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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Haha @Zoe7
What’s your favourite animal?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

A Red Panda @Boonana they are sooo cute. But I have a lot of giraffes around the house because I love them too. My absolute favourite is of course butterflies - they are magical.

What about you?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

💜💐💚🦋🌷💕 @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I agree that red pandas are cute! But monkeys are cuter! I loveeeee monkeys! Have you been to the monkey place in launie @Zoe7? I visit them every time I go there! I’ve also been to a monkey island when I went on holiday! That was awesome! They were everywhere!
What about @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope? What are you favourite animals?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Boonana .

I'm relieved to hear that you have some support around you, ie helplines and school counsellor. You would not be wasting your counsellors time, even if you are only talking in general to her, its still a worthwhile exercise. I agree that its very hard to talk about our MH, especially in real life. It is much easier in an anonymous forum such as this, as it enables us to safely open up and be honest about our feelings and struggles, without any judgement. I have to say that public acceptance and understanding of mental health issues is vastly improved over the past 10 years to what it was prior to that. And yet, I never talk to anyone in my real life about my own MH struggles either. I simply dont want them to know, as its way too hard to talk about the causes of my MI if anybody was to ask.

I will state the obvious here, and say that there is nothing at all to be ashamed about when it comes to having mental health problems. Because of MH being so widely discussed in mainstream media and around dinner tables now, there is a far greater knowledge by the public. And as a consequence, the stigma attached with having a MI, is thankfully far less than ever before. With people now feeling they can safely talk about their MH, its known that a large percentage of the population experience MH problems at some time in their lives. Discussion around MH is no longer a closely held secret for families or individuals.

Sherry 🌺

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes been to the monkey park @Boonana but haven't been to Lonnie for quite some years. Monkeys are indeed cute but I prefer the cuddly red panda - love those big eyes as well as their cuddliness

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you so much @Former-Member ❤️
I’m speechless.. your posts are just so perfect and I just don’t know what to say..
I might continue seeing the school counsellor this term but I haven’t decided yet.
I just find that if I hide my MH it would be better because it’s so embarrassing. I know it shouldn’t be but I can’t help it..
thank you though xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No way @Zoe7! Monkeys are the cutest things on this earth! Especially the baby ones! I mean look at the little hands.. aren’t they just adorable!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good question @Boonana ... I love all animals. Yeah red pandas are great. Love monkeys too. But if I have to choose just one, I think it would be a meerkat. They are super cute and have so much character. And also because when my little dog Holly sits and looks around sometimes she flattens her ears back and peers around, looking just like a meerkat.

@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 - I so very much agree with you about your thoughts on this thread. It really is a thread for anyone or everyone to come to. Its not just your story, its a conglomerate of many. Its become a thread for all, owned by the forum community as a whole. I didnt used to know that before, thinking it was your thread. But you told me, and others, over the years that this is a thread for everyone. And thats very much what its become. Speaking of personal support threads, or My Stories, I will update my own sometime soon. Some of what has been bothering me, is (loosely) related to whats happening around this whole issue you have spoken about.

Oh and @Zoe7 , thanks so much for the pic you posted ... its lovely. I agree with @Boonana , that you should have included yourself in that little tribute.

Sherry 💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

They are pretty cute @Boonana 🐵

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