on what we have been doing and covering so far this year @Anastasia They are to be the same across each grade group so that makes it a little easier. I do not have to do individual comments this year - mainly because I have only had them for a term. Next year will be different though.

The class reports are different - there will be some bulked comments for specific subjects but also individual comments on progress and achievements. They are the hardest because my co-teacher and I have been concentrating on different areas and now have to pull it all together in reports. That is the downside of having 2 teachers on the same class becuse it takes a lot of time together to combine everything we have been doing with the kids, finding the right balance and then averaging that out in the reports.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 hoping you can get some downtime in this weekend, but I know you have lots to do.

Got coffee and Izzy with me, what more could I want on a gloomy Saturday.

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Re: Am Not Coping

Glad you have had coffee and Izzy with you @Snowie I have slept most of today ...until my mum turned up - but need to try to get up and do things soon anyway. Still in jammies but don't think I will bother getting dressed today ...too much to do that can be done in jammies anyway 👍

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You must have needed the sleep then @Zoe7

A pj day sounds like a great idea.

Done 2 loads of washing, food shopping, strawberry picking and looked after H.

Time for a rest me thinks 😁

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