Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 as @Mazarita said... you had no way of knowing where that conversation was going to lead. Perhaps adding to my list of how to protect yourself... how about not to reach out to new contributors who create threads that could need that kind of support? Because the contributor was someone unknown or relatively unknown to you, there was perhaps extra risk of how things might unfold plus we are always vulnerable to that kind of situation. I know myself that if I see a new thread from a poster I have not seen before I become wary and although I want to reach out, I avoid those threads until I become more familiar with who might be on the other end and what might be going on with them.

You might like to think about standing back a bit in those situations too. But that's easier said than done because our natural instinct is to want to help.

oh @Former-Member but (random person) @Faith-and-Hope wouldn't do that because she is a legend

...but I do know what you mean. I have left some conversations this week and 'put myself first' a couple of times - and talked with just one or two people instead. I have felt a bit bad about that but knew it was the right thing for me to do.

@Mazarita I do know that I 'allowed' this person to feel comfortable enough to be able to talk openly - and I could not have foreseen where it would go. I really thought I could 'deal' with most things that are thrown at me - but this one was so 'different' (not really sure how to explain it)'

@Faith-and-Hope the posts in question didn't offend or make me angry - quite the opposite - I felt complete and heartfelt sadness and despair for this person.

Funny you should say that @Former-Member because I have been avoiding posts from new or relatively new contributors - or new threads that have been started (unless I know the member really well) - since this occurred. I have tried to just stick to a few threads and have 'jumped' off if the discussion has gotten too 'intense' for me - and that really is not an easy thing for me to do if the other person is struggling or needs support - that is just not a natural thing for me to do.

@Mazarita @Former-Member I know this member involved was not receiving any support and was having 'trouble' joining in any conversations that were already established - and was certainly struggling at the time themselves - that is why I say I put myself in that situation by responding and encouraging them be open and honest with how they were feeling.

@Zoe7, it is okay to take care of your own needs as well as help others. In fact, it's probably a necessity to being able to help. Even the Dalai Lama, who is very much about compassion for others, reminds us to be compassionate towards ourselves equally.

Compassion towards myself is also something I really struggle with @Mazarita!!!

which goes back to think about what you would be saying to others.. and don't treat yourself any differently @Zoe7

( I can talk... I always expect more from myself than I do others but hey.. what's a bit of hypocrisy when I'm trying to make a valid point 😛 )

I am way too hard on myself in some ways too, @Zoe7, and I know some of these habits can be hard to shift. Knowing these vulnerabilities in ourselves can help towards changing them though (I hope so).

@Former-Member @Mazarita This is one of my major issues - not feeling worth anything - it is deep seated and long running. It doesn't matter what I have 'achieved' or what I know my 'strengths' are - I still don't feel I really matter in the scheme of things!